Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 51 - Wound Care Expert "You Need to be the Bigger Person for Yourself and Ask for Help"

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 51

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What does wound care have to do with ADHD? A lot more than you might think. In this eye-opening episode of Grandma Has ADHD, host Jami Shapiro welcomes back Kayva Jha, a business development manager in mobile wound care and a passionate advocate for connecting the dots between physical health, mental health, and neurodiversity.

Together, Jami and Kayva unpack how ADHD impacts wound care, healing, and compliance—especially for adults over 50. From missed medications and forgotten routines to nutrition challenges, chronic pain, and social isolation, ADHD can quietly shape the way wounds are cared for and how they heal.

Kayva shares real-world insights from her work with seniors and patients, explaining how nutrition, lifestyle, and support systems make all the difference in recovery. She also opens up about her own struggles with perfectionism, independence, and accepting help—reminding us that caring for ourselves isn’t weakness, it’s survival.

Whether you live with ADHD, support someone who does, or simply want to better understand the link between neurodiversity and healthcare, this powerful conversation will leave you with a new perspective on both wound care and self-care.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jamie Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

 

[00:01:29] Jami Shapiro: Hi, and welcome to another episode of Grandma has ADHD. If you've been listening to my podcasts, you know that it isn't often that I have a repeat guest, but with today's guest, our conversation was so important that I felt like it needed its own separate container. So I do want to introduce you to.

[00:01:56] Jami Shapiro: Kayva Jha. so in true confession, I'm gonna give you an ADHD moment. I am having back issues and so everything is off today. And because I've had Kayva before, I did not bring her bio back. So Kayva, you're gonna be the one today that gets to reintroduce yourself.

[00:02:12] Jami Shapiro: But before you do, what I want to share with everybody is that we had a conversation with Kayva that I have not had before. That is the ADHD DHD perspective through the eyes of a perfectionist. Because I'm used to dealing with people who've had the clutter and the disorganization hearing Kayva's story was really, really impactful.

[00:02:35] Jami Shapiro: It really has sat with me. I wanted you to know that. So we're not gonna get so much into the ADHD background of Kayva In this episode because she has important, important information that I wanted to share with my audience. But I'm going to have in the show notes a link to the episode where you get to hear more about Kayva and her being a perfectionist.

[00:02:54] Jami Shapiro: And there's this big misconception that people with ADHD are always cluttered and all over the place, and absolutely that is not the case. So Kayva, introduce yourself. Give us a little bit, just a little bit of a teaser, 'cause we really want them to listen to the other episode and then we're gonna get into the wound care and why I had you back today.

[00:03:12] Kayva Jha: Absolutely. I'm having bad back issues today too, so it's really funny you said that. Yes. Going back into, just reintroducing myself, my name is Kayva Jha. And I am really interested in diving more into what it's like juggling the perfectionism 'cause you say being, you know, we are

[00:03:35] Kayva Jha: Normally labeled as disorganized and cluttered. And I would be lying if I were saying that I was this organization Queen. I definitely have my moments of disorganization, disarray, and clutter, but you still are also juggling that side of you. That is a perfectionist. You'll see me, constantly touching my hair a lot and things like that because that's just a manifestation of it.

[00:03:56] Kayva Jha: So did you want me to give more of a just bio again on work or, 

[00:04:00] Jami Shapiro: Well, let me share why I wanted to have you back and why I said, during our last very, very long call, I said, we really need to stop this episode and just do its own episode and container on wound care because you basically introduced me to concepts that I had never even considered.

[00:04:17] Jami Shapiro: And, that is how wounds can impact people socially and how social isolation can also impact wounds and hadn't considered compliance with ADHD and how it's very difficult for people who have a hard time with routine to take medications or to do wound care. So that does play into the ADHD conversation.

[00:04:41] Jami Shapiro: And so I wanted you to give us a little bit of the background of what it is that you do professionally and, and then, kind of what I just said. 

[00:04:51] Kayva Jha: Awesome. That was really helpful. Absolutely. I function as a business development and territory manager for our mobile wound clinic in Arizona.

[00:05:02] Kayva Jha: The company essentially is an overarching, wound care company that combines the technology needed that's necessary to also collect data on our wound recovery. But they have various branches around the country. So I manage Arizona and. In my time of doing intake work and being around patients, I would notice.

[00:05:22] Kayva Jha: As somebody who has a background in psychology and also my own experiences, I would notice a lot of these patients having the same kind of patterns or behaviors that I recognize within even myself when came into areas of compliance and being able to stay on track or on regime for treatment and recovery, which is so crucial in wound care.

