Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 43 – Acceptance is a Beautiful Thing

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 43

Share episode

In this insightful and relatable episode, host Jami Shapiro sits down with ADHD coach Julia Rice for a candid conversation about discovering ADHD later in life—and how it changes everything. Julia shares her story of being diagnosed in her late 30s after years of "managing just fine" until life circumstances, like the pandemic, career shifts, and perimenopause, amplified her ADHD symptoms. Sound familiar?

Jami and Julia dive into why ADHD in women, especially those over 50, often goes unnoticed, how family dynamics can mask ADHD traits, and why some of us create systems early in life without realizing we’ve been self-accommodating all along. Julia also opens up about how her mother likely has undiagnosed ADHD—a story many listeners will relate to—and how acceptance has reshaped both of their lives.

The episode is packed with real-life examples, practical coaching tips, and heartfelt moments about the power of community, self-compassion, and finally understanding your brain. Whether you’ve just discovered your ADHD, are supporting an aging parent, or simply want to feel less alone in your struggles with clutter, paperwork, or focus—this episode is for you.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Follow us:

Instagram:

@grandma_has_adhd
@silverliningstransitions

Facebook

Silver Linings Transitions
Grandma Has ADHD (Facebook Page & Group)

Youtube:

Grandma Has ADHD

Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing Grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

[00:01:25] Jami Shapiro: Hi, and welcome to the latest episode of Grandma Has ADHD. You might notice that I've got a different screen behind me, and that's because we had to move away from my normal podcast platform and pivot to Zoom. I love having ADHD because I am able to, think quickly and pivot and I also feel very strongly that Perfect is the enemy of done.

[00:01:51] Jami Shapiro: So, even though this isn't my preferred platform, here we are and I am excited to introduce Julia Rice. She is an ADHD coach based in Raleigh, North Carolina. Who helps adults navigate challenges, work towards goals, build self-awareness, and co-create strategies for living and working better with ADHD.

[00:02:13] Jami Shapiro: While many of her clients are entrepreneurs, leaders, and driven professionals, Julia has a passion for people and their whole complex lives, and works with adults across all life stages. Having ADHD herself, her greatest joy is in holding supportive space and providing thoughtful partnership. For fellow neurodivergent folks and others, she coaches with versatility, creativity, warmth, enthusiasm, humor, authenticity, and curiosity.

[00:02:45] Jami Shapiro: Before coaching full-time, Julia worked in direct in a director of leadership development, program management, design education, and organizational strategy with a mental health counseling approach. Wait, with a background. With a background in design and clinical, Mel Mental health. This is a mouth, see and I'm not editing.

[00:03:09] Jami Shapiro: That's a lot. You guys are gonna hear it as it goes with a background in design and clinical mental health counseling. Her approach is informed by psychology. design thinking, neuroscience, and cognition as they pertain to life and work. Whew. That reads like an ADHD bio. I have to say both the can tell ADHD in the description and the amount of work that you have done.

[00:03:34] Jami Shapiro: And to those of you who are listening, I have 55-year-old eyes. And when I look at the bio on Streamyard, it's bigger, I can see it better. So. I apologize for all the ling. Welcome, Julia. I'm not usually that messed up. 

[00:03:48] Julia Rice: Jami, that was great. Thank you. Thank you for having me. it's wonderful to be here with you.

[00:03:53] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. So Julie and I connected through a coaching and a book club for ADHD coaches through ADDCA, which you've heard me mention before. And I was excited because she is one of the coaches that also likes to work with seniors, so welcome. Thank you. Okay, so I got it right Mostly other than the jar balls.

[00:04:15] Jami Shapiro: But I always like to start about with people's ADHD journey and hear how you got here. So I'd love to hear, when did you discover you had ADHD And then take us backwards. 

[00:04:25] Julia Rice: Yeah, thank you. I was diagnosed like many women in my late thirties. I had that perfect storm of the pandemic and a new job environment, new family responsibilities, and approaching perimenopause.

[00:04:39] Julia Rice: And I had always operated a little bit differently and I had the different, ways of doing things, different challenges. my brain worked differently. But I think I had naturally adapted systems and strategies so early on that I didn't even know that I had accommodated myself.

[00:04:52] Julia Rice: Or that I had been in fairly accommodating environments. And so. With all these changes, all of a sudden it was like my symptoms were turned up to volume 11 and the things that I had in place or had done to accommodate myself and to support myself. They either weren't available or they just weren't working anymore.

[00:05:09] Julia Rice: They just weren't cutting it. So I talked with my doctor and kind of described what I was noticing, and it just clicked for both of us. Like, huh, this sounds a lot like ADHD

[00:05:20] Julia Rice: . So it wasn't easy to relearn. My brain give myself the kindness and patience I needed to figure things out.

