Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 59 - Crisis Doesn't Make an Appointment: A Conversation with a Care Navigator on Why We Need to Pay Attention to "Not Now"

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 59

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What happens when ADHD meets the complex world of healthcare planning?

In this thought-provoking episode of Grandma Has ADHD, host Jami Shapiro sits down with Brett Frankenberg, founder of Apex Health Advocates, who brings over 30 years of experience as a clinician, executive, and healthcare advocate. Together, they unpack why proactive planning is so challenging for ADHD brains—and why “crisis doesn’t make an appointment.”

From his son’s 18-month insurance battle to helping families navigate care decisions, Brett’s story highlights the emotional and practical chaos that can come when we avoid conversations about aging, health, and the future. Jami and Brett also explore how ADHD’s “now vs. not now” mindset plays a huge role in procrastination, overwhelm, and planning paralysis—and how to get unstuck with compassion, humor, and structure.

Whether you’re a caregiver, an adult child of aging parents, or someone with ADHD struggling to “adult” through healthcare paperwork, this episode is your reminder that planning ahead isn’t just responsible—it’s an act of love.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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[00:00:00] Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your [00:01:00] people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

Jami Shapiro: Hello and welcome to the latest edition of Grandma Has ADHD. We are joined today by my guest Brent Frankenberg and he is the founder of Apex Health Advocates, who brings over 30 years of healthcare experience as a provider, executive, and passionate advocate. Brett's mission became clear through three life-changing moments.

Fighting an 18 month battle to overturn a $37,000 insurance denial when his son [00:02:00] needed personal specialized surgery after a snowboarding injury, rescuing his father from unnecessary long-term care after medication errors, left him a. Cognitively impaired following routine back surgery and whew, guiding a close friend's family through every step of recovery after an out-of-state accident.

These experiences taught Brett what many of us learned the hard way. Even the best healthcare systems can fall short. Families often feel overwhelmed and unsure how to protect their loved ones. That is why he founded Apex Health Advocates to bring professional, compassionate guidance to families navigating complex care decisions because as Brett says, no one should have to go through.

Threw it alone and you know what happened? No one should have to go through it alone. We're gonna keep it because that's how we roll when we have ADHD. Dig 

Brett Frankenberg: it. 

Jami Shapiro: And he says, yeah, go through it alone. I got it. And I have to say, I set my phone to do not disturb, but then my computer didn't cooperate and so [00:03:00] it like caught me right in the middle.

But I also wanna share if I can Brett, one of the reasons that I wanted, for many reasons, first of all. Brett has not been diagnosed with ADHD, so I'm gonna put that disclaimer out there. But I believe your child and father have it. 

Brett Frankenberg: That's correct. And 

Jami Shapiro: based on your bio, and I'll tell you why. And your failure to follow through with my, my request for information.

When, when you coach, when you interview people with ADHD, it is like herding cats. So it's the norm. It is the norm. So he felt horrible. I'm like, oh, please. I'm so used to it. So just here's a tip. This is what I did. I took, I went to his website, which is Apex, what is it? Brett, 

Brett Frankenberg: apex health advocates.com.

Jami Shapiro: Apex health advocates.com. So I went to his about us site, I stuck it into Claude and I said, friend Claude, can you help me come up with a bio for my guest, Brett? And first you were her, but then [00:04:00] I said, no, Claude Brett's a man. And he just flipped it out for me. And, and here we are. So. Another distraction.

My my family just walked in in the middle of a podcast. You're not supposed to be here, so if you guys hear background noise I apologize in advance, but so welcome. That was a very long-winded introduction, but I also wanna give you two other shout outs. People with ADHD tend to have a very strong sense of social justice.

They believe in doing what is fair and right, and the fact that you are doing advocacy work is just a perfect example. And then. We we have pretty long bios. We like to, to to take on a lot, so Wew, welcome. Hi. 