[00:05:48] Kayva Jha: And even just. One little misstep can completely derail your progress. And I feel like if we're not addressing this as a medical society when we're looking at patients with wound care issues, that they may also have behavioral health markers that we are not truly treating the whole patient.

[00:06:06] Jami Shapiro: I love that. Well, first of all, okay. I wanna make sure that you share that and your insights, but also that if somebody happens to be listening and they're not in Arizona, help us also guide them to where they wanna go. So I wanna make sure we cover that. Okay. So. we are gonna go back to our conversation when you basically said, and let me kind of give an ADHD story 'cause I know I learned better with stories.

[00:06:29] Jami Shapiro: I'm sure you do too as well Kayva. so this is an audience of 50 over Kayva's. Lucky she's not there yet, but I was seeing somebody about some of the perimenopausal issues that I was having. And so I went to an internal medicine doctor and she did all my blood work. I paid a lot of money to have my blood work done.

[00:06:46] Jami Shapiro: And then she gave me, These are the things you need to take in the morning. These are the things you need to take with meals. This is the need. and I wanna say this, it was before I understood the impact of ADHD on my personal life.

[00:06:57] Jami Shapiro: And so she gave me, I wanna say Easily 10 medications. And that was in addition to what I already take. 'cause I had thyroid cancer and I take thyroid replacement and I could not stay on top of it. I could not do it. And now I know like shorten it from even like skincare routines, I, two, three steps tops.

[00:07:17] Jami Shapiro: I mean, you and I on our last episode, it was funny 'cause you're brilliant and we were talking about cooking and you said that you had a cookbook that was four ingredients or less, right? So I can't even imagine compliance for somebody. With our kind of brain who you've gotta do this in the morning, and then you've gotta do this and you've gotta do this.

[00:07:35] Jami Shapiro: And I mean, we don't do well with that. So I can see where that would be a real problem for someone who's caring for their own wounds. So I would love to kind of hear a little bit about who you serve, how you serve them, serve the whole body, and how you're, bringing in neurodiversity into the conversation.

[00:07:54] Kayva Jha: Absolutely. You know, typically our patient population is in the senior range. Definitely 50 plus. And we see this because as the human body gets older, the metabolism slows down. And that means that all of the functions in the body are just slowing down. So something as basic as healing skin which is something we all have the capacity to do, otherwise we would not be here.

[00:08:21] Kayva Jha: Is. it becomes a slower process that there needs to be more aid to help build the integrity back of that skin. When we talk about optimizing a patient in wound care, we are talking about getting their nutrition back on track, making sure they have enough protein that's huge for wound for any kind of healing.

[00:08:41] Kayva Jha: Making sure that they are physical lifestyle and regime. However, whichever situation they may be in, whether they're, immobile or have a decreased mobility, whatever, wherever they're at, that it is optimized for them to maintain a healthy lifestyle and keep that circulation and blood flow going.

[00:08:59] Kayva Jha: So there's so many areas that you have to look into, but one thing that I always say, and most of the doctors that I've talked to will also emphasize is. Wound healing. I think anywhere from 60 to 80% of it is straight up your nutrition and lifestyle. I mean, you could be getting the best care in the world, but if you're completely ignoring those aspects, you're setting yourself back.

[00:09:24] Kayva Jha: And it's interesting, I had like a very personal conversation about my own personal health with this recently, but it just made me realize how much we're almost not wired to take care of ourselves and to look after ourselves. Like it genuinely, we need the help and the management of other people in our life to keep us on track because while we may be so much more outward focused on others, and if it's somebody else having an issue, we have the solution immediately.

[00:09:52] Kayva Jha: we genuinely lack the neural pathways to, Be back on ourself. I wanna 

[00:09:57] Jami Shapiro: ask you about When you say we, do you mean we people in the ADHD community or you mean we as human beings? 

[00:10:04] Kayva Jha: We people mainly in the ADHD community and. I wouldn't say quote me on it because, we were talking about a specific issue with like nutrition and feeding.

[00:10:13] Kayva Jha: Sure, yeah. But I do believe that in general, from what I've seen, even just in my friends in the community and the ADHD group, very selfless people who are constantly looking out for others. And so they're very good at managing other people and their relationships with them. But when it comes to themselves, it's almost like you take on caring for more things because you don't know how to take care of yourself.

