Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 42 – Grandma Rides a Motorcycle and Being Young at Heart

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 42

Share episode

In this lively and relatable episode about ADHD in grandmothers over 50, host Jami Shapiro chats with ADHD coach and adventurous grandma, Mide Emans. They explore Mide’s journey of discovering ADHD later in life—after raising four children who also have ADHD.

Mide shares what it was like managing a chaotic, love-filled household while feeling like she could never quite “get it together.” It’s a feeling many women over 50 know all too well. Together, Jami and Mide unpack how ADHD can hide in plain sight for decades. Many people often dismiss it as just a personality quirk or a parenting struggle.

From growing up as the “troublemaker” to becoming a teenage mom, and eventually an ADHD coach, Mide’s story offers wisdom, humor, and hope. She talks openly about managing ADHD in motherhood. Mide also shares the judgment that comes with breaking societal norms and the freedom that comes with aging and finally embracing who you are.

If you’ve ever struggled to keep your house organized, felt like you were always “too much,” or are navigating ADHD as you get older—this episode will make you feel seen, understood, and a little less alone.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Follow us:

Instagram:

@grandma_has_adhd
@silverliningstransitions

Facebook

Silver Linings Transitions
Grandma Has ADHD (Facebook Page & Group)

Youtube:

Grandma Has ADHD

[00:00:00] Jami Shapiro: Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jamie Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

[00:00:40] Jami Shapiro: Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

[00:01:04] Jami Shapiro: Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

[00:01:25] Jami Shapiro: Hi, and welcome to another episode of Grandma has ADHD. Today I actually have a grandma with ADHD, who also works with people who have ADHD. I am talking to Mide Emans. She is an adventurous woman who loves to ride motorcycles, travel and loves being home with her grandkids, baking, reading in silence, she said without her grandkids.

[00:01:53] Jami Shapiro: And the name of her practice her ADHD coaching is Sonas ADHD coaching, and I learned today that Sonas is Irish for happy or happiness. Right? Happiness. Happiness. So Mide, welcome to Grandma has ADHD. Thank you. It's good to be here. It's nice to have you. So we connected an ADHD coaching book club, I believe, correct?

[00:02:18] Jami Shapiro: Yes. So other ADHD coaches get together and we read different content and decide whether or not it's. applicable to our clients and we get to talk to each other. And so I am meeting, coaches from all over the world, and Mide is one that responded I'm looking for grandmas, so I'm really doubly excited to have her both as a grandma with ADHD, and a coach.

[00:02:42] Jami Shapiro: So, Mide, can you tell us a little bit about your ADHD discovery and how you got to coaching? So your backstory, your childhood when you discovered it, and then, we'll go from there. Sure. 

[00:02:53] Mide Emans: Yeah. So I suppose I should have known longer ago that I have ADHD. I have four children who are now adults, and they were all diagnosed between the ages of.

[00:03:04] Mide Emans: I'm gonna say 5 and 10 years of age. So that would've been in the early noughties from 2000 to 2010. So they would all have been diagnosed in Ireland. There wouldn't be a huge awareness of ADHD, certainly then there was no awareness of ADHD. It's getting better now. So there was no support.

[00:03:22] Mide Emans: There was no help. I tried for a couple of years and then eventually I realized I need to just advocate for my kids and be there and have their backs because the teachers. Weren't on board, didn't realize it was a thing. So they all went through their whole schooling and some of them went to uni and they went through the whole thing without any supports at all.

[00:03:43] Mide Emans: And medication wasn't ever offered. It was never an option. Medication is now becoming a thing. And oh, about three or four years ago, my older daughter had said she wanted to try meds. And I was a little bit kind of taken aback. And in talking to another friend he asked what my reluctance around meds was and I said,I don't know, anything about it.

[00:04:03] Mide Emans: feel it's not something I'm,Keen on, but I'm willing to learn. And he told us that he had been diagnosed with ADHD 6 months prior to that, started meds and has transformed his working life.So my husband and I, my husband isn't my children's father, although I suspect he also has ADHD, but my husband now and I both went and had an assessment and we were both diagnosed with combined ADHD.

[00:04:28] Mide Emans: So it was no surprise at all. And actually when it came to the assessment, I nearly didn't go ahead with it because I thought, I know I have it. And then I decided that actually I would like to know, I would like to be able to say, because a lot of people don't really believe ADHD is a thing.