Brett Frankenberg: Hi. Two boxes checked right there for sure. Yeah, my bios are always long-winded and you're right about the social, social justice aspect.

But thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. And you you did a really good job of doing my job for me, which is talking about me. So, but I, I do want to give my friend Jami a shout out back because I, she and I had a discussion a couple weeks [00:05:00] ago and she said, crisis never makes an appointment.

And that I've been using that quite a bit. Mm-hmm. So if you want to add that to my long-winded bio, we can back it up and start all over. 

Jami Shapiro: Well, let's, let's go back. Yeah. No, no, no. Let's go back though, because I do want you to explain a little bit about what it is you do. Sure. Yes. And then I wanna get into a, what is why, why I wanted to have you on and, and why you believe you might have ADHD.

Because remember, I am not a doctor and I do not diagnose ADHD. I just see it strongly 

Brett Frankenberg: understood. Understood. Yeah, so so you're right. So I've been a licensed clinician, a physical therapist for 32 years spent the last 16 years as a healthcare executive. And you know, the stories that you told at the beginning are all true and, you know, very personal friends, family, but really been doing this type of work as an executive for years.

So my. My last couple positions in, in we're in the home health space. I was the VP of operations for one organization and the the COO Brett, 

Jami Shapiro: I'm, I'm sorry, I have to pause you because someone's in the kitchen making noise and I don't, so hold on. I'm gonna. Put it on pause. Sure. So, you know, I, I keep things [00:06:00] very real because as I like to share with the audience when I am very real and, and perfect is definitely the enemy of done, then it gives space for our guests to realize that they don't have to walk through life perfectly either.

And so to, to be honest with you, I got, and I'm sure you can relate, I got. So distracted with the noise, and I'm like, then my brain starts to spin. Can everybody hear it? You know? And, and then so I, I dropped it. So I know that you said that you had 32 years of experience working as a, as a physical therapist and then I lost it.

Brett Frankenberg: I could take it from there. Yeah. So, so 32 years as a licensed physical therapist and, you know, I got into physical therapy because. I, I wanted to serve people. You know, I've always, growing up, I was a high school athlete that would never get beyond high school athletics and I always liked science and the body and working with people and so it was a natural fit for me.

And I, you know, many years was a, was a clinical physical therapist and then I started to really kind of fall in love with the business side of healthcare and then went back and got a Master's in healthcare administration about 13 years ago [00:07:00] and started to kind of really. Kind of climb the corporate ladder, if you will.

And mostly I, I did that because I felt like, you know, one-on-one as a PTI can help somebody, but if I help build systems and, and processes that were really well honed and, and really focused on patient-centered care, that I can help lots of people at once. And I feel like I did that, I accomplished that in a lot of levels, but I also got exposed to a lot of situations and particularly dealing with, the adult children of seniors where you know, everybody was so unprepared for these crises that would happen, whether, you know, that was a stroke or someone would fall and break a hip or they'd be diagnosed with some, you know you know, grave illness and they just didn't know where to turn. And so often they didn't have their legal instrumentation and financial instrumentation in place.

And you know, and I think Jami, I shared it with you when we talked and that is that. I've literally been in a, a hospital room or a skilled nursing room where brother and sister were fighting over the bed of their mom as to what mom would want. And I think that was always [00:08:00] really tragic to me. Mm-hmm.

And the way around, the way to avoid that is to plan is to have, mm-hmm. You know, these instruments that exist. Advanced directives, you know, durable power of attorney for healthcare, living trust, living wills. You know, there's a bunch of different. Instruments out there. But I always found it really heartbreaking to be in those situations 'cause it literally tears family.

Apart. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh, I, I know I was gonna share with you that I had a, a, one of my best friends from middle school, her father had a stroke and she and her sister in their twenties had to make, you know, life decisions that had not been made, including pulling the plug. And, and I don't think that children should, you know, have to make those decisions.