[00:10:35] Jami Shapiro: Well it's interesting 'cause I did a coaching session yesterday with somebody who is caring for everybody else and I needed to give her permission to start going to the gym because she felt guilty or, you know, doing the things that light her up. And I said, what do they say when you get onto an airplane?

[00:10:55] Jami Shapiro: Do you know what they say when you get onto an airplane? Right. Your oxygen mask on first. yes, your oxygen mask on first. If you're watching me on YouTube, you're seeing me wince and I apologize. It's, anyway,

[00:11:05] Jami Shapiro: I wanna touch on the nutrition and lifestyle because that's another problem that I am finding out is very common in the ADHD space.

[00:11:13] Jami Shapiro: And That I know a lot of us crave sugar. We are low in dopamine and we will get that dopamine hit from sugar. And so of course your body is saying, eat that ice cream. You know, it's kind of hard to have that solid when your body says, no, I want the ice cream. And we do struggle with.

[00:11:31] Jami Shapiro: I like to say movement. I learned not to call it exercise 'cause that can be a bad word for some people, even though it's so important, for anyone's health. anybody regardless of age. Right? But especially in ADHD brain or a senior, it's so important that we move our bodies. And those of us with ADHD often self-care is not fun and that we don't get dopamine from it.

[00:11:53] Jami Shapiro: So we. Don't do it. So, you can see where the two could lead together. So I just,wanted to comment on that. 

[00:12:00] Kayva Jha: and I think, actually, let's talk about pain. This is a really good standpoint because it's actually gonna feed right into how this can develop over a long term period. Okay. So you are experiencing back issues.

[00:12:14] Kayva Jha: I have had back issues since I was child, I mean, having to get, professional massages since I was, me too on that level. 20 

[00:12:22] Jami Shapiro: 20, 21. Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:24] Kayva Jha: Yeah. I'm 25, so it's like 15 years. Okay. Of having had this issue. And one of the things that came up with my PT who is also a close family friend at this point, but when I first saw her, she just told me, she was like, you're like a Xerox copy of my daughter.

[00:12:43] Kayva Jha: She is so similar to you. Like she is a perfectionist. everything has to be right. At the same time, she's wildly independent, like she can't be managed by anyone. But her biggest issue is. feeding herself and she has an issue with an eating disorder too. And when my PT was talking to my mom about what's really going on with me, she brought it back to, I think Kayva thinks that she's fine, but there is still an issue with feeding, which is leading into this whole entire issue of pain.

[00:13:18] Kayva Jha: Like her body is just not up anymore and it's. Making everything more painful. And my mom was telling her about, I see Keva really care about her health and she's always just trying to get right back on track with it. And it's interesting because I saw her at one point of her life, I mean, be so militant about getting that movement in and getting the, right nutrition and everything has to be clean.

[00:13:45] Kayva Jha: And now she genuinely cannot, like there is just some block she can't get there anymore. And one thing that was so interesting was this PT told her when she looked at a brain scan of her daughter with a specific eating disorder doctor, that you could literally see, the neuro pathways lacking and this person's ability to remind themselves to feed themselves.

[00:14:08] Kayva Jha: So it's like your body at every standpoint is, it's not just this person is being stubborn and not eating no. Like your body doesn't know how to, it does not function without it. She was telling my mom. You're, probably going to have to manage this with her for the rest of her life. it's just not natural to her.

[00:14:28] Kayva Jha: I mean, you can build back those pathways, but it's not natural. So having that conversation and then going into pain and how this can worsen over time if we don't get back on track with that. And then pain leads to immobility, right? And immobility can most often end up in a wound. Because when you're immobile, you're more likely to get pressure ulcers, have pressure on a certain area of skin for a long period of time.

[00:14:55] Kayva Jha: And so you can almost see a trajectory of somebody's life from that standpoint. And I almost wonder like how many of my patients may have had these kinds of feeding issues or, nutrition or blocks in themselves and their regime, from a very young age that led them to this point.

[00:15:13] Jami Shapiro: I would also say that we're not always aware of our bodies. Because I don't have an eating disorder, but I will tell you that if I am into something, I will forget to eat. In fact, I remember being pregnant with my first child, which you know, that was a priority for me. But if I was, working at that time I was a realtor and I remember showing houses to new home buyers, and I loved it.

[00:15:35] Jami Shapiro: I just would light me up. And I got home at the end of the day and realized that I hadn't eaten, like it didn't even occur to me that I hadn't eaten. And so I do think, and I know that we, and I, again, when I speak for A-D-H-D I am not the poster child. I'm speaking for my experience. Right. But we aren't always in our bodies.