[00:05:27] Julia Rice: But getting diagnosed for me was fantastic. I loved having that understanding of it, like your brain works differently, it was like finding puzzle pieces. And realizing I don't know how all this goes together yet, but I know that it will or it can if I work on it.

[00:05:41] Julia Rice: So I believe acceptance is a beautiful thing. Because it gives us something to focus on and if we know where to look and how to look at things and kind of what to expect along the way, we can get going on it. we can get working with our brains and be more likely to see a positive difference, so.

[00:05:57] Jami Shapiro: you have a lot that I wanna unpack right there. One of the things that you mentioned that I have not heard in any of my previous podcasts was the COVID, and I've heard that a lot of people found out or discovered that they had ADHD during COVID. What do you think it was about COVID that led to uncovering that?

[00:06:15] Julia Rice: I think it was just suddenly needing to do everything kind of differently and sort of. Having to troubleshoot. You don't have your regular routines in place anymore. for many of us, we weren't able to go into work every day. So that kind of, that process, that routine was suddenly, I didn't realize it, but I did a lot of processing on my commute.

[00:06:36] Julia Rice: Like I kind of unpacked the day or mentally prepared for the day. And so I had that in place. And then I was working, I started a new job and so I was supporting an organization that was navigating the pandemic and thinking about, all kinds of different operations that they were gonna have to take on differently.

[00:06:55] Julia Rice: And so I think for myself, maybe for others,It puts a lot of strain on your executive functioning naturally. And it may be more of a challenge all of a sudden. So Yes. I can't speak for everybody, but that's my answer in a nutshell.

[00:07:12] Jami Shapiro: I had other epiphanies during COVID, but I will tell you the way that you described the puzzle, I felt like I was getting a playbook to my life. And I have to tell you, one of the things that I love about having ADHD is that we tend to be very curious and we're, constant learners.

[00:07:26] Jami Shapiro: And just this morning I heard about sleeping in the T-Rex position. Have you heard of this before? 

[00:07:32] Julia Rice: No, but I'm really. 

[00:07:36] Jami Shapiro: So people with ADHD tend to sleep with their arms up, and tight in. And so that there can be a lot of wrist tension doing this. I don't know about that. I don't do that, that I'm aware of, but I definitely sleep like bundled in and I'm like, oh, a new one that I just learned.

[00:07:53] Jami Shapiro: So, it's just uncovering and unraveling and I think that's sort of what's happening in real time for so many people who, I'm actually recording the podcast in my 17-year-old daughter's room. It's where I get good internet reception. She is in here now, but we just discovered her ADHD couple of months ago, so that's exciting.

[00:08:14] Jami Shapiro: Hello? I knew that my oldest child had it. It looks very different on my 17-year-old. But anyway, so thank you for sharing that story. So how about your childhood? do you see any connection to ADHD as a child? I 

[00:08:27] Julia Rice: actually. they say that it starts in childhood, and so I think I was one of those that wanted to be up and moving around and, curious and interested in so many distracted, wanting to take on a lot.

[00:08:40] Julia Rice: Had a lot of different interests. Always have. I got diagnosed, I actually, talk to different family members about it and found that some family members had it. But spoke to my mom about it because I started realizing like, I think some of my stuff looks like some of your stuff.

[00:08:56] Julia Rice: And she said, oh, yeah, that's probably what I asked. that's probably me as well. Also so she had been a fourth grade teacher for like over 30 years. And so she had that, impression of ADHD was that, classic stereotype that it looks like a little boy, can't sit still in the classrooms running around.

[00:09:14] Julia Rice: And, she just had not ever gotten exposed to like all the. Diversity Really, that is within ADHD in itself. And so she was kinda like, but I'm smart and capable, how could this be me? And so we talked about it, that it looks different on everybody that has it.

[00:09:30] Julia Rice: And it also, there's different combinations lots of different kinds of symptoms, symptoms that aren't even in. DSM maybe, and they're expressed differently for different people. my dad has passed away now, but we kind of wonder if, like, he may have had it as well, but his presented very differently.

[00:09:46] Julia Rice: I think he was maybe more hyperactive, whereas my mom and I are more combined. Type. And so they're both very bright, very social, very adaptive folks. And I realize that I probably grew up in a household that we had a lot of ways of living and operating that affirmed our ADHD without knowing that that's what we were doing.

[00:10:05] Julia Rice: And then also being able to cope with our challenges without knowing that that's what we were doing. So. I was very fortunate in that respect. But there were also a lot of, like, I didn't have all those, all that clear understanding until mid adulthood.