But in our society. We feel like if we bury our heads in the sand or if we don't see it, it isn't there. And we are, you know, doing a disservice to, to ourselves, to our family. You know, and so that was, but I also wanted to have you, because people with DH adhd, we have this now and not now orientation, so we're even less likely to plan.

So that was what, yeah, you took the words outta my 

Brett Frankenberg: mouth. Yeah, I was gonna say that too. [00:09:00] I mean, probably. You know, I talk to so many people and I get referred to a lot of people and it's very common for people to say, you know, that sounds great, but I don't really need that now. And I think a lot of times, you know, there is, there is inertia.

Just natural inertia. People think, you know, I'm young, I'm healthy. I don't need that. Personally, I can tell you that my wife and I did our living trust when we were 35. You know, and, and I did that because of what I saw. Sure. And, but, but I, but I agree with you. I think, you know, if you're, if you're not staying in the conversation long enough to really understand what the outcomes could potentially be and how destructive it is emotionally, you know, it really, it's, it, it, a, a, a diagnosis, an injury you know, a major medical decision can be really traumatic on its own.

But then if you add in all the acrimony of disagreement and not really knowing what that person would want, if they could [00:10:00] speak for themselves, mm-hmm. You know, is, is it is tragic and heartbreaking. And so, and, and I think there is, there is a component of the, you know, it's not affecting me now. I don't need to deal with it.

And I think someone with ADHD probably, you know, kind of. Exacerbates that it's almost like a force multiplier for inaction in that regard, and it's, it's hard. Absolutely. Yeah, it's hard 

Jami Shapiro: combined with a society that, you know, talks about anti-aging. Like, okay, let's, let's not go there and let's do everything we can to avoid it.

Right. When, you know, I am a cancer survivor, diagnosed at 34, and you know, when you've gone through that at a young age you're like, well, I hope I do get to be older, you know, one day. 

Brett Frankenberg: So Well, and you know, it's funny, not, not, I don't mean to be political on a new level, but, but, but given what's going on with the government shutdown, you know, there's a lot of rhetoric around people under 50 don't need healthcare services.

And that's just not true. And, and I think that that does all of us a disservice. I think, you know, the way I look at it is every person that you would talk to that that really has a [00:11:00] good sort of idea for planning, would say, well, of course I plan for retirement. You know, I have a, I contribute to a 401k or an ira, or I have some sort of mechanism, an annuity, or some type of financial plan.

Everybody gets it on the financial piece because the vision of trying to live without money in your, you know, seventies, eighties, and nineties is pretty bleak. But people don't think about it. I'm gonna correct 

Jami Shapiro: you when you say everybody, because I think that's actually another challenge of people with ADHD.

A lot of times their budgeting is now and not now. And so a lot of times I see it in my line of work as a senior move manager, where people do not have the money that they, that they need to, to live the way that they want to live because they didn't accu, you know, adequately prepare. So, I, I hate to use the term everybody.

Especially with this audience, but never everybody. 

Brett Frankenberg: I I accept that edit. You're right, you're right. Most people, most people would, would understand that there's a need to plan for retirement financially, but the, the need on the healthcare planning, long-term planning, [00:12:00] they don't have that same sense of urgency because it's often not tangible.

It's not something you can see and touch and feel. Mm-hmm. It's not a, it's not a statement that you get every month from your. From your retirement account. Right? Right. So, you know, it's not, it's not that, that piece of paper that everybody can feel and, and so outta sight, outta mind and again, you know, being around ADHD the way I have, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the group you know, mean 

Jami Shapiro: you're a member of the tribe.

I'm 

Brett Frankenberg: pretty sure. Yeah, I am pretty sure I, and I, I do 

Jami Shapiro: want to 'cause I, with our audience, we're super creative and fun and funny and this is just, we're gonna go back but I think we need to pause. Let's do it. We need to pause and we need to course correct to get some excitement going. Also 'cause you're gonna want some really good reels that we can put on social media.