[00:15:55] Jami Shapiro: I mean, that's why I think meditation is so important. They talk about, meditation and ADHD and meditation in general. And like I said, this, I think of ADHD education as universal design for the brain because people with ADHD lack executive functioning and some other, cognitive issues that are also part of the normal aging experience.

[00:16:17] Jami Shapiro: So just because I call it ADHD doesn't mean it's not gonna apply to anybody that is aging or under stress or under pain. 'cause like even for me. When I'm in pain, I don't function the same way. I don't function at the same level. But I'm not used to being in my body. So I also wonder with wound care, is it that we're just not used to recognizing when there's a problem because we're not paying attention to it.

[00:16:42] Jami Shapiro: even like I've had skin cancer and I don't even consistently know what was there before. it's like my brain goes so fast that I can't even just like slow down and look at my body. 

[00:16:55] Kayva Jha: Things are out of sight, out of mind for us. I mean, I can literally have my mom on the phone saying, you need to call this person.

[00:17:02] Kayva Jha: I want you to call 'em as soon as you get off the phone with me, and then call me back after you're done. And even still, I will get an email from work and out of my brain and five hours later I'm like, wait, I never made that call. so I can be doing five different tasks and it will take me the whole day just because i f I see something fly in right, my brain immediately goes there. 

[00:17:28] Jami Shapiro: So that's 

[00:17:28] Jami Shapiro: interesting because, I have heard people describe their mothers as their Ritalin, but not everybody has a mom that can do that for us, And so have you thought of what you're gonna put in place for when mom's not your Ritalin?

[00:17:43] Kayva Jha: Oh, man. one. Can you know, I would hope at that point I have worked at myself, in life for a long enough time that I have built a sort of structure that I can adhere to and that my brain in itself, is plastic and it changes over time. So that I am actually able to be my own support system, but I do know that I think it does take, and this is what I'm worried about my patients the most with, is when we get older in life, so many of them experience this loneliness.

[00:18:19] Kayva Jha: Lack of support, either it may be estrangement from family or whatever it may be, but they're alone and. That's the biggest concern is, and I see that in myself, like as somebody in my twenties in this field watching this, I almost feel like I'm watching a potential future timeline for myself. It's really interesting to constantly reflecting 

[00:18:44] Kayva Jha: on that.

[00:18:44] Jami Shapiro: I'm gonna put a pin in this. We're gonna take a pause. I have a dog that is crying right now, and I will come back and tell you what it is after I have dealt with it. So please just join us. Just stay with us. We're gonna pause, come right back.

Are you tired of feeling like you can't get it together? Struggling with clutter that overwhelms you despite your best efforts. Wondering why organization feels impossible while others make it look so easy. You are not alone and it's not your fault. Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro. Host of the grandma has ADHD podcast and I understand exactly what you're going through.

I combine my years of hands-on work as founder of Silver Linings Transitions, a move management and home organizing company, together with ADHD coach, training and help adults 50 and over connect the dots between ADHD and lifelong struggles. Whether you are downsizing, decluttering, or simply trying to create systems that work for your ADHD brain, I provide virtual and in-person coaching for those in the San Diego area.

Together we'll develop practical strategies that honor how your brain actually works, not how you think it should work, ready to trade. Shame for understanding. Visit Grandma has adhd.com. Or call to schedule a discovery session at 7 6 0 6 0 7 7 3 7 7 because it's never too late to finally make sense of your story.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com.

 

[00:21:34] Jami Shapiro: We are back with Kayva Jha. I had to rudely interrupt Kayva because my dog Benji was crying, and she asked what it was and I'm like, you know what, this is an ADHD community and everyone's always naturally curious.

[00:21:46] Jami Shapiro: So I have this dog, he gets bully sticks, and it seems like every time we give him this bully stick, he cries. And I think it's like getting caught in his mouth. It's like the weirdest thing. And so he was like crying so I could not, you know, with the squirrel, I could not focus on you and hear the dog crying.

[00:22:01] Jami Shapiro: Like we take it all in when we have ADHD unless we are in our hyper focus mode. But I did wanna go back to what we were talking about 'cause I think it's so important and so I think it was a social isolation piece of wound care. And you mentioned something about estrangement.

[00:22:18] Jami Shapiro: I'm so sorry, my cat is playing the piano laisha. 

[00:22:22] Jami Shapiro: And we are back again because Kayva's cat was playing the piano. So that's one of the things that I love about the majority of my guests having ADHD is, you know, we were really late getting on the call. I have to tell you, Kayva said she was gonna be five minutes late.

