Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 39 – I Finally Have Permission to Be ME. Lisa Shares the Impact of Her Late Life Diagnosis

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 39

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In this episode of Grandma Has ADHD, host Jami Shapiro dives into the often overlooked topic of ADHD in adults over 50. She is joined by Lisa B, a 67-year-old woman who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, following her daughter’s diagnosis. Lisa shares how finally understanding her brain has helped her reframe decades of struggles, from a diverse career path to personal relationships and daily organization.

Jami and Lisa explore the unique challenges of a late ADHD diagnosis, the stigma that persists among older generations, and practical ADHD coping strategies like decluttering, planning a move, and creating supportive routines. Whether you're navigating ADHD yourself or supporting a loved one, this episode offers both emotional validation and actionable tips.

Plus, Jami shares how professionals from the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers (NASMM) can support older adults through life transitions like downsizing or relocating — especially helpful for those with ADHD.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jamie Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

[00:01:25] Jami Shapiro: Hi, and welcome to the latest edition of Grandma Has ADHD. We have a special guest this evening or today because I happen to be recording in the evening. I don't know when you're going to be listening to it, but Lisa is someone that I connected with on one of the many ADHD Facebook groups.

[00:01:44] Jami Shapiro: Groups. And I've been pretty open about looking for people who are, late life diagnoses and are open to sharing because if you've been listening to my podcast, you know that one of my missions is to de-stigmatize ADHD, which tends to be a bigger problem with our boomers and our silent generation.

[00:02:03] Jami Shapiro: Although we are also addressing it with Gen X, but we seem to be a little less. Concerned about the stigma of ADHD, but let me introduce Lisa to you and then let her give you a little more information. So she is a 67-year-old woman diagnosed.

[00:02:18] Jami Shapiro: almost 10 years ago after her daughter, which is actually a very common, that's how my experience went. And she said that her diagnosis and medication have been transformative. Currently she is an admin at a teen young adult.

[00:02:32] Jami Shapiro: I don't know what an IOP program is so. 

[00:02:37] Lisa B: Go ahead. Intensive outpatient program, so it's part of a day rather than inpatient or a full day. 

[00:02:44] Jami Shapiro: Okay, so that's gonna be a good conversation to have. And she says she has a jar of fidgets on her desk. I love it. She says that I feel that one thing I offer is an example of a slightly weird adult.

[00:02:57] Jami Shapiro: So I'm gonna say this, Lisa. I think most of us with ADHD would describe ourselves as that slightly weird adult. And she says her current hyper focus, I love this is Dungeons and Dragons. And other role playing games. She says that she plays in person, but mostly online.

[00:03:12] Jami Shapiro: And she is both a player and a game master, which some of you will know Dungeons and Dragons from the eighties. And I know that it has made a resurgence or maybe it's continued, but I happen to have a child that also played d and d. And she said she is almost always the oldest person at the table.

[00:03:29] Jami Shapiro: Enough oversharing yet. So if you have ADHD, you can completely relate to that question. But it was really interesting because I always ask our guests for their bios before they come on. And so before Lisa and I were able to connect, she said I have a really long bio.

[00:03:45] Jami Shapiro: And then she starts listing all of the things that she's done. And I'm like, that reads like an ADHD bio. So Lisa, tell us a little bit about your bio. 

[00:03:54] Lisa B: Okay. Well, I have a master's degree in marine biology, and actually when I was there I was doing my thesis on something different from everybody else in the lab, which is my normal state.

[00:04:05] Lisa B: Since then, I've been editorial assistant technical writer. I worked in document control. I was an HVAC and propane dispatcher. I was a database admin. I was a QA person for an Amazon account, and now I'm an admin secretary. And in the meantime, I was also a Girl Scout leader, a trainer or learning facilitator, like they call it now, their service unit manager, which is like the area volunteer and for most of the time, a single mom.

[00:04:33] Jami Shapiro: Wow, that's quite a hefty resume. and as I said, it just definitely rings of ADHD because I don't know about you, Lisa, but I start to do something. I lose interest and then I wanna do something else. Is that you? 

[00:04:47] Lisa B: Yeah, pretty much. and a number of the jobs that I got I applied for was like, oh, that looks kind of interesting, and I would apply for it.