[00:10:21] Jami Shapiro: So were your parents married? Did they stay married until your father passed? 

[00:10:24] Jami Shapiro: They did. They were married for over 50 years. And they were a team. There's a higher divorce rate among people with ADHD, which I have lots of theories behind that, but I always, like to ask that question.

[00:10:36] Jami Shapiro: So I actually have a father who was hyperactive. And so when my half brother was diagnosed, it was very clear where he had gotten it from Because my dad you could see it in family videos, but I didn't discover that my mother had it until less than two years ago and she was the impetus behind grandma has ADHD because to your point, it can look so different.

[00:10:56] Jami Shapiro: And I think one of the things that I'm hearing you're not hearing Benji, my dog who was walking, you might 

[00:11:01] Julia Rice: hear neighbor, my dog, who was with us as well. 

[00:11:04] Jami Shapiro: Oh, okay. Nice. Yes. I'm talking about you, Benji. well, nevermind. Anyway. 

[00:11:08] Julia Rice: Neighbor is sound asleep. 

[00:11:09] Jami Shapiro: We're all good for you. And of course then I forget my words because he has just distracted me, right?

[00:11:15] Jami Shapiro: We don't do well with transitions, but we were talking about, 

[00:11:21] Jami Shapiro: yes, how it looked so different and how that's why I didn't realize that my child had it, because it looked so different than my daughter had it, than my oldest child. So, okay. Thank you.

[00:11:30] Jami Shapiro: Thank you. See, now you're seeing ADHD playing itself in real life and to your, okay. Same. Acceptance. And that is one of the critical things and I actually had a previous guest on a podcast who said that she was diagnosed at 57. And at 67 she said, knowing that she has ADHD is permission to be herself, which I love that.

[00:11:52] Jami Shapiro: And actually it was what I titled her episode. 'cause it was so profound and so right on. And when we accept who we are, our lives are just better than fighting it. It's like what you resist persists. 

[00:12:03] Julia Rice: Yeah, that's absolutely true. that was something that for me, after I got diagnosed, shortly after I was turning 40 and I was like, you know what?

[00:12:13] Julia Rice: I'm gonna revisit who I am. I'm gonna be more of myself again. And that was, yeah, I loved that. That was like a gift. 

[00:12:22] Jami Shapiro: I agree. And that's like for seniors who are evaluating and it's normal for them to evaluate their lives. Like that's, I've talked about gerotranscendence and sort of making peace with decisions and the relationships and when they came to Crossroads, what decisions did they make?

[00:12:36] Jami Shapiro: And just kind of evaluating it and then evaluating it with an ADHD lens, right? And then an understanding, which is exactly why we are here today because I want to contribute towards that self-acceptance for seniors. So how did your mom feel like when you guys talked about it, how did she take it?

[00:12:54] Julia Rice: I think it made a lot of sense to her, but also, She is a very methodical person, and so she has those systems in place and she's got a lot going for her that really works for her, at home. She stays very active. She stays very social. She's always taking on new projects, creative pursuits.

[00:13:11] Julia Rice: she needs the time that she needs to think through things, but like she always gets there. She has very good follow through which is great. She takes notes about absolutely everything, and so she has her record, so she navigates it fairly well. And I don't know that she will ever pursue formal diagnosis.

[00:13:31] Julia Rice: But it's something that she is learning about in her own way 

[00:13:35] Jami Shapiro: as well. Dialed in. Would you say, I know the other way that it can impact people even when they have systems. Is that anxiety or the, rejection sensitivity? Does she have any of that? 

[00:13:47] Julia Rice: Not so much. I think I've had more of that than she has.

[00:13:51] Julia Rice: she is more in the camp of she's always been herself, she has some impulsivity. I will say that she grew up on a farm and when she was very young they had, these big beef cattle but she wanted to have a horse, this was in the fifties and there's all kinds of cowboys and cowgirls on tv, and she wanted to ride a horse.

[00:14:08] Julia Rice: And so she looked at this big, white face. beef cattle. And she said, I think I'll try sleeping in the pasture. And she said, I think I'll try to give him a ride. And it got up and just plucked her off. And she just wanted to make that happen. And so she's one that, kind of jumps into things, but she also has a very keen sense of people.

[00:14:25] Julia Rice: I think she's got really strong intuition. She's, like I said, stayed really connected to her community. And that. I think has really helped her a lot over the years. But she does get overwhelmed with things and so she and my dad were such a strong partnership that after he passed, I said, I can be like your backup brain.