[00:04:46] Mide Emans: it's so frustrating. well we all do this. I have a bit of that, and I kind of figured if I could. Sort of say, yes, I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist. somebody who knows what they're talking about. It's not a quack, it's not some fell dancing naked under a waterfall qualified medical doctor.

[00:05:05] Mide Emans: And, so we, we both got diagnosed. So like I say, it was no surprise. But in that journey I started learning about ADHD coaching because that was a new thing. And when I started looking at coaching, 'cause I was thinking it might help some of my kids, I was reading somebody's website, I could do that because my career, I've worked with children for the last 35 years, so I work with a lot of school aged children that, four to 12 years old.

[00:05:33] Mide Emans: And 5% of them will have all kinds of. Additional needs or special needs. And so I'm used to all that. And I just thought with my experience and all that ADHD coaching would be a good fit. So I signed up to ADDCA And did my training and recently got my certification.

[00:05:52] Mide Emans: So I'm still new to the coaching. And I'm still not entirely sure where I'm going to go with it. I'm kind of feeling like. I might end up coaching parents of children because there's so many children falling through the cracks. Well, 

[00:06:06] Jami Shapiro: given that you have four, did I get right? Every single one of your kids have ADHD?

[00:06:11] Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. I can't even imagine. So I wanna hear a little bit about your household and especially managing that household. This is the same for me. I didn't find out until I was 45. And I struggled to run a household. But I wanna hear first a little bit about your childhood. looking back at the pieces and now seeing, where was ADHD?

[00:06:31] Jami Shapiro: Do you see it now? Is it, that you've learned about it? Where it showed up for you as a child? 

[00:06:35] Mide Emans: Oh, it,was always there. I was in trouble. Always. And actually I think that's half of the baggage that, you carry with you into your adulthood. And I would always have been in trouble.

[00:06:48] Mide Emans: I was always adventurous. Oh. Jumping off things. There was a kind of an element of if she was a boy, her behavior would be acceptable. But girls shouldn't be on the roof of the school and they shouldn't be climbing trees and they shouldn't be jumping off things.

[00:07:04] Jami Shapiro: you said you're combined type, correct? 

[00:07:05] Mide Emans: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:07] Jami Shapiro: I am also combined type, and that just goes to show how different combined type can look because I actually have too much anxiety to take any physical risks. I will take risks, I'll get up on stage, I'll embarrass myself, no problem. But I have a fear of heights, 

[00:07:23] Jami Shapiro: 

[00:07:23] Mide Emans: I have no fear. I would imagine that as a child, it would've been hyperactive. because I was always. throwing myself off things and I'm not hurting myself, but I had no fear. I'd climb trees, I'd jump off things, all that kind of 

[00:07:38] Jami Shapiro: stuff. so now that you're putting pieces together, do you see it in either of your parents?

[00:07:43] Jami Shapiro: Oh, yeah.

[00:07:44] Mide Emans: and it's kind of tricky though because I kind of see it in lots of people and then in that whole, people say to you, oh, everybody has that and you're going, no, they don't. And then I'm looking around, I'm thinking, oh, everybody has that. But I don't know if they just, all the people I know, well, 

[00:07:57] Jami Shapiro: you've got a lot of people that have it.

[00:07:59] Jami Shapiro: My partner doesn't, so I actually do live with someone that's normal or, neurotypical. I hate to use normal, but I know. You can really see the difference in the way that I go about my life versus the way that he goes about his life. It's a thing, 

[00:08:13] Mide Emans: I see it now with my kids and their partners.

[00:08:16] Mide Emans: So I've got four kids and two of them have partners. And when we're sitting around the table and it's the six of us and the two kind of partners, and you can really see the neurotypical and I'm sure they probably have a little bit of something going on Our house is like a mad house, 

[00:08:33] Mide Emans: There's a lot of quirks and in fact, the kids have often said they're glad they all have it because it would be really difficult to have been the one that stood out. And in my house growing up, I have two brothers, one older, one younger, and they would both have been very quiet. I'd say you asked about parents, I'd say there's autism, and ADHD autism more, and my mother and ADHD more than my father, but my brothers would be much more, I'm gonna say nerdy. They were not adventurous. one of them rides a motorbike, but, they would've been more sciencey and inquisitive that way. Logical. They're computer programmers.

[00:09:10] Mide Emans: But, my grandfather was a scientist and, in my family, they're all engineers or. a lot of science based or teachers. 