[00:04:55] Lisa B: My career path is not a path. As I said, my training is in marine biology. and it has been anything but since then, but it's been a good life. Nice. So, 

[00:05:04] Jami Shapiro: okay. So what was it about my post that you said, Hey, I'd like to be on The grandma has ADHD podcast. 

[00:05:11] Lisa B: So well it was a post about late diagnoses and I am rather passionate about that because of the impact that this has had on my life.

[00:05:21] Lisa B: So I shared part of my story there and you actually reached out to me and it's like, Hey, why not? Love it. and as I said, one of my things that I want to do is normalize being open about A-D-H-D-I am very open about it in just about any circumstance. 

[00:05:37] Lisa B: if I'm doing the math correctly, you were about 57 when you were diagnosed, is that correct? 

[00:05:42] Lisa B: right around there. It's a little bit fuzzy because I was unemployed at the time, was the great recession. And my younger daughter was struggling in high school and we're like, she's smart.

[00:05:54] Lisa B: Why is this much harder than her sister? And I start looking online and I find out about ADHD type inattentive and goes like that resembles my daughter. And it also resembles. Her mother. So I got her diagnosed and treated as soon as I could for me. I was not going to pursue it 'cause hey, I've made it this long.

[00:06:16] Lisa B: what difference can it make? I love that you just said that. Okay. So please share that. My sister, who is a psychologist, sent me a bunch of books on ADHD and I read one by Ned Hollowell called Driven to Distraction. Yep. I realized that every single challenge and difficulty I had in my life tied to ADHD.

[00:06:39] Lisa B: Yeah. It wasn't just like forgetting things, just every, financial relationship household wise. it wasn't just a bunch of little weird things. It all tied together. Exactly. 

[00:06:54] Jami Shapiro: And so I said like, it's almost prescriptive now. and by the way, I always say this, if you meet one person with ADHD, you meet one person with ADHD because we all have our little quirks.

[00:07:03] Jami Shapiro: We're all really different. Just like we have our own fingerprints. But there are definitely strings of commonality that run through it. But I love the fact that you said, I've gone this far. So tell me, what's been different since you've known you had ADHD?

[00:07:18] Lisa B: Less shame. More permission to be myself. If the camera was on, you might notice here at home, I have one of those bald chairs and I occasionally absentmindedly bounce up and down on it while I am talking or gaming or whatever. And it used to embarrass me, but now they just look okay.

[00:07:39] Lisa B: Right. 

[00:07:40] Lisa B: and 

[00:07:40] Jami Shapiro: I do wanna say, by the way, to anybody that is listening and is just seeing beautiful me on YouTube, Lisa was open to being on camera. Some people were a little shy about it, but we could not figure out how to work the camera. So that is why Lisa looks like just a black screen.

[00:07:57] Jami Shapiro: But you know, Lisa I don't know if you've ever heard this, but a lot of people with ADHD struggle with technology. Did, you know that? 

[00:08:03] Lisa B: actually not because I love technology. And the people I know struggle with technology have ADHD are also just, that's not their jam.

[00:08:11] Lisa B: They're into soft sciences and things like that. I love technology. Right. But I also came from,My dad was a mathematician. And worked withsome of the earliest computers on the space program. Mm-hmm. So I grew up around with pictures of rocket ships of the shuttles and things like that around my house.

[00:08:28] Lisa B: So, right. Well, the reason 

[00:08:29] Jami Shapiro: that I bring that up to you is that what I have noticed about a lot of us with ADHD is that we don't like to be bored. And for a lot of us reading instruction manuals is boring. So we get a computer, we get an iPhone, we get a device, and we just plug it in and go, and then

[00:08:44] Jami Shapiro: We can't figure out why it doesn't work. 

[00:08:45] Lisa B: Well, I don't read the whole manual, but I will look in the index and look at the particular thing or do a search on that particular item. Good for 

[00:08:55] Jami Shapiro: you. Again, you meet one person with ADHD. So I love that you said it. I have more permission to be myself. I will agree with that.

[00:09:02] Jami Shapiro: In fact, I think that's gonna be an amazing title for this conversation because that is exactly what it is. Do you remember the sayings like When I'm an old lady, I will purple and do you remember those signs that were ever there? Yes. 

[00:09:14] Lisa B: I have a purple for lock in my hair. There you go.