[00:14:45] Julia Rice: I'm not gonna make decisions for you, but I can look through, I can dig in and do research for you. And then kind of lay out some options and help kind of reduce some of that overwhelm. And then you decide, and then we work on it together. So yeah, it's interesting when you lose one and your parents are together and you lose one parent.

[00:15:04] Julia Rice: 'cause your relationship with the other does change. And that's something that is interesting to navigate. we're still learning. 

[00:15:11] Jami Shapiro: Nice. Well, I'm sorry that you lost your dad and I'm glad that you're. Continuing to reinvent, which is such an ADHD treat as is intuition. It's like every time I do an interview and I hear another trait, I'm like, oh, ADHD.

[00:15:24] Jami Shapiro: That's a trait. That's a trait. So I would like to know you said you were working as a coach with adults and then you decided to also start to work with seniors. So you know, a lot of people, and I didn't recognize ADHD in seniors myself, which was why when I. Suddenly started to look back at all of these clients that I had worked with that had clutter problems.

[00:15:44] Jami Shapiro: I was like, wait a minute. They had ADHD also. Right? and so for me, who've been, working with seniors for 11 years in their homes and didn't make the connection that they also had ADHD until, less than two years ago. So tell me about what made you decide to work with seniors? 

[00:16:01] Julia Rice: I intended to, 

[00:16:02] Julia Rice: I'm gonna work with like mid-career adults, middle-aged folks like myself. But I didn't decide to work with seniors until actually someone was referred to me and I thought about it and, with my background as a therapist and an educator, I've spent years working with folks across the lifespan.

[00:16:18] Julia Rice: And I've really enjoyed working with clients who are approaching those retirement years, entering their senior years, navigating their senior years. I'm also an only child of older adults, and so when you are an only child, you have kind of have a closer.

[00:16:33] Julia Rice: Relationship with your parents, you're not a peer, but you're a little closer to that. And then so I was a little bit more in tuned into their aging early on and, taking the role of supporting them as they got older. And so like I said, when I started my coaching practice, they tell you to set your focus and say, okay, I'm gonna work with middle aged folks, middle aged adults, and but started, working with. You know, got some referrals and started working with folks from across the lifespan. Now I have clients as young as 18, as old as 72 right now. I'm so glad that I do. I've always loved lifespan development. Each stage in life is so special in different, in its own way.

[00:17:13] Julia Rice: Our brains and bodies change our goals. Our purpose changes throughout our lives. You never stop learning. About who you are, 

[00:17:22] Jami Shapiro: you think? I hope not. When people say, well, why does it matter? Why does it matter for a senior to discover they have ADHD? And I'm like, well, do you wanna stop learning at any point?

[00:17:30] Jami Shapiro: Like if your brain is intact, Do you wanna start, improving your life, or do we just sit on that rocking chair and just wait till, we pass? It's like, that's one of my, really passionate about that. 

[00:17:40] Julia Rice: And I think a lot of folks with ADHD like would wanna learn throughout their lives, and 

[00:17:45] Julia Rice: Yeah, and our thinking changes, our behavior changes how we interact with the world changes, right? So a lot of my most successful moments that I, could remember as a therapist and educator had to do with, with that lifespan and learning to adjust through the life stages or help somebody else, how to help folks, help others learn how to, how to adjust, whether through adolescence or, into those senior years. So naturally it's become one of my favorite aspects of coaching as well. 

[00:18:12] Jami Shapiro: So, I wanna take a break, but when we come back, I have two questions that I wanna ask you.

[00:18:16] Jami Shapiro: One is, if you could share maybe an older adult that you've worked In coaching who has ADHD and how you helped them and what you would do in coaching. And then I always like to ask the button question, if you could press a button and turn off your ADHD, would you?

[00:18:31] Jami Shapiro: So we're gonna pause because I've got a very aggressive Benji who is distracting me and I need to do something with him even though he was wrong for the podcast. So we're gonna pause and then when we come back with Julia, she is going to answer those questions.

 

Are you tired of feeling like you can't get it together? Struggling with clutter that overwhelms you despite your best efforts. Wondering why organization feels impossible while others make it look so easy. You are not alone and it's not your fault. Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro. Host of the Grandma has ADHD podcast and I understand exactly what you're going through.

I combine my years of hands-on work as founder of Silver Linings Transitions, a move management and home organizing company, together with ADHD coach, training and help adults 50 and over connect the dots between ADHD and lifelong struggles. Whether you are downsizing, decluttering, or simply trying to create systems that work for your ADHD brain, I provide virtual and in-person coaching for those in the San Diego area.