[00:09:17] Jami Shapiro: And me. because this is interesting, would you say there's any family strain, looking back now, any relationship troubles?

[00:09:24] Jami Shapiro: I'm asking because I have two parents with ADHD as well, and definitely strained relations as a result of probably, emotional dysregulation

[00:09:35] Mide Emans: my dad would have moved jobs a lot more than my mother would have liked him to, and there would've been a lot of periods of less income coming into the house than would've been ideal.

[00:09:47] Mide Emans: So looking back, when they talk about triggers or signs mm-hmm. and job jumping would be one. Mm-hmm. House moving would be another. Signing up for scuba diving and. Then signing up for, violin lessons or, that kind of 

[00:10:03] Mide Emans: Jumping dad would've been very much, her mom would've been much more organized, like I say, more on the autism spectrum, but with a lot of RSD 

[00:10:15] Jami Shapiro: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria for anybody, because remember 

[00:10:18] Jami Shapiro: A lot of the people who are listening to this podcast and I'm discovering, are really new to this ADHD conversation. And I'm really gearing the conversation to People 50 and over. I say they don't have to be grandparents. And I actually do have a friend of mine who is a grandmother who's in her 40's, but because she's a grandma, I'm gonna interview her for Grandma has ADHD.

[00:10:39] Jami Shapiro: But so one of the things that I really like to do is, talk about when you discovered, or you realized how you had ADHD and what that looked like for you, and then what you would tell someone who's listening, who is, putting the pieces together for themselves. 

[00:10:56] Mide Emans: I guess for me it wasn't a surprise.

[00:10:58] Mide Emans: And I'm 53, so I became a mom at 18, which again, big sign for ADHD because a lot of teenage moms. And I became a grandma when I was 36. My 17-year-old son had his child again, ADHD. So I am very much ahead of my age in my stage, if that makes sense. I was married with four kids at 27. So, wow, my kids moved out.

[00:11:24] Mide Emans: we've been empty nesters for three years and I'm only 53 now, so I'm kind of 10 years younger than my stage, if that makes sense. 

[00:11:33] Jami Shapiro: Yes, that absolutely makes sense. Because I'm 55 and I have a daughter who will be a senior in high school. 

[00:11:39] Mide Emans: Well, my grandson is 16. He's headed off now to Irish College for three weeks yesterday.

[00:11:44] Mide Emans: Wow. So 

[00:11:44] Mide Emans: this is what I'm saying. So I'm in a different, but it also means that I had come out of I'm gonna say the throes of motherhood, when the children are busy, when the house is bursting, when there's a lot of stuff going on. And I hadn't hit menopause. you know what I mean?

[00:11:59] Mide Emans: So I was able to do all of that, get that behind me, and then kind of hit menopause, which is a pain in the arss, but that's another 

[00:12:06] Jami Shapiro: day story. Well, no, actually menopause is really relevant to this story, and I will tell you. Personally, my ADHD symptoms have gotten significantly worse. I am not officially in menopause although I'm 55, I just have to get the year right.

[00:12:22] Jami Shapiro: But I mean, it has gotten. So much worse that's one of the things, that they find it, that people discover their ADHD is either when their children are diagnosed or When they're in perimenopause because it's estrogen is so pro cognitive. So it's not a second story. I just wanted, wanted to kind of throw that out there, but 

[00:12:37] Mide Emans: Absolutely.

[00:12:38] Mide Emans: But I suppose from my point of view, I don't have any other stresses or strains or things pulling out of me. My children have moved out. and like I say, I'm with my second husband now. We're 18 years together, but we have a great relationship. We really like each other. We enjoy each other's company.

[00:12:54] Mide Emans: We do a lot of stuff together. So I'm in a really good place in my life for the most part. there's always stuff. like I say, I work with children. I have a business. I have 24 staff. I've got 200 children in my care every day. So there's a lot of responsibility and there's a lot of stress around that, right.

[00:13:11] Mide Emans: but generally, I don't have to make anybody eat dinner. I don't have to make anybody do homework. I don't have to make anybody tidy their room. I don't have to stop them eating chocolate or worry if they're smoking or worry if they're doing magic mushrooms or any of that stuff, right? so this is it.

[00:13:26] Mide Emans: And so from that point of view, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, like I say, I had kind of. Figured I probably had it anyway, so it wasn't a big deal for me, but I can understand how other people can really struggle with it, especially if it's a new thing. ADHD has been in my world for 20 years that I knew of with my kids.