[00:09:18] Lisa B: and what you cannot see, because I'm not on camera, is that I have an array of fidgets around me. I can focus better on the conversation. Mm-hmm. When my hands are busy and when I am playing. Dungeons and Dragons in person or other games, I play a whole ton of other roleplaying games.

[00:09:36] Lisa B: Mm-hmm. I will just show it to the game master and say, I will focus better if I have my hands busy. you'll be able to see that. It doesn't distract me from what I'm doing. 

[00:09:46] Jami Shapiro: Did you ever keep any of your old notebooks? Because I noticed that I was constantly doodling, and I've noticed that's common for a lot of people.

[00:09:53] Jami Shapiro: Before we knew we had ADHD we would be, listening in class, but doodling the whole time I drew mazes. There you go. I did those too, and I also did like floor plans and all sorts of things. So yeah, see what I mean? Like you talk to somebody and you're like, oh yeah, I did that, I did that.

[00:10:08] Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. When I was at a conference recently, I handed out fidget toys with Grandma has ADHD stickers because Oh, nice. I figured that anybody that was gonna take one of those probably would appreciate having a fidget toy. Yeah. And 

[00:10:22] Lisa B: Go ahead. when I lead a game, when I run a game, I have a little jar of fidgets thatI put out in the middle and I said, if you wanna play with these, go ahead.

[00:10:31] Lisa B: Yeah. 

[00:10:31] Jami Shapiro: I love it. So how would you say your life changed from the time that you knew you had ADHD or maybe looking back, how do you see ADHD showing up in your life before it was diagnosed? 

[00:10:43] Lisa B: I knew I was different before I was 10 years old.

[00:10:46] Lisa B: I knew that somehow things were not the same for me as for the other kids in my class. Mm-hmm. And I basically defined it as weird. Hmm mm-hmm. I just knew that somehow I was different. Mm-hmm. that I understood things differently, that I saw things differently.

[00:11:04] Lisa B: I didn't understand things the same way that people did. Mm-hmm. And so I was, growing up in going to school in the 1960s, people say, I don't want my kid to get a diagnosis. I don't want them to be labeled well. Mm-hmm. I was labeled underachiever, lazy space cadet. If she only lived up to her potential.

[00:11:27] Lisa B: Hmm. And all those things. And I'm going like ADHD is a much better label than that, 

[00:11:33] Jami Shapiro: than lazy. A hundred percent. and not only that, but again, that's what I'm trying to do here is say, Hey, we're not stupid. We're not lazy. There's nothing wrong with us. Our brains are wired differently. We think they are.

[00:11:46] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. And I recognize, like my brain is Speeding through life, And I even noticed this with my older child who was diagnosed, and that's how I realized that I had it. They stutter because they just, they can't keep up. And not that they have any speech impediment be not at all, but the brain and the mouth don't coincide.

[00:12:05] Jami Shapiro: And so sometimes you gotta slow it down because, I can't understand you. 

[00:12:09] Lisa B: Sometimes when I'm talking, I will stop and say, brain mouth out of sync. Give me a second. And I will just sort of like, take a deep breath and go from there. But going back to being weird one of the gifts in my family is my mom basically went like, okay, yeah, we're all weird.

[00:12:32] Lisa B: And I had a certain level of acceptance. I got all those negative messages from the world and just because of culture, some from home, but I didn't get that just awful level from home. And so, speaking of home, you ask about family. Mm-hmm. My mother if she had been alive, would be 102 now.

[00:12:54] Lisa B: Wow. My mother had ADHD.she was 35 when I was born. My mother had ADHD. Three of her four children had ADHD. And at least two of her four grandchildren have ADHD. So when did you realize that your mom had ADHD? I didn't know that she was undergoing that diagnosis at about the same time that I was.

[00:13:16] Lisa B: Wow. she was somewhat ahead of the curve mm-hmm. Than I, but she didn't talk about it until much later. 

[00:13:23] Jami Shapiro: I've heard this in other interviews where they were both getting diagnosis at the same time, but the adult, the older adult parent did not disclose. And again, back to the stigma of ADHD.

[00:13:33] Jami Shapiro: And yes, it's highly, highly heritable. And back to what you said I, I have always described me and my kids that when I would describe ice cream and I was. Trying to explain it and like, this was before I think I knew that we had ADHD, I'm not sure, or maybe before I was really learning about it, but I said, how some people like vanilla ice cream?