Together we'll develop practical strategies that honor how your brain actually works, not how you think it should work, ready to trade. Shame for understanding. Visit Grandma has adhd.com. Or call to schedule a discovery session at 7 6 0 6 0 7 7 3 7 7 because it's never too late to finally make sense of your story.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com.

 

[00:21:27] Jami Shapiro: So we are back with Julia and I have kicked Benji out of the room because even though Julia said she couldn't hear him, for me it was that little nagging distraction and I couldn't pay full attention to Julia.

[00:21:38] Jami Shapiro: So when we left for our break, I told you there were two questions I was going to ask. One was, could you describe how working with an older adult. As a coach, what their challenges and issues might be and how they might differ from, another person that you would work with.

[00:21:53] Julia Rice: Sure. I think, if it's a different stage of life and a lot of my clients, they have, never been in coaching before, never been in therapy. Some have been in therapy, but not coaching, and so it's about learning what the difference between the two is, which I know you've talked about some on the podcast.

[00:22:10] Julia Rice: I find that one of the things I help my senior clients with the most is figuring out how to recognize reframe and communicate their needs and their wants, and their experiences, what they're going through. And To acknowledge that difference communicate it to loved ones.

[00:22:25] Julia Rice: 'Cause sometimes it's about, building that awareness first is that, hey, we're going through changes of, these are some of the things that are going on now. we're so interest based that, sometimes we don't want to have to deal with the ways that we change.

[00:22:38] Julia Rice: Mm-hmm. But, getting comfortable with, getting help with the idea of having some help rather than doing things all ourselves, you know, we don't like to be told what to do with ADHD, we're go-getters a lot of times and we can have a really hard time delegating.

[00:22:52] Julia Rice: So figuring out like what kind of options we might have Also, exploring how, when we're so wired for that autonomy. and wanting to be independent, how getting help can actually support that, right? Because, it can mean that we're more easily able to get things done.

[00:23:09] Julia Rice: So if you can kind of get rooted in your strengths and then find folks that are good at other things, I've also have adult clients with ADHD who have aging parents and need to figure out, how do I communicate with them. So, they're getting their needs met, but I'm getting my needs.

[00:23:25] Julia Rice: Met too. And so a lot of times it's working through strategies for that as well. But in natural ADHD function.

[00:23:32] Julia Rice: So what I talk with all of my clients about, we really dig into, the strengths, which I know that, from your training at ADDCA, we talk about, what are our strengths? And I had a client who I will say. Worked in a position where she supported a large community.

[00:23:47] Julia Rice: And she was great. She was like a pied piper, everybody, loved her. But she being in charge of this community had an issue that she had to sort out with a bank. And she was like, I don't wanna do that. this is all, form. Yeah. Forms, who was allowed to do what, and it was someone who had moved on that no longer, then they wanted to move banks, and she's like, I've got to get this done, but I am paralyzed.

[00:24:11] Jami Shapiro: that's why when you said that, I said forms, it's like it makes your skin crawl, does it not? Like it makes my skin real too. I'll not do something because I have to complete a form. it's something that I want to do, but that form is that it's that block me. and 

[00:24:24] Julia Rice: that's exactly what had been going on with her is she had been putting it off and putting it off.

[00:24:29] Julia Rice: But she was like, it's, it's hanging over my head and I need to get it done. And so, we talked through And She didn't wanna ask anybody for help. And I said, when you go into that bank, whoever's there, I bet they're pretty good at, working with folks that have similar questions or dealing with this kind of thing.

[00:24:47] Julia Rice: I think, you know, what if you just go in and say like, Hey, I'm pretty exasperated by this. maybe this is kind of a doozy and I'm hoping you can help me. Yeah. And then also just kind of expecting, it's gonna be a messy process. It's gonna take a few steps. But we'll find out what that first one is, right?

[00:25:05] Julia Rice: and then we'll go from there. And so. 

[00:25:08] Jami Shapiro: I've been thinking that we need to have, accommodations for wheelchairs and we need to have a society that accommodates the ADHD brain. Yeah. 'cause I don't know if you have ever had this, but.

[00:25:20] Jami Shapiro: I prior to online bill paying, Where you could just set it up for autopay. Mm-hmm. I was constantly getting late fees, just constantly. And wouldn't it be great if there was some sort of life accommodation where you get accommodations for forms and you get accommodations for, technology and you get accommodations for late payments?

[00:25:38] Jami Shapiro: as you were saying that, of course. And I had to vocalize it, because you also know that when your brain holds onto something, you can't like, get it out. Yeah. 

[00:25:44] Julia Rice: it'll go. And that was a good one. that's really important. Like I didn't say to this client like, you could go and be like, look, I have ADHD.