[00:13:48] Mide Emans: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:49] Jami Shapiro: 25 

[00:13:49] Mide Emans: years, right? And I think I understand from people that there's a lot of grieving for what might have been. of the person. where I am. Again, like I say, because I'm older in stage than in age, I've come out the other end. I've done counseling, I've done work on myself, and so I'm very accepting of who I am and where I am at.

[00:14:12] Mide Emans: And I have shortcomings like everybody else, but I'm happy with them and I figure people will either like me or they won't. My friends like me, I have friends since school and if they've known me for 35, 40 years and they're still hanging out with me. so I'm in a good place, so it didn't affect me.

[00:14:31] Mide Emans: Having said that, I started meds and it's great from an emotional regulation point of view. They're amazing. 

[00:14:39] Jami Shapiro: Okay. So, I've been really walking a fine line in discussing meds just because a lot of my audience aren't going to be able to rely on them, and they're going to need to be able to rely on coaching and skills 

[00:14:50] Jami Shapiro: And scaffolding. So I'm always very quick. I pass no judgment on meds. one of my children is on them. 

[00:14:56] Mide Emans: Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:57] Jami Shapiro: but, anyway, just to address that. So that's great for you. So would you say that you did battle the rejection sensitive part prior to the meds? 

[00:15:08] Mide Emans: I think I would've come to a place probably when I turned 40.

[00:15:13] Mide Emans: I think we all hit 40 and. You become less concerned about what other people think and you start to have more faith in yourself. I think, when you're younger you worry about what people think you worry about people judging you. You worry about people looking at what you're wearing or looking at how your parents, or looking at what car you drive.

[00:15:33] Mide Emans: And I think as we get older, we start to worry a little bit less about these things. And for me, when I hit 50, I. Kind of cared even less what people thought. But again, that goes to maybe my contentness with where I'm at. 

[00:15:50] Jami Shapiro: it's amazing. you really, do sound. Like, you're in a really good spot and it's not always the case.

[00:15:56] Jami Shapiro: and that's again ADHD is such a spectrum. And some people, you can definitely hear the struggle when we speak and some people are like, give me some of that. they're just acing life. one of the things I do wanna point out too, as a certified senior advisor is that what I have learned is that the typical.

[00:16:12] Jami Shapiro: like the highest level of happiness in our ages and stages is typically our late 60's, which would, if you think about it, if you were on the normal progression Your kids are out of the house, you're getting to enjoy Grant. it seems like that might be a little, even though you're younger.

[00:16:26] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. I'm quite lucky. 

[00:16:28] Mide Emans: Well, I think also because I had my family young, I've watched my friends and as they grew older and kind of got married and started deciding to have families, it was a big choice to make, to have a family and they had to give up a sort of. Standard of living that they had where they were married and they had a double income and they had a couple of quids, so they had nice holidays or they maybe went skiing in the winter time and all of a sudden that changes and you have to be home.

[00:16:54] Mide Emans: Where I went from school to motherhood, I never had a life. So I never had to give up on cool stuff That I was doing. 'cause I hadn't started doing anything Cool. So. By the time my kids grew up and I started having a little bit of freedom, it was like, this is great, 

[00:17:10] Mide Emans: so from that point of view, it could have been easier, but also carried a lot of the baggage from childhood and from growing up it was bad enough. I was the one who got pregnant before I got married. I married my childhood sweetheart. We subsequently divorced, but I wasn't sleeping around.

[00:17:26] Mide Emans: I wasn't promiscuous in any shape, way or form. I got pregnant when I was 18. But the judgment was huge. And of course then as my kids grew, my son got pregnant at 17, which again is sort of like, oh, what kind of mother is she? And my daughter got tattoos when she was 14, and the other daughter got piercings.

[00:17:43] Mide Emans: And so the kids were always pushing boundaries, mind you as well. It's all a whole ADHD thing. And at the end of the day, I was upset about lots of things, but you have no control over it. And the older you get and the more children you have, and the more stuff that they do. The less you realize it matters.

[00:18:02] Mide Emans: Because what matters is that they're happy and they're healthy. And it doesn't matter if they have pink hair and 17 earrings and a tattoo. Like it's all about perspective. But I know it's trickier if it's your first, or when you've only got one or two children and. You're not being bombarded with.