[00:13:51] Jami Shapiro: And my kids said yes. we're more like fish food, like the Ben and Jerry's fish food, we're just not. Vanilla and I enjoy that spicy, flavor full life. But it is not for everybody. and it does run in families. And so we tend to have, just the families of, I hate to use the word weird 'cause it's not a great word, but it also is a great word.

[00:14:12] Jami Shapiro: Right? 

[00:14:13] Lisa B: Well, I sort of owned the word weird. It's like I would respond like. You say weird, like it's a bad word. And things like that. so I basically own the word, so what I'm weird. that's the way I am. Yeah. 

[00:14:27] Jami Shapiro: have you seen any of pen holderness videos by the way?

[00:14:30] Lisa B: Oh yes. 

[00:14:31] Jami Shapiro: Okay. I love it. So he has two videos. If you have not watched them, you have got to listen. I'm trying to get him on the podcast by the way, but he has one called, you might have ADHD and there's another one that he does ADHD as a parody to under the sea. 

[00:14:47] Jami Shapiro: His brilliance. You're like, I want what he's having, And he said,he was the keynote spook at the ADHD conference the International ADHD conference. And, he said, I choose not to be medicated because. I don't want to lose that creativity.

[00:15:00] Jami Shapiro: and I never pass judgment on medication. Everybody has to make the choice that's right for them. But when I do this podcast, I really highlight the non-medication route because there are so many seniorsPeople 50 over who have other health conditions and medication is not an option for them because, they're gonna mix with other medications.

[00:15:20] Jami Shapiro: So I always talk about, the skills over the pills. Not to say anything about pills. I'm just not a doctor and I just don't explore that topic. So I am going to take a break, but I want to find out. How you are coping, how you're hacking ADHD. And then we also discussed that you would like some coaching around an upcoming move, which happens to be my specialty.

[00:15:44] Jami Shapiro: So we're going to take a pause. We're going to listen to a word from Silver Linings Transitions, or our sponsor, and then we are going to come back with Lisa.

 

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I combine my years of hands-on work as founder of Silver Linings Transitions, a move management and home organizing company, together with A DHD coach, training and help adults 50 and over connect the dots between A DHD and lifelong struggles. Whether you are downsizing, decluttering, or simply trying to create systems that work for your A DHD brain, I provide virtual and in-person coaching for those in the San Diego area.

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[00:18:36] Jami Shapiro: So we are back with Lisa and when I take a break, I always sort of ask the guest how they feel the podcast is going and or the interview is going, and if there's anything they want to share that I haven't mentioned.

[00:18:49] Jami Shapiro: And, Lisa brought up some really good things, and I love Lisa, that you are an open book and willing to help other people. I think That is really one of the things that I am finding such a benefit from this podcast is people are saying thank you for sharing this story, because then it allows me to feel more comfortable, sharing mine and getting the help that I need.

[00:19:06] Jami Shapiro: So you share some of the challenges that you've had, you think as a result of your ADHD? 

[00:19:13] Lisa B: So, I was mentioning my marriage and my divorce, which actually. Was the failure was not due to ADHD. What was the issue was I stayed in too long probably because of my ADHD.

[00:19:27] Lisa B: Mm-hmm. So right. We tend to be pleasers, right? we tend to be pleasers, but we also tend to lack confidence. Yeah. And what my ex-husband did was gaslight me a whole bunch. Mm-hmm. Oh, you didn't say that. You are taking me out of context, no, I never said that. And, all these things to deny what he had said and said to me.

[00:19:51] Lisa B: And I'm used to being told that I'm wrong all the time, so I accepted that. So I stayed. Way too long. Well, 

[00:19:59] Jami Shapiro: I would also say that, and I don't know if this was true for you, but I will admit that I will forget. Yes. I have forgotten conversations.It's embarrassing. I was at a networking event tonight and there's someone who I have seen and spoken to and I'm looking at her like, I have no idea who you are.

[00:20:13] Jami Shapiro: Right. I have noticed with age I'm 55 that my ADHD is absolutely getting significantly worse. And that's another reason that I want to be doing this podcast because we're gonna really, really need, those skills anybody who ages is gonna have just normal cognitive impairment that had nothing to do with ADHD.

[00:20:31] Jami Shapiro: Just, our brains, not that we can't do the same thing, it just takes us longer to process. So then you throw in a little bit of ADHD and we're definitely gonna need more skills. 