[00:25:51] Julia Rice: Okay. Like, my brain is trying to work on all the pieces and parts at the same time. It's all trying to go through the funnel at once. I am a fan of kind of saying like, I have ADHD and this is how things are going for me, and This is what I need, like here tell me what is the first thing.

[00:26:06] Julia Rice: Yeah. Just to normalize, there's a lot of us out in the world that our brains, may need a little bit of help filtering, right? Like, which is the thing that's most important first. We may need to be able to talk it through with somebody else. That's another thing with my mom is she's a verbal processor and so, she'll text me and be like, I need to talk.

[00:26:25] Julia Rice: And I know that she needs to verbalize. Things and I need to listen and reframe what she's saying and she's gonna be able to figure it out, most of the time or figure out who she needs to talk to. but knowing. your brain and learning, what do I need to ask for?

[00:26:41] Julia Rice: And in the situation with this client, it was a couple of steps process, but once she gets going on something, she's very persistent and she started. Not just getting help from one person, but getting help from other people. And we talked about it and she realized like, yeah, my strength is kind of rallying folks, rallying folks behind a cause or rallying folks.

[00:27:02] Julia Rice: and I'm a good leader. And part of being a good leader is knowing how to recognize, when you're not good at something and you need to call on somebody else to help you out with that. And you need to like cheer 'em on and be like, thank you. You are so great at this.

[00:27:17] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. Right. And I wanna also highlight another thing that you mentioned. Was that a lot of seniors I don't remember what you said, but they are usually a little more reluctant to, acknowledge that they have ADHD or any other neurodiversity Then so they don't get the help and they also aren't as likely to ask for help, which is, another reason that when people like, just step into it.

[00:27:40] Jami Shapiro: Hey. This is what's going on, and this is exactly why I do the podcast the way that I do it. I could have it all edited and cut up, but I'm like, no, that's not who I am. And that's not how my life goes. So, you people, saw me lose a word, right? They saw me lose my thought. You know that? Yeah.

[00:27:55] Jami Shapiro: And now when I give a presentation, by the way, whether I'm giving it. On the subject of ADHD or I do a lot of presentations about decluttering and downsizing and I tell people from the beginning, I have ADHD, so please turn off your phones because if your phone goes off, I'm gonna lose my train of thought 

[00:28:12] Jami Shapiro: Yeah, I own it. I just step into it and you're gonna see me lose words. and now I'm so much more comfortable and so like I said, when I am myself, I give you permission to be yourself and then that trickles out into our listeners, like, oh yeah. And the other thing that I think amazing is, interviewing all of these amazing people with ADHD.

[00:28:32] Jami Shapiro: And like I said, when I was reading your bio, I'm amazed at. All of the things that people with ADHD are able to do. And yes, we don't work the same job for 20 years but. We're pretty amazing people and we pivot and we find our strengths and yes, we go on to our next interest.

[00:28:49] Jami Shapiro: But, that's probably my favorite part of the whole podcast is just really like getting to hear other people's stories and, yeah, connecting 

[00:28:57] Julia Rice: well. I wanted to say something on something that you just said while I'm trying to like hold it in my working memory sticky note. about living, essentially, and saying like, when you're having a moment when there's something with ADHD going on, like, I just forgot what I was going to say.

[00:29:12] Julia Rice: I will come right back to me or look, I need you to put your phones away. it's just as important for me to not be distracted, I have found that I was a little concerned at first when, going out into the world and saying, I'm an ADHD coach, I have ADHD, and kind of telling folks about it, stigma is real.

[00:29:31] Julia Rice: And I was a little nervous about that, especially, at the background of the therapist. you don't disclose a lot of things about yourself personally. But as a coach, what I found is that being. myself, my authentic self, having ADHD is such an asset to how I can help clients because it's such a complex thing that affects all areas of your life.

[00:29:55] Julia Rice: but, if you live with it real time, you get it, and they can sense that. and if you, lose track of something or If you forget what you were saying it's almost make space and gives a little bit of permission for that to be. Perfectly normal, if whatever normal might be.

[00:30:13] Julia Rice: And I've also found, like going out into the world in different business environments and other leadership environments, when I introduce myself as an ADHD coach, I meet so many people. They're like, oh my God, I have ADHD. And I think to myself, you would never be telling anybody that in this, networking event or business.

[00:30:33] Julia Rice: Function, had someone not, said, this is what I do. So I just appreciate you saying that because I love. Moving through the world in that way as well. And 

[00:30:43] Jami Shapiro: I will say that I can't even imagine going to an ADHD coach who didn't understand how it feels.

[00:30:50] Jami Shapiro: Right? Like you, So if you're not watching and you're listening, Julie's eye is just like super big. It's because our brain wired differently. I don't like the word disorder because we're just wired differently. Yeah. 