[00:22:35] Jami Shapiro: And I was like, no problem, because everything is taking me longer today, and I'm gonna be five minutes late. So I sit down, I send her the link, and then she goes, it's gonna be one minute, five minutes later. Like, 

[00:22:47] Kayva Jha: then also then I have to go to the bathroom. I have to do this. And yeah, actually there's something about if I have to get on time somewhere, I will start doing a million things before I get, 

[00:22:56] Jami Shapiro: I'll give you that one another time.

[00:22:57] Jami Shapiro: But that's a whole other issue. We, struggle with two things and we're gonna just hop over. We have time blindness, so we have a hard time judging the amount of time something will take. And then if you're like me, then what ends up happening is if I have a five minute window. I'm like, I'm not gonna sit still for five minutes.

[00:23:13] Jami Shapiro: Like, that's torture. I gotta fill that time up. And so then I will over schedule myself because I'm so optimistic that I can get a lot done. Plus, I think, honestly, I like that dopamine hit of how much can I get done in that five minutes? So I think, another part of it. But I do wanna take us back to the topic at hand.

[00:23:30] Jami Shapiro: and that was wounds andyou mentioned, something that happens when you don't have family members around or friends around and that is actually probably one of the reasons that people with ADHD may struggle more with wound care. And that is we tend to suffer from social anxiety pretty frequently.

[00:23:48] Jami Shapiro: And also rejection sensitivity. And even within my own family, I have a parent that I'm estranged from who, and I don't wanna get too much into that conversation, but he's made issues that aren't there and so, part of it is like self-induced like, I wish he would just own, what's going on.

[00:24:07] Jami Shapiro: Thankfully he is married and he's got you a wife that will hopefully be with him to care for him. But I mean, I feel guilty hosting this show, knowing that, we do have a lot of trouble with family relationships and I'm one of them. I understand it. And so, if you do have, and I see it a lot, working with seniors as well, where they have pushed everybody away from their family.

[00:24:30] Jami Shapiro: Sometimes it's their fault and sometimes it's not their fault at all. I mean, I have a friend whose daughter, I think she had probably the best childhood ever. from my perspective, and her daughter has sort of pushed away, so I'm not placing any blame just to say that there seems to be a pattern with ADHD and family struggles.

[00:24:51] Kayva Jha: It is so interesting. and this constantly comes up, but it's so interesting that the relationship dynamics of people with ADHD I even had my sister tell me once, like when I was struggling with working in more corporate settings and I was like, what am I doing wrong? I mean, I communicate, I get everything in on time.

[00:25:13] Kayva Jha: The only reason it might be a little late is because I was genuinely perfecting it and I could not let it go. Right. But those things, and she told me, it's actually interesting. I tend to see the people who are really good people, persons, I guess, and who interact really well.

[00:25:29] Kayva Jha: Struggle more in these roles. It's almost like because we invest so much importance into relationships, like we don't have that detachment of, okay, this is where I set a boundary and now I focus on myself that messaging has been in my life since I was a child and I still have not figured that out.

[00:25:52] Kayva Jha: I think that's huge. 

[00:25:54] Jami Shapiro: Right. Well, I think, that goes to, we tend to be people pleasers. And I know for me, and I've shared this in some role of my interviews, that I always had this great fear of not being liked. And so even as a young child, I would give my favorite toys away because I thought that they would then like me and wanna be my friend, and then I would seek relationships.

[00:26:14] Jami Shapiro: With men that maybe I needed to fix, partly because I, probably liked that drama and the challenge and partly because, well, if I'm taking care of them, then they're not going to leave. And I think that we do tend to have this over achiever. A lot of people with ADHD I think have imposter syndrome.

[00:26:30] Jami Shapiro: So it's funny, whenever I read a bio of someone with ADHD that's on my podcast, oftentimes it's like this bio that's like so long and I'm like, of course they have ADHD because they're constantly trying to achieve and prove their worth. And here we are totally sidestepping the whole conversation, but it's so valid.

[00:26:47] Kayva Jha: No, yeah, absolutely. 'cause I can obviously always respond to anything you say with another novel. But wherever you'd like to start back off. 

[00:26:56] Jami Shapiro: Is that because you don't remember where we were? 

[00:26:58] Kayva Jha: Yep. I think we were at, you know, the the stages of loneliness first.

[00:27:05] Kayva Jha: Yes. 

[00:27:05] Jami Shapiro: Okay. So yeah, so walk us through a client and your observations. 