[00:20:39] Lisa B: I have said all my life that my brain is like a sieve. Mm-hmm. It holds some things and other things just flow through.

[00:20:46] Lisa B: Yeah. like, for this podcast, I put it on my calendar. I put a reminder a week in advance. I put a reminder three days in advance. I put a reminder the day before, a reminder, the hour before, and a reminder the 10 minutes before. So, wow, you submitted.

[00:21:02] Lisa B: Thank you, Lisa. And that's what I do for my, doctor's appointment. I don't take appointment cards. I stand there, right there, and I put it in all the reminders. All the games I play are on my calendar with reminders. 

[00:21:13] Jami Shapiro: That's what I've been telling people.

[00:21:15] Jami Shapiro: Actually, that's been a really good hack for me, is that as soon as I commit to something, it has to go into my calendar No more. I'll remember. Yep. Even I'm boiling eggs. you can see the watch. So if people are listening I'm wearing an iWatch, which I swore up and down I would not get because I was worried that it was gonna be a distraction.

[00:21:32] Jami Shapiro: But it has become my memory. And so, I set alarms for everything. Yeah. Okay. so some people who are listening to this are just discovering they have ADHD, and again, majority of us are late life diagnosis. Mm-hmm. And as you can imagine, and I'm sure you went through this, there's grief, like, oh my gosh.

[00:21:49] Jami Shapiro: Oh yeah. And then there's also a relief, to your point, I get to be myself. What would you say to somebody who is, listening to this podcast and experiencing, maybe they don't wanna get, and I'm not also saying that you even have to be formally diagnosed, but I always say like, if it quacks like a duck and it walks like a duck mm-hmm.

[00:22:07] Jami Shapiro: And you've got family members with ADHD, it might be ADHD, Mm-hmm. So what would you say to the people that are listening? 

[00:22:13] Lisa B: do things that are right for your brain, even if it's not necessarily what other people do. when I have a project, I usually have two deadlines.

[00:22:26] Lisa B: I have the aspirational deadline where I would like to get it done. Mm-hmm. And I have the deadline where I must get it done. And I very rarely hit the aspirational deadline. I was gonna just ask you like, how often does that happen? But I means that I hit the actual drop dead deadline much more consistently.

[00:22:49] Jami Shapiro: Sure. the dopamine and that, it's gotta get dead by this certain time. Right? Yeah, and 

[00:22:54] Lisa B: I was telling somebody that she looked at me and she said. Why don't you just have one deadline? I looked back at her and said, this works for my brain. I was gonna say, you don't have ADHD.

[00:23:05] Lisa B: Clearly you wouldn't be asking the question. And so, do what works for your brain. Even. I think that one of the tragedies of my mom's life is that she kept on trying to do things the normal way. And kept on failing at it and the impact that it had on her. But she had many wonderful things.

[00:23:23] Lisa B: Like my brother said, if my mom heard about a food, she tried to cook it. Mm-hmm. And so we ate so many different kinds of food. we made lasagna from scratch. Mm-hmm. you even made the noodles. We did not make the noodles, but we had to go to the Italian grocery store.

[00:23:38] Lisa B: Nice. 'cause they did not carry lasagna noodles in the regular store. 

[00:23:42] Jami Shapiro: Okay. So can I give you a squirrel moment? Sure. So I learned again, one of the things that I've learned through ADHD coaching is that sometimes people with ADHD they're very picky about the foods that they will eat.

[00:23:52] Jami Shapiro: I am one of those people. Was that the case for your family? 

[00:23:57] Lisa B: I'm thinking about that and one of the things that I have sort of learned is that I have modified my life to not have to deal with things that are difficult, like husbands. Well, you saw a glimpse of me, I'm wearing a headset rather than earbuds.

[00:24:13] Lisa B: I loath earbuds. I hate the fake feeling of them in my ear. Mm-hmm. I think that my mom basically figured out, we had a lot of certain dishes and I think she picked a lot of the dishes because this is what the people would eat. Mm-hmm. Or that thing that my mom did that I've picked up is if there's somebody who doesn't like.

[00:24:34] Lisa B: The main dish makes sure that there's a good, solid side dish that they can eat. Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:41] Jami Shapiro: so I don't think that's an ADHD thing. I think that's just a mom hack. 