[00:31:02] Julia Rice: I'll 

[00:31:02] Jami Shapiro: think back to another thing that you said. 'cause it's something that I really struggle with and I apologize now.

[00:31:07] Jami Shapiro: I do tend to cut people off a lot and it's because either I'm really excited and I'm like, oh, I've gotta share this. I get it, or I'm going to forget if I don't put it out like I happen to be as we're sitting here taking notes, but I can't do that in normal conversations otherwise. Right. So how do you put a sticky note on something?

[00:31:26] Jami Shapiro: I would love to know what your tip is. 

[00:31:28] Julia Rice: I'm not sure I have a great tip. it's hard. Well, you just said one actually. I usually have a notepad and a pen everywhere I go. I process really well. Taking notes helps me focus. And I tell clients that I work with, me, I see clients all over the country virtually, 

[00:31:45] Julia Rice: And I say, if you see me looking down here, it's 'cause I'm taking notes and that is helping me, focus on what you're saying. Processing, remember, things that, I wanna reflect back to you. And they're all like, oh yeah, that makes sense. so writing definitely, that I think would be the best one that I can think of. Or it's just that, again, acceptance is a beautiful thing. Like if you can accept, hey, if it's really that great of a thought and I lose it, it'll come back or it won't, But yeah, note taking 

[00:32:14] Jami Shapiro: all day, every day.

[00:32:15] Jami Shapiro: Nice. Okay. So the one thing that you mentioned and it's such a good segue, you said that you see clients virtually. So one of the things that I like to do when I interview people on the podcast is to let someone who really liked hearing you and connected with you find you so that they can work with you.

[00:32:32] Jami Shapiro: So that's not gonna be the last question, but I wanna make sure that we get that in. So who do you work with and how do they find you? Julia Rice. 

[00:32:39] Julia Rice: Yes, I work with adults mostly, like I said. my youngest client is 18 oldest client right now is 72. Focusing on working with adults at the moment.

[00:32:47] Julia Rice: If you would like to get in touch, you can go to my website. It's Julia Rice and Co. That's Julia Rice A-N-D-C-O.com. And there's a form where you can sign up for a free discovery session, so that'll. Help us set up a call where we can chat, I can clarify more about what coaching is if you need and, we can see if we're a good fit.

[00:33:08] Julia Rice: We can talk about what you might wanna work on, what's going on. And I like to really thoroughly inform my clients so that they know what they're getting into and can make that decision. So I will, send you some information to look over on your own, in your own time.

[00:33:24] Julia Rice: and then if you wanna move forward you'll have some links to do that. So it is internet based. But it's a pretty straightforward process. So yes, Julia Rice and co.com. 

[00:33:34] Jami Shapiro: That's R-I-C-E in rice? 

[00:33:36] Julia Rice: Yes. 

[00:33:37] Jami Shapiro: Okay. All right. So here is the question that I always like to ask people, and then of course I'm gonna give you the opportunity to tell me anything that I didn't ask that you're like, oh, I wish I had said that button.

[00:33:46] Jami Shapiro: If you could press a button and your ADHD would be gone, would you get rid of it? 

[00:33:52] Julia Rice: Man, I don't think so. Like what? That I honestly, gut reaction is like, who would I be? But without my ADHD, I would be afraid I would lose too many of the characteristics I like so much about myself, quite honestly.

[00:34:07] Julia Rice: and probably, maybe I wouldn't, butI don't think ADHD is a superpower, but I think there's some really wonderful things about having ADHD too, so I don't think that I would, if I could press a button and turn it off and live for a day to see what it's like.

[00:34:23] Julia Rice: that's not an option. I mean, heres me being curious, 

[00:34:26] Jami Shapiro: right? you go MacGyvering the question. You didn't just answer it the way it was, right? 

[00:34:31] Julia Rice: No, I don't think so. I 

[00:34:32] Jami Shapiro: really don't. So it's interesting because only one person so far that since I've been asking the question has said yes, and then she kind of backtracked and then, you couldn't tell that she wasn't really certain about her decision.

[00:34:42] Jami Shapiro: So it's interesting. Yeah. If there are traits that I could get rid of them. Right. But that's not the reality of life. Like you get the whole package. Yeah. I know my boyfriend we live together and he would love to like, make sure that I'm closing cabinet door and not spilling all the time and not scratching surfaces of really nice pans or, whatever.

[00:35:01] Jami Shapiro: But then he doesn't get the fun, joyful light, it just comes together. 