[00:27:10] Kayva Jha: Absolutely. The very first one actually the very first patient referral I ever got she was a very captivating lady. When I went to visit her, I could immediately tell like the green flags and the red flags.

[00:27:26] Kayva Jha: And part of 'em being that, okay, this lady is extremely sweet. She, very talkative. it's interesting that she's so alone in her life. Yeah. it was like her arbitrage of caregivers who were her people in life. Andthat was one of the days that I spent like five to seven hours with her just calling her doctors, calling insurance, like trying to get one thing after another, taken care of for her because, she had so much on her plate.

[00:27:51] Kayva Jha: And that's when she gave me the idea that, this is something that a lot more people need, not just me. and she told me she wanted to work with me. And so I just told her, okay, let me write something up so that we have like some ground rules and so that you're always at liberty to discontinue or whatever, if anything.

[00:28:10] Kayva Jha: And within that night of me typing that up, she had somehow told me that she had like researched my company and there was some, through her office in DC and there was some issue. Which could not have really been possible 'cause we were very nascent. So in that sense, she had.

[00:28:29] Kayva Jha: Disconnected. And then when I found, when I started with the company I'm at now, she was just in my head. I mean, even though she had written me off and told me like not to contact her, I got back in touch with her nurse and just wanted to know how she was doing. And we actually ended up setting up an appointment.

[00:28:47] Kayva Jha: She was one of the first patients we had. And again, all smiles, bubbly, everything when we were there. And when I had left again, all of a sudden my phone starts blowing up a few hours later and there's some huge issue about, how she felt about the care she received. So I just said, okay, well I'll go back and smooth it over not learning my lesson from the last time.

[00:29:10] Kayva Jha: But when I had gone back it was the more threatening situation. So my work immediately had to discharge her and, protect me. And what I noticed, what's interesting is the caregiver who had kind of come at me, she did her research and found, that this lady might have been lying about literally everything.

[00:29:31] Kayva Jha: ' cause she had like multiple aliases online. So what I had originally thought when I met her was, I think there is like some ADHD potentially, you know, component of narcissism or borderline. I'm not sure, but those little immediate triggers, like we're so acutely sensitive to these things. However, we still cannot back ourselves away from somebody we feel like needs our help.

[00:29:56] Kayva Jha: And I think this is what actually in turn ends up putting our relationships at stake is we just do not know when to walk away. 

[00:30:07] Jami Shapiro: I agree. And we also have a very strong sense of justice. Exactly. Yeah. So I struggle with that too, wanting to make sure that everything is fair and we can't always make life fair.

[00:30:17] Jami Shapiro: And, that's actually something that I share with a lot of the clients that we are dealing with clutter and, rightsizing, downsizing, letting go of things. And it's because if this isn't going to go to the appropriate person, I don't wanna let go of it and put it into the landfill.

[00:30:30] Jami Shapiro: I think that sense of justice really permeates itself in so many areas of our life. So back to wound care, because I'm gonna keep reeling us back in 'cause that's the topic. So you meet with a client who has I mean I'm sure there's a lot of diabetic clients 'cause I know that they have a lot of issues.

[00:30:48] Jami Shapiro: But give me a typical scenario just so somebody can relate to it, like Absolutely. Yeah. 

[00:30:53] Kayva Jha: And you were talking about sorry, you were gonna elaborate. Go ahead. Just so I know that I'm on the right topic. 

[00:31:00] Jami Shapiro: Oh, just walking me through the cycle of how you guys would, be brought involved and then what you're noticing about, people who you believe are neurodivergent. 'cause remember, the majority of people 50 and over have not been diagnosed with ADHD, although it affects they say around 5% of the population, depending on male or female. And it says heritable as height. And we do not. And it does not go away. It just changes as we age.

[00:31:26] Jami Shapiro: So given all of that, I'm going to make the assumption that it's about 5% of the population. 

[00:31:31] Kayva Jha: Absolutely, and I think this is something that definitely feeds into issues like diabetes. Once again, I believe many people with ADHD because of the lack of dopamine struggle with disordered eating in a sense, whether that be, not necessarily restricting or something, but.

[00:31:49] Kayva Jha: Not being able to control your impulses to potentially binge on things that are unhealthy. And from there you can build into developing like an issue like diabetes. my dad is not diagnosed with ADHD, but I see the markers in him and he also now kind of self-identifies as it, because, he's done that research, but he has diabetes and one of the big things is he is the most disciplined man.