[00:18:20] Mide Emans: I mean, there was always one of mine doing something that wasn't ideal. So let me ask you a 

[00:18:25] Jami Shapiro: question. When you were managing a household, I know how I felt. and again, I didn't know I had ADHD. I'm like, why can't I get it together? Like I always felt like I just did not run an efficient household the way that I perceived other people running it.

[00:18:40] Jami Shapiro: Was that something that you noticed? Yes. You noticed it, okay. Yes. 

[00:18:44] Mide Emans: And the house was always chaotic and it was always untidy. It wasn't dirty because I had a cleaner because well, I was always working full time and I had all the kids but it was always untidy and I always hated when people called around or when, somebody came unexpectedly.

[00:18:59] Mide Emans: And my mother-in-law was always difficult and judgmental around that and made me feel less than. So looking back, I think it was always a struggle and it was only when the kids moved out and then they'd come back and visit. And you realize they come in and they take off their headphones and they take off their hat, and then they take off their bag, and then they take off their coat and their umbrella and their jacket and their hoodie, and then they kick off their shoes and there's just stuff everywhere.

[00:19:27] Mide Emans: And when you multiply it by four And that's before they start making a sandwich or. Making hot chocolate or there was just always stuff everywhere and it seemed like you are just constantly tidying up and somebody likened it to like trying to brush your teeth while eating sweets.

[00:19:45] Mide Emans: That was what it was like in the house. You turn around and when you come back, there was another, so I was all the time shouting at people. Giving out to people. 

[00:19:53] Jami Shapiro: Living in a mess. So I didn't realize it at the time, but I would clean before I would have people come over.

[00:20:00] Jami Shapiro: I mean, so that dopamine would kick in because I was the same. I just could not keep it together and I shoved things in closets and I, did what I had to. but I would. turn into like a tyrant when people were coming over because then I'm like, it has to get done.

[00:20:13] Jami Shapiro: I'm so goal oriented, but I love the common experience and I think that's one of the things that people when they're listening to this podcast are connecting to is, "oh, I hear myself in that." I'm actually reading a book right now called "The Book Club for Troublesome Women" and it set place in the sixties.

[00:20:29] Jami Shapiro: Interestingly enough, while, things are changing for women's movements and their roles are changing, and one of the characters is so clearly ADHD, it's crazy. Like she's always starting a new project. She hasn't unpacked the boxes in her house. it's just so funny to now see it and to put this together, but, 

[00:20:46] Jami Shapiro: We're gonna take a break and when we come back, I would love for you to sort of give a little coaching advice to people who are listening that you think is just like the best advice you could possibly give to someone who's discovering they have ADHD and aging with ADHD has its own challenges, right?

[00:21:05] Jami Shapiro: And then ADHD. So combining the two. we're gonna take a pause and we are gonna come back with Mide Emans, did I get it right? Yeah. Sonas ADHD Coaching.

 

Are you tired of feeling like you can't get it together? Struggling with clutter that overwhelms you despite your best efforts. Wondering why organization feels impossible while others make it look so easy. You are not alone and it's not your fault. Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro. Host of the Grandma has ADHD podcast and I understand exactly what you're going through.

I combine my years of hands-on work as founder of Silver Linings Transitions, a move management and home organizing company, together with ADHD coach, training and help adults 50 and over connect the dots between ADHD and lifelong struggles. Whether you are downsizing, decluttering, or simply trying to create systems that work for your ADHD brain, I provide virtual and in-person coaching for those in the San Diego area.

Together we'll develop practical strategies that honor how your brain actually works, not how you think it should work, ready to trade. Shame for understanding. Visit grandma has adhd.com. Or call to schedule a discovery session at 7 6 0 6 0 7 7 3 7 7 because it's never too late to finally make sense of your story.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us at silverliningstransitions.com.

 

[00:23:57] Jami Shapiro: so I had asked you, as a coach and someone who has accepted your own ADHD, what would you say to a client or a friend who was coming to you and saying, I'm, pretty sure I have ADHD whether they decide to go the route of getting, a formal diagnosis or not.

[00:24:14] Jami Shapiro: actually, my formal diagnosis came from my child's psychiatrist. Who said you absolutely have it. And then when we have ADHD, we sort of go down the rabbit hole of some interest. So my interest has been ADHD and then going through the ADHD coaching program. I don't believe everybody has to have that formal diagnosis.

[00:24:33] Jami Shapiro: and what I say is that, even if you don't have ADHD, there's nothing we're going to teach you about strategies that is gonna be counterintuitive to being neurotypical. so what would your advice be? 'cause here I am going on and on. 