Sure. And then we'll go back and we'll give advice. So we're gonna pause. Okay. And then I'm going to be you're going to listen to, actually, I'm gonna do a little bit of the commercial now going into it, but, so this is the very first podcast that I, no, it's. It's the first part. No, it's the second one that I've recorded with the book in my hand.

Nice. This explain, yeah. This explains so much [00:13:00] understanding undiagnosed ADHD, because I am not a doctor and I cannot diagnose it, but if you order your copy on Amazon or you happen to see me somewhere. Then you can join us on our virtual book club with my mom, Vicki, who is the original grandma on November 23rd.

So anyway, you can go ahead and go to Amazon or you can find out more information on my new website, which is how you can get in touch with me for coaching at Jami J-A-M-I, Shapiro, S-H-A-P-I as in P as in Paul, I-R-O.me for me. Believe it or not, Brett, I could not get Jami shapiro.com. Is that crazy? So, okay.

So we're gonna pause and we're gonna listen to what, what I've got to say in my commercial and then we're gonna come back and Brett and I are gonna have a little more fun in our conversations.

 

Hey there. Grandma has [00:14:00] ADHD listeners. I'm your host, Jami Shapiro. And do I have some exciting news? My book, this explains so much understanding. Undiagnosed, ADHD is now available on Amazon. My mom, Vicki and I wrote this together. She's the original grandma who inspired this whole journey. I'm calling this the Perfect is the Enemy of Done version.

If I waited until it was perfect, you'd never be holding it in your hands. This book is for us, those of us who spent our whole lives feeling like we were too much or never quite enough. Inside, you'll find why. You've always felt different. ADHD traits, you didn't even know were ADHD traits. How to declutter without the shame spiral, and so much more about thriving with ADHD after 50.

Here is the exciting part. Everyone who purchases the book gets free access [00:15:00] to a virtual book club that my mom and I are hosting. So mark your calendars for Sunday, October 26th at 3:30 PM Pacific, 6:30 PM Eastern. We are going to share stories, laugh about our ADHD moments and create that safe space.

Where you can finally take off that girdle when you read the book, you'll know what I mean? And just be yourself. Here's what to do. Head to Amazon's search. This explains so much. Jami Shapiro. Grab your copy, paperback or ebook and visit grandma has adhd.com to take the ADHD quiz and get your book club registration link.

Understanding your ADHD isn't adding to your plate. It's finally understanding why your plate has always felt so full. I cannot wait to see you at the book club and hear your stories, and if the book resonates, please leave an Amazon review as well as for this podcast to help other women find their light bulb moments.

Thank you for being part of this [00:16:00] community. This book exists because of all of you.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 [00:17:00] 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

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Brett Frankenberg: Sure. Okay. 

Jami Shapiro: We are back with Brett Frankenberg and I wanna say this, I don't think we should be avoiding these conversations.

I just, I, and so we are going to go back to it because that's part of the reason that I wanted to have you here is that we are avoiding those conversations, but I also know that a lot of our listeners or viewers are tuning in because they like to laugh and they like to hear themselves and other people's stories.

So we're going to do a little of that. For our listeners, and then we'll go back and, and give them kind of like the, the hamburger in reverse. Have you ever heard of the, the the sandwich compliment or the sandwich? Have you ever heard of this expression before? So when you have, okay, so when you have some, when you, something critical to give someone, and this is really good for someone with ADHD, it's called a sandwich.

And you start with something light and [00:18:00] easy. Like, Hey Brett, you were so funny when I heard you at the the, the se serving seniors networking breakfast. And I, I, I thought you were really engaging and I thought you were okay. And then I, then the meat, and then, but you know what? You kind of smelled and I think that, I think you need to do something about your body odor.

I see Brett laughing and then you finish with something great. And I think if you get deodorant, you can take care of that really significant smell and then everybody will wanna be around you again. So it's like, you know, it's delivering like what you really need to say in the middle of two compliments.