[00:24:45] Lisa B: I don't remember like, big battles over pickiness, but I also think that my mom sort of managed it fairly well.

[00:24:52] Lisa B: Okay, 

[00:24:53] Jami Shapiro: so any other advice that you would wanna give somebody who's listening or any hacks that you know, hey, you need to hear this one. I know we just talked about, getting the alarms and then having the the aspirational dates versus the drop dead date.

[00:25:07] Jami Shapiro: what are anything else? And then I wanna go into your issue. Yeah. do not believe that you will 

[00:25:13] Lisa B: remember things, write things down Absolutely. Or put them digital technology. with all the jobs that I went through, I did a lot of contract jobs and, you jump in, they want you to start doing immediately.

[00:25:25] Lisa B: So I would start writing down the instructions as they were given to me. And, then type them up and at the contract jobs, when I was done with it, I would give my boss my typed up notes. And there were a couple of times that even though it was a contract job that was supposed to end like that week, their boss said, hold on to her for another week to make sure that is all completed.

[00:25:47] Lisa B: 'cause we want it, we want this. because I would do detail and when I went out for knee surgery, I had like a 23 page document called How to Oh wow. And because some of my jobs I only do quarterly and I don't believe that I will remember it in three months.

[00:26:02] Lisa B: Sure. Okay. 

[00:26:03] Jami Shapiro: Well, your strengths and you play to them. Okay. So I asked you if you had some issue that you might want to get some coaching around. Lisa, and you shared with me that you have a move coming up.

[00:26:15] Lisa B: It doesn't have a deadline. it is time for me to move.

[00:26:18] Lisa B: I have lived in this house. For over 25 years and it's my house. I paid for it and then I bought my ex-husband share out during the divorce and held on through the Great recession and fires But it's takes a lot of energy. Mm-hmm. And. I drive, at 45 minutes home to drive home.

[00:26:40] Lisa B: I am driving from one valley over a mountain ridge into another valley as my normal commute. And also basically my family is elsewhere, so my original plan was to move close to my family in Southern California. Mm-hmm. But at this point, mm-hmm.

[00:26:59] Lisa B: After the fires in January where my hometown burned down. Housing is so dear in there. I don't know if I'd be able to find a decent space to live, but even just moving closer to work mm-hmm. And selling my house before it burns down or the insurance goes up yet again.

[00:27:16] Lisa B: Mm-hmm. And so it's time but I do not have a deadline for it, 

[00:27:20] Jami Shapiro: I think uncertainty is hard, right? For anybody. And so, not knowing where you're going. have you started exploring Have you started, what feels 

[00:27:29] Lisa B: good for you?

[00:27:30] Lisa B: I have been looking at it, but I get into brain freeze. Sure. Because 

[00:27:34] Jami Shapiro: decision paralysis is very common. 

[00:27:35] Lisa B: People are saying, you could rent a room and a house. Mm-hmm. And I don't want to go from owning my own house to being a renter 

[00:27:44] Lisa B: just being in one room. back in college,we rented rooms and houses where basically the owners pretty much made us feel unwelcome in any other area besides our room. Mm-hmm. And so that's when people say Rent a room, I get an association with that, 

[00:27:59] Jami Shapiro: But let's go back to the move because that is, definitely something that I think a lot of people who are in the situation that you're in, where they know they wanna move, they just don't know how to get there. I think that is where I'd like to take this conversation back for our audience.

[00:28:13] Jami Shapiro: But then I said I'm happy to revisit the rest of it with you. So are you aware, and I also want the audience to hear this, that there is an industry, and I'm actually a part of it, called the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers. 

[00:28:28] Lisa B: I did not of course have heard your announcements about your business, but did not know that it was a full-fledged business.

[00:28:35] Lisa B: I was listening going like, why can't you be up in Central, Northern California? Okay, 

[00:28:39] Jami Shapiro: so I am part of an A national organization. 

[00:28:42] Jami Shapiro: And what we do, and every business sort of runs differently, but we're all part of the same organization. So we have, insurance and ethics and all of, training and things that we all have to do. We all run it differently. But there are people who will do free consultations and they will break the move down for you and help guide you through the process.

[00:29:03] Lisa B: I would definitely, I have wanted some kind of professional assistance in this. I am in the pro, I have been getting rid of stuff for decades because one of the things when you are a single mother and don't have a bunch of money, was you save things in case you need them. Mm-hmm. And I have been divesting myself of that for.