[00:24:46] Mide Emans: Oh yeah, no, absolutely. And it's funny when you say that ADHD diagnosis is based on a series of, behaviors and difficulties you have with things. And you have to reach a criteria to, an amount in various settings to be diagnosed. So there are people who don't have ADHD, but they do have some of the signs and symptoms some of the time. And so coaching is going to work with everybody, even if you have a, fewer symptoms or more symptoms.

[00:25:11] Mide Emans: And I suppose the thing with coaching is, the idea behind it is that. My job as a coach is to hold space for your job as a client. So you are coming with something you want to work on. So let's just say you can't get outta the house on time or whatever it is, and we'll work on that.

[00:25:28] Mide Emans: But I could be working with a different client with exactly the same thing, but you'd come to a different conclusion because. You are finding your answer to your issue and they're finding their answer to their issue. And what I'm really trying to do is help rewire and to go back to focus on the times where you've done something and it did go right and it went well and you succeed at where a lot of people, there'd be a negativity bias.

[00:25:52] Mide Emans: So you just think, oh, every time I do that, it goes wrong. Actually, my job is to sort of say, every time, can you not think of any time that it went right? And then when we find that time, we find out how it went right, or what went right or which bit of that can we pull back out for you to focus on the next time you're going to do the thing.

[00:26:10] Mide Emans: So it's a process that can work really, really well, whether you have a diagnosis or you don't have a diagnosis, and it's really just to help find solutions for you to do. The thing that you're struggling with, and it could be as simple as leaving the house on time with all the things you need to have in your handbag.

[00:26:29] Mide Emans: Or it could be bigger things, depending on what Clients are bringing. so it is a very worthwhile 

[00:26:35] Jami Shapiro: exercise. Absolutely. And that has been a thread through probably every interview that I've done is that negative talk, that self-talk, that negativity bias. Because, there's this, I don't know what came first, the chicken or egg, but the people who have ADHD have grown up with a lot of, criticism or, you're lazy or why are you always getting yourself into trouble so then 

[00:26:56] Jami Shapiro: That is that internalized voice that you have. So to your point, when somebody has something that they need to do, they're going to focus on the negative versus all of the other times where it was positive. I heard a great story. Someone said that, she was giving a presentation and everybody said how amazing it was, and then one person said something critical and that was the thing that she chose to focus on.

[00:27:18] Jami Shapiro: And that is something I see your head nodding. For those of you who are listening. And not watching on YouTube. Yeah. it's a thing. and the thing 

[00:27:25] Mide Emans: is, it doesn't have to be negative in the terms of people saying you're very lazy or you're always late. But it's when people are saying, can you not find your shoes?

[00:27:33] Mide Emans: your room is still untidy, or, it's negative comments. Even if it's not like accusation, but it's that, oh, you're always. Doing this, That there's so much negativity. 

[00:27:44] Jami Shapiro: Sure. So, as a grandma, I love that you are, you're a grandma with ADHD. what would you say the role of ADHD has impacted on your relationship with your grandchildren?

[00:27:56] Mide Emans: Well, that's interesting becauseI I've two grandchildren here and four step grandchildren in the UK that we see regularly. And one of them is actually currently being assessed for ADHD. He's only. Seven, he'd be eight in October. But the grandkids here, like I said, the eldest is 16 and there's no sign of ADHD there.

[00:28:16] Mide Emans: The 5-year-old maybe, she's certainly keeps us on her toes. But I've forgotten the 

[00:28:23] Jami Shapiro: question. do you think that, did you see any impact of being a grandparent, like, you how you might grandparent differently with ADHD and that relationship that you have with your grandchildren?

[00:28:31] Mide Emans: well, like I say, we're very young grandparents. So that sets us. Aside. Mm-hmm. We are very cool grandparents. We both ride motorbikes. And we do crazy stuff on the bikes and, so from the kids' point of view, telling their friends, there's a lot of stuff going on.

[00:28:49] Mide Emans: Or if we turn up at school on the bikes or at parties or whatever. And my grandson came in one day, he was about eight, and he came running into the room and he said, nanny, nanny, have you guys climbed Mount Everest yet? And I said no. And he said, okay. And he went. And I just love that he just thinks that's just something that we could just do.