[00:35:05] Julia Rice: Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Like, I, think it's a trade off, and I would think I would miss it. And I also like lived a lot of my life not even knowing that I had it. I think that is something to be kind of we're aware of as a coach is, folks that are diagnosed younger may have had a different view of their ADHD.

[00:35:22] Julia Rice: And, I have clients that, they had to kind of relearn what their relationship with their own ADHD was like over time and hopefully kind of build a better relationship with it. But it's too much fun having ADHD. It's tough, but it's fun and we like a challenge, right.

[00:35:41] Jami Shapiro: We do. What would you say to somebody who's listening to this podcast who is just discovering this ADHD world and oh my gosh, I've lived my whole life with it now. What? 

[00:35:51] Julia Rice: Mm-hmm. Well, I think The first thing is like something that Ned Hallowell says, is like, don't worry alone. Find somebody to talk to about it.

[00:36:01] Julia Rice: Have somebody that you can bounce ideas with off of, to, as you learn about your ADHD brain get a coach who can support you and working through things. That whole thing of like having a hard time filtering and having a hard time holding one thought in our head. A coach can help you do those things, right?

[00:36:18] Julia Rice: They can reflect things back to you and bring those thoughts back. when it's time to look at 'em closer. I think, a coach can help you with your challenges, but also, they can help you recognize your strengths as well and really lean into those.

[00:36:30] Julia Rice: So on that note, find out what your strengths are and lean in. 'cause they will ground you. If something's not your area of expertise, that's okay too. We're all different, got different strengths. I believe that, we are here to help each other out as humans. And it's one of the best parts about being human is getting to support each other.

[00:36:48] Julia Rice: So learn about how your brain works. Communicate what you need, help your people help you, Ask for what you need, but pay attention to what other people need as well. We are really good at getting wrapped up in our own things, our own passions, what we're interested in, what we've got going on.

[00:37:04] Julia Rice: It's easy to overlook how we're affecting other people, so, I think it's a really good idea to stay socially connected, find your people help people share your strengths, and also accept help. When areas of, it's not your strength. Right. And then lastly, I would say be kind to yourself.

[00:37:22] Julia Rice: Like it's hard to do. Like we're really good at self criticism and we probably have heard a lot of judgment over the years. But when you're navigating life with ADHD, like it's important to people to have people in your corner but also have yourself in your corner, be in your corner.

[00:37:39] Julia Rice: Don't be the person that's like in the ring. Beating you up. So yeah, 

[00:37:43] Jami Shapiro: I think that's been the number one thing that most people have shared. Like, we've got to learn to be nice to ourselves. Okay. Anything else, any parting words before we end the episode? 'cause I always, I wish I had said that and I don't want you keep this conversation with ah.

[00:37:59] Julia Rice: I think you and I could probably talk for ages, and this has been so much fun, and I hope we can stay in touch and chat more down the line. ButI really appreciate you having me and I love your podcast. I think it's so important what you're doing and I told my mom I was going to be a guest and she said, oh, I want to listen to that podcast.

[00:38:18] Julia Rice: I'm gonna go, 

[00:38:19] Jami Shapiro: she wants to be on it. She can. 

[00:38:20] Julia Rice: I love it. Yeah. I think we are on the East coast and I don't know if you ever work on the East coast, but I have a feeling she could be a client for your business overall. Oh, 

[00:38:28] Jami Shapiro: I do virtual and I'm actually going to be starting a group in October for ADHD Awareness month.

[00:38:34] Jami Shapiro: I'm not promoting it yet, but I'm going to be building a community of other people who are kind of coming into this. Together, and also the challenges that they have with decluttering and going through a lifetime of possession. Yes, tying it back to the work that I've been doing for 12 years. Right. So 

[00:38:50] Julia Rice: yes, that is just such, a huge topic and for her andso 

[00:38:54] Julia Rice: I just really admire what you do and it's an honor and a joy to be on your podcast. So thank you so much. You just made 

[00:39:00] Jami Shapiro: my day. Thank you so much. Well, if you enjoyed this podcast and would like to get in touch with Julia Rice, you can find her at Julia Rice and A-N-D-C-O .com. And please share this podcast with your friends and family and join our ADHD.

[00:39:18] Jami Shapiro: Grandma has ADHD community. We are new, but again, people are sort of just discovering and coming to this conversation. And I am sure that already I've gotten such great feedback from people who are listening to the podcast and are connecting and we're just gonna keep going from here. So thanks so much for listening and make the rest of your life the best of your life.

 

The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.

If you think you may have a medical emergency. Call your doctor or emergency services immediately. The host, guests and producers of Grandma has ADHD. Do not assume any liability for the content of this podcast. Listen at your own discretion.