[00:29:21] Lisa B: Quite a while, and actually one of my nieces is coming up next weekend and is going to help me get rid of more stuff. 

[00:29:28] Jami Shapiro: Oh, that's amazing. Well, I have to tell you that's not just a single mom thing. That's very, very common for a lot of our clients. And I think even more so for people who do have ADHD, because we tend to have a sense of justice and we wanna make sure that things aren't just gonna go into the landfills 

[00:29:43] Jami Shapiro: 

[00:29:43] Lisa B: tell you one thing that has helped me Is that I am very much into free upcycling and, and recycling and things like that. So I'm a moderator for two kinds of groups. One is free cycle and one is buy nothing. I love them. Both are great. they're wonderful. And one of the things I ask myself is how often do I see this come up on free cycle or buy nothing?

[00:30:06] Lisa B: And I'll look at it and says like, I see something like this come up like every couple of weeks, so if I get rid of it, I could probably get another 

[00:30:13] Jami Shapiro: one in a week or two. That is such a good tip, Lisa. I'm so glad you shared. There's also offer up. And also Craigslist curb alert, where if you, wanted to post something you could post it for someone else and then if you needed it, you could also possibly get it.

[00:30:29] Jami Shapiro: So I wanna give those a plug. Okay. that is impressive. So the other thing that you can do, you can hire a professional, but say you aren't ready to hire a professional Right. What would you think that you could do? To just get some momentum? 

[00:30:45] Lisa B: body doubling helps me. Okay. I, I joke about it, but it's true is that somebody is helping me clean and they'll pick up something and they'll hold it up and they'll say, where do you want me to put it?

[00:30:57] Lisa B: And I will look at it and says like, I don't actually really need that. And it may have been sitting on my table for six months, but when they hold it up and ask me. It puts it in a whole new light and I could say, oh 

[00:31:07] Jami Shapiro: yeah, I can get rid of that. 

[00:31:08] Jami Shapiro: So I actually wanna give a little bit more definition of what bodily doubling is for people. Sure. So yours really actually isn't body doubling. You've got company there. Body doubling is when you have somebody who's simultaneously working. On a project for themselves while you are working.

[00:31:25] Jami Shapiro: There are all sorts of online platforms that are for people like us. You can just google body doubling. Okay. And you set times and then you say, Hey, this is what my goal is for this time. and then while you're doing it with someone, my mom actually recognized that she did a lot better when she had company, even just a companion to be there with you, just to keep you 

[00:31:45] Lisa B: going.

[00:31:46] Lisa B: you were absolutely correct. I was kind of blending. and I have also done that too. I was just kind like spreading the word out to more meanings than it really had, 

[00:31:55] Jami Shapiro: right. So I've shared with you that there's a company that does what we do, but what I like to tell my clients and I'm learning to merge the world that I've been in with, which is the downsizing, organizing, specialist, that way with coaching where that client is supposed to get to the answer on their own, but in the interest of time.

[00:32:17] Jami Shapiro: Breaking a big task down into bite-sized manageable pieces is really helpful. Yes. Okay, so have you ever heard of the Pomodoro method? Yes. Okay. So I use variations of it in various tasks. Okay. So I'm gonna give a definition for people who are listening, but then I'm gonna give you what I think is even better to use for your needs.

[00:32:39] Jami Shapiro: So the pomodoro method is if you have a task that you don't wanna do then you will make yourself sit down and do it for 20, 25, 30 minutes, whatever time you set without distraction, and then you build in a reward. So after that time period is over, then you say, once I've done 20 minutes of. purging, I'm gonna give myself 10 minutes to watch my favorite TV show, or, whatever it is to have that reward.

[00:33:05] Jami Shapiro: So that's the Pomodoro method. What I like to recommend to my clients who are getting ready for a move is the reality is it is overwhelming, and it's where do I begin? And so what I recommend, the 10 minute tango. And you basically, it's really important that you call a donation site or you call, whoever, you schedule it in your calendar that I want to have a donation pick up.

[00:33:29] Jami Shapiro: you need to give yourself at least a week, and 

[00:33:31] Lisa B: it's important. Nobody picks up in my area. Nobody. Okay. But 

[00:33:35] Jami Shapiro: you put it in your calendar that you're going to do a drop off so that it's in your calendar and you're gonna honor your calendar. And then what you wanna do is every day you're going to do 10 minutes and you're going to have one bag for donation and one bag for garbage.