[00:32:16] Kayva Jha: I know it's very hard to. That he could even have that issue because he is incredibly disciplined and regimented. But he still has to go like that. One bag of potato chips is just always like, he will always be featured in his life and he can't knock it. And so when you're going into something like diabetes, Now is a new implication and they're calling this dementia type three almost. Where diabetics are now struggling with neuropathic issues, meaning that, they're not getting sensation in their extremities feet hands, which is why it's so common for diabetics to develop a diabetic foot ulcer or a limb or an extremity wound.

[00:33:00] Kayva Jha: Because if they knock themselves on something, they don't feel it, and then they don't feel it for a long time, and then all of a sudden when they look it's this gaping wound that's been there for a while and it has not healed. And I started noticing this in my dad. He had fallen over and he had gotten some little scratch here, and two weeks later I looked at it and it was not healing the right way.

[00:33:24] Kayva Jha: I mean, it healed, but it was not healing the way it normal human body would heal. So I was already noticing that slow. That slow healing trajectory, and when we are there, we have to take into consideration like, how did the patient get here? Because if we're not getting at the root cause of their behaviors, which then contribute to their physical health, then how are we even going to establish a recovery plan that is sustainable?

[00:33:54] Jami Shapiro: That's a great lead in to my next question, and that is, okay so we know that wound care is a problem. We're, gearing this towards the ADHD space. so, neurotypical has theirs. We, have ours. What would your suggestions be for somebody who we know struggles with. remembering to do things, doesn't like to do monotonous tasks.

[00:34:16] Jami Shapiro: What would your advice be to a person who either believes they have ADHD or has been diagnosed with ADHD or, or struggles with just, remembering like the out of sight, out of mind. How, do you recommend that they care for their wounds? 

[00:34:30] Kayva Jha: Right. Well. I'm gonna answer this with a personal story actually.

[00:34:36] Kayva Jha: Okay. And I, I hope this is a good closing into, 'cause it's part of the main point of what I really want people to take away who struggle with this. Going back to, I was talking about this PT, talking to my mom about my relationship with food and what she brought up was, it's going to take a village.

[00:34:55] Kayva Jha: You need to incorporate doctors who are specifically educated in eating disorders. Not every doctor knows which, what tests, these kinds of people require. And from there you need to have like a dietician and a whole plan. And I'm hearing all of this, and then she says, oh, and there's this amazing inpatient program at UCSD Health, You could look into this. I'm hearing all this and I'm freaking out. 'cause all of a sudden, all my independence is about to go away. And also what I thought, I don't have an eating disorder anymore. I removed that label from myself. I removed that story. I do not want that story again. And it was incredibly hard to sit through that and listen and have my mom say, okay, yeah, we're gonna start looking for these team of doctors, starting Monday.

[00:35:42] Kayva Jha: Okay. And I had to check myself. My brain immediately went, I don't want this. but I know that they're right. I know that they're right. And I know that this issue, like my pain and everything is not going to get better unless I do reteach myself healthy habits. And that's terrifying to me because I'm giving control to someone else.

[00:36:10] Kayva Jha: I am giving my mom permission to really manage my health and my life, and I think this is the biggest thing people with ADHD struggle with we have like a gene for rampant independence. Like We just have this fierce need to be independent, but where some of the people who really need to depend on people the most, not because you're incapable of anything or you are just not good at developing good habits, but again, it goes back to those, that murals structure and those pathways that you're not set up to care for yourself as you, none 

[00:36:46] Jami Shapiro: of us are.

[00:36:47] Jami Shapiro: I mean, we aren't made that way. I mean, there's a reason that, that they say that there was so much health deterioration during COVID we're not meant to be isolated creatures. one other thing I wanna talk about that you did mention in the last that stuck with me and again, ADHD, if it sticks with you, it had to be really impactful.

[00:37:02] Jami Shapiro: Exactly. And I never considered was that a lot of people will isolate from people because of their wounds, because there could be an odor, which I never knew. So what can be done about that? I mean, how do you Correct. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:37:19] Kayva Jha: So yes, is a biopsy, psychosocial issue is what we call it. It's heavily biological, there's probably psychological markers in there, and then there's a social aspect of the fact that the patient is most likely isolating.

[00:37:32] Kayva Jha: And then on top of that isolation, not getting the proper care. Getting a lack of human interaction, developing further depression, and therefore decreasing motivation and taking care of themselves. So what it comes down to is accept the help. It is so hard, and I mean, I feel you on this. I'm literally going through this right now as I speak, that I have to take a step back and accept help again.