[00:29:10] Mide Emans: I love that. so it's created a kind of nothing is beyond the bounds of possibility. and that blew me away. 'cause I'm kind of going, this is a great place for kids to be coming from or to see. it's a great thing 

[00:29:23] Jami Shapiro: for them to see. Absolutely. Okay, so that begs the question.

[00:29:26] Jami Shapiro: I love to ask people if you could, turn off a switch or turn on a switch and you could choose to have ADHD or not. And it's not situational. It's either you have it or you don't have it. what would you do with that switch? Oh, I'd leave it on a hundred percent. Yeah.

[00:29:42] Jami Shapiro: Okay. Is there ever a time that you wouldn't have left it on? 

[00:29:47] Mide Emans: Oh, well, you see, you're getting into situational variabilities. my problem has always been my mouth. I can't keep it shut. I get into trouble. Well, I might resemble that remark. Well, that's the thing. And I stand up for things.

[00:30:00] Mide Emans: If there's a wrong being done, I'll stand there. And I'll say it. And that doesn't make you popular. Not politically or anything like that, but even in a school setting or if there's something going on and parents are all giving out, and I'll say, well, let's go in and tell them that we're not happy with this.

[00:30:15] Mide Emans: And they'll go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll march off and I'll be standing in front of the principal going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I don't think through, 

[00:30:21] Jami Shapiro: nobody's followed me. I'm just the one in there causing a row. Well, we have a strong sense of justice. that's one of the things that I actually love about having ADHD friends and coworkers is that, you can trust them because we have that strong sense of justice.

[00:30:36] Jami Shapiro: So you would keep the button on? I would definitely keep the button up. Okay. Any other words of information or advice as well as how can people find you that you want to leave with our guests? I try to keep the podcast as short as possible because you and I both know that if you have ADHD, your attention is so, so small.

[00:30:56] Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. Or so much, 

[00:30:57] Mide Emans: I suppose one of the things that I am getting regularly from any research or any bits of information I'm getting, is that the most important thing around ADHD. and caring for or managing or looking after or being there for somebody with ADHD is to be educated. To understand it, you need to know what it is, why it happens, how it happens, how it presents, know their triggers, what upsets them.

[00:31:24] Mide Emans: What can be done and that a lot of the time they can't do a thing. It's not that they won't do a thing, it's that they can't do a thing. And to understand that and accept it and to try and find the scaffolding and that it's the environment around the person with ADHD that needs to change.

[00:31:39] Mide Emans: the person with ADHD can have therapy, whatever kind of therapy, play therapy, occupational therapy, coaching, whatever it is, but they can't do it alone. like a plant that's not doing well, you move it into the sun or you move it outta the sun, or you give it more water, or you give it less water.

[00:31:57] Mide Emans: But you don't just look at the plant and say, why won't it just grow? And yet we look at children and we say, why won't you tidy your room? Why won't you, be on time? Why won't you find your shoes? So the environment has to change, right. and we need to let people know.

[00:32:14] Jami Shapiro: as someone that's working with kids where they say it's not enough just to give the kids the coaching and the tools that the surrounding environment has to have it 

[00:32:21] Mide Emans: It's the same with adults. If it's your husband or your wife or your mom, it doesn't matter, right?

[00:32:26] Mide Emans: the environment needs to change so the people around the person with ADHD need to change and need to adapt and need to accommodate. 

[00:32:36] Jami Shapiro: and I would just say to that point, someone who has ADHD needs to give themselves grace and understand themselves and not beat themselves up, and really play to their strengths and what they're good at and what they're not good at.

[00:32:48] Mide Emans: And we have a lot of strengths and we are good at a lot of things. We just need to find it 

[00:32:53] Jami Shapiro: and own it. I love it. I don't think that I could have ended it better. If you enjoyed this podcast, I hope that you will share it with your friends and like it and subscribe. You can find Mide what is your website so that people can find 

[00:33:07] Mide Emans: it's Sonas ADHD coaching. So it's S-O-N-A-S ADHD coaching.com. and if you liked what you heard, listen and subscribe, find us on the Grandma has ADHD Facebook page and thank you so much for listening me to thank you so much for being a grandma with ADHD. Thank you for having me.

 

[00:33:36] Jami Shapiro: The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

[00:33:58] Jami Shapiro: Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.

[00:34:15] Jami Shapiro: If you think you may have a medical emergency. Call your doctor or emergency services immediately. The host, guests and producers of Grandma has ADHD. Do not assume any liability for the content of this podcast. Listen at your own discretion.