[00:33:49] Lisa B: Mm-hmm. And make 

[00:33:49] Jami Shapiro: sure that they're different because you don't wanna get them confused. And then at the end of one week, you will have gained momentum. And then I always get people asking me, what do I do after the timer goes off? well, if you're having fun, keep doing it. If you're not let it, fulfilled your obligation, but at least you'll start to see a momentum.

[00:34:06] Lisa B: Yeah. In our area, there is a Goodwill fundraiser where if the school program fills a goodwill trailer with donations, that the school program gets money donated. I have used that. Several times is like, okay, I'm collecting things together for the, good stuff. The fundraiser.

[00:34:28] Lisa B: so yes, that has been good great. So to speak. 

[00:34:31] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. Well,I am concerned that we are hitting 46 minutes, but what I want to do, Lisa, is have you give any information to anyone who's listening or any advice.

[00:34:41] Jami Shapiro: And then I will stay on with you and we will come up with a goal so that you can leave this session feeling really good. Because I, do have a lot. I am not gonna lie to you. And people with ADHD we struggle with when we have a lot of decisions to make, we get decision fatigue and moving is one of the biggest transitions or stresses that anyone will face ADHD or not.

[00:35:00] Jami Shapiro: So I think you make some good points though. So anyway, I wanna wrap up the podcast in a nice little bow, and then I wanna continue to give you a little bit of my service. So I will give you a 

[00:35:10] Lisa B: tip that is useful and makes people laugh. Okay. If you play Pokemon, go on your phone from your desk to your car, you will never leave your phone at work.

[00:35:22] Jami Shapiro: Oh, that's a good one. It works. Okay. Nice. So that is your parting tip is that anybody who's concerned about leaving their phone behind should play Pokemon Go or some 

[00:35:32] Lisa B: other 

[00:35:32] Jami Shapiro: walking based game. Okay, well I'm gonna give you a tip. I always forget where I parked my car. And so what I now have to do is I have to.

[00:35:42] Jami Shapiro: Stop and get into my body and out of my head and look around and pay attention. And you can also take a picture of where you parked. But I'm trying, that's what I do. I'm trying to do more of getting my brain to flow down and be in my body. Any other parting advice for our listeners?

[00:35:56] Lisa B: One of the things that I had to cope with was feeling broken. Mm-hmm. And then at one point realized. It really doesn't matter whether or not you're broken, just what I'm arguing with. I'm not broken. But even if you're feeling broken, what matters to you is you are here. Mm-hmm. And since you are here, you can do things with that.

[00:36:20] Lisa B: Mm-hmm. I have a quote above my desk that says supposedly Hemingway, everyone is broken. That's how the light gets in. 

[00:36:30] Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. That's a great quote. I hear it. You a lot of times they talk about, I think it was a Japanese pottery that gets broken and then they put the gold Yes. The gold around it, and it's supposed to be more beautiful.

[00:36:39] Jami Shapiro: And I definitely agree that I always grow when I break. So I am so appreciative. We're going to stick around and I'm going to give you some coaching, but thank you so much for your generosity in opening up your life. To the people who are listening and helping me to really get the word out that we are not broken, that there is no disorder.

[00:37:00] Jami Shapiro: We just are wired differently and Yep. And when we embrace it we're gonna live a much happier life. So thank you. And my life is much happier. I agree. I love it. Thank you. Thank you, Lisa. So you're welcome. Thanks for listening. If you liked what you heard, please share this podcast with your friends and family.

[00:37:21] Jami Shapiro: Please subscribe to it and rate it. And also know that I am now going to be offering ADHD coaching, so if you are interested in learning more, you can find me on the Grandma has ADHD podcast and or on the Silver Linings Transitions page. So there's a lot to unpack. But thank you so much for listening.

[00:37:40] Jami Shapiro: Hi everyone. I wanted to let you know that I offer ADHD coaching both on air and through private sessions virtually, as well as in person here in the San Diego area. Also, just a quick note that I edited out a portion of today's episode as it ran longer than planned and didn't add value for you as listeners.

Thanks for understanding and as always, feel free to reach out if you'd like to learn more about working together. 

 

The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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