[00:38:01] Kayva Jha: And I see a lot of patients who come in, they ask us for help, and then all of a sudden they change their mind because of one reason or another, and I can't force anything on them. All I can say is, we are here when you need us. Just have our number, just give us a call. But it breaks my heart because I know what's going on in their head.

[00:38:22] Kayva Jha: Either it's something about, maybe I can't afford to have this right now, even though their coverage is in there. or maybe this is just too much to introduce into my life while I have this and this going on. And you know what my mom always tells me is, if you don't have your health, you have nothing.

[00:38:41] Kayva Jha: You can't do the rest of the things that you wanna do. And so accepting the help. Knowing that you need support despite how ugly that feels inside of you. try to almost be the bigger person for yourself and take the help, like let people show up for you. Let your care team, let your healthcare practitioner show up for you and be honest about what you're going through.

[00:39:09] Kayva Jha: The fact that it might be really hard for you to stick to a care regime and tell them, it's not that I'm not trying to comply. I genuinely struggle with remembering. So I would love if you can support me in helping me remember to take care of myself as much of a hard aspect may seem to be that's why they're there.

[00:39:29] Jami Shapiro: That's great. That actually leads me to a great way to close this. And I remember I was listening to a podcast, it's one of my favorite things to do, and he asked the audience, how many of you like to help people? And you can imagine like everybody's hand goes up, right? And then he says, okay, how many of you like to accept help?

[00:39:46] Jami Shapiro: And, you know, maybe 10%, because to your point, none of us, we wanna help people. And he said one of the best things that you can do for another person is to give them the gift of letting them help you. And so I think that's just a good way to tie that in and for people who are isolated from your family.

[00:40:04] Jami Shapiro: ' cause I know that happens and I don't wanna pretend that it doesn't. You, need to find friends. 'cause I promise you that there are other people in the world who are feeling like you do, who are struggling socially. And I think if you put yourself out there, you're always going to find somebody with this on an online group.

[00:40:20] Jami Shapiro: Like by the way, grandma has ADHD is a community that I am trying to grow. For like-minded people who just get us, just like Kayva and I were talking about how we came into this podcast, we just get each other. And when you find people who get you, I jokingly say, you get to let your freak flag fly.

[00:40:37] Jami Shapiro: And there's nothing better than just being able to be yourself. So, I'm so glad I had you back, Kayva. again, I'm gonna share the first episode that we did so we can talk more about Perfectionism and ADHD. I so appreciate your vulnerability because what we do, when we create a space for vulnerability where I get to be me and you get to be you, is that everybody else gets to go into the world and be themselves.

[00:40:58] Jami Shapiro: And when we all take the mask off, we're all struggling in some way. There is nobody that's got it all together. I mean, neurotypical or typical. We, don't. So I so appreciate your passion and your taking the time. And again, if you enjoyed this podcast. Or, someone that would benefit from it.

[00:41:15] Jami Shapiro: Please like it and subscribe to it. Give us that rating. It's, helping other people find us. Join the community. it's growing. It's not growing as quickly as I would like, but it is growing. And tune into the next episode. Thank you so much, Kayva. Oh, and please. 

[00:41:32] Kayva Jha: Yes, Jami. I know last time I didn't really have a contact system set up for anybody who might wanna reach out, regardless of where you are in the country.

[00:41:41] Kayva Jha: I am here to help to talk telehealth, chat, whatever kind of support you need, even if it's just relating to someone. You can email me at Kayva. That's K-A-Y-V as in Victor, A dot, S as in Sam, W as in win, C as in cat@gmail.com. And feel free to reach out with any questions. At any point with any stage you're at, 

[00:42:11] Jami Shapiro: I appreciate.

[00:42:11] Jami Shapiro: So that will help anybody who has a wound, you can direct them to where they need to go. Absolutely, 

[00:42:16] Kayva Jha: whether it be a wound or it be a completely different health related issue. I'm here for anybody who's just dealing with navigating their own personal health. So, absolutely. 

[00:42:26] Jami Shapiro: Yeah. And I took a note of that by the way.

[00:42:28] Jami Shapiro: I meant to say that like five to seven hours making phone calls for somebody with ADHD. That's daunting. That's huge. So make sure that you are taking care of yourself while you're taking care of other people. Well thank you all so much for listening. As I like to end try to make the rest of your life the best of your life and it is never too late to know yourself better or do anything that you can to grow.

[00:42:51] Jami Shapiro: Thanks so much for tuning in.

 

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