Brett Frankenberg: I, I hope you were kidding on that. 

Jami Shapiro: Of course I was. Of course I was. I couldn't, but that was my, that was my brain, just, you know, really. 

Brett Frankenberg: Got it. No worries. No, I think, think it's great. I, I, you know, I know when we talked, I mean, I it's really interesting. So, you know, I shared with you that, you know, my youngest son has ADHD and he was you know, he was a handful right from the get go, and my wife had recognized it.

Okay. And I think I shared with you so, you know, she, when she was seeking treatment, which ultimately was in the form of pharmaceuticals you know, she gave me a book to read. Mm-hmm. And I read the book, I saw a lot of myself in [00:19:00] the book. Mm-hmm. And they talk about the genetic component in the book.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And my, my dad was diagnosed well after I had read that book. So talk about a. A meat of the sandwich. That was definitely me. And so but I think the thing, you know, and I think this was really very profound for me, and so it's something I wanted to share with you in the audience, which is I didn't really get my wife's perspective and I don't know that if that's because I, I too have ADHD or maybe I just didn't wanna see it.

But in that book, there was a drawing, a hand drawing. Of a little boy in a rowboat and he had a fishing pole and he had a fish on the line, end of the line. And his expression, of course, was this big, you know, grin. And he was all excited and, and it said, you know, this is what the person with ADHD's. And then you flip the page and it was the same drawing except it was pulled back and the, the boat was about to go over a waterfall and it said, this is what everybody else sees.

And even though my son at [00:20:00] the time was four, he's now 18 my wife turned to me and said, at some point, you know, he's gonna get behind the wheel of a car and is he gonna see the stop sign? Mm-hmm. And that was one of the most profound moments for me where I said, okay. I, I understand. I understand.

And I think the funny part about it is after I read the book, I sat down with my wife and I said. I think I have it too. And she looked at me and she said, I thought the same thing about me. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh. So she, but I don't think she does. I don't think she 

Brett Frankenberg: does. Yeah, I don't think so. Okay. Well, 

Jami Shapiro: I have two parents with it and it looks incredibly different on both of them.

My father was the stereotypical, kind of like your son, hyperactive. I have a half brother by the way, who was diagnosed in the eighties and had to be put on Ritalin. And so when my ex-husband came to me and said, you have ADHD, I was like, no, I don't, because that's. You know, that's my hyperactive brother.

Sure. I can sit still and I had good grades and, [00:21:00] you know, all of the things that we think that it's the opposite. And, and it wasn't until I realized that my mom who could sit and read books for hours and was very like, just sedentary. 'cause I'm, I am. I am combined type, so I'm hyperactive like my dad and I'm inattentive like my mom.

That I was like, wow, it looks so different. Like when, when I ultimately was diagnosed with my child, I'm like, oh, I got it from my dad. 'cause it was so clear. Right? And then, but again, I didn't start this whole ADHD world or the grandma has ADHD podcast until I. Recognized that my mom, which was just very, very different than how it presented in my father and my brother.

So that was a little sidestep. Okay. So tell me a little bit about Little Brett then if you, if you're now coming to, Hmm. Maybe that was me all along. 

Brett Frankenberg: Yeah. You know it's funny, I, so I, I, growing up, I, I had a lot of vision problems actually. So I had something called amblyopia, which was, 

Jami Shapiro: I know it's 

Brett Frankenberg: yeah, it's a, it's a spasticity of the suspension ligaments in my iris.

And I mentioned earlier I was always athletic, [00:22:00] and so from a very early age, I think I was about two and a half or so, and my dad took me outside just to, you know, toss a ball with me. And he tossed the ball at my chest and I kind of went to get it all the way over here. And he looked and he did it again, and I did the same thing.

And he kind of really quickly realized that, you know, there was something wrong with my vision. And so from the time I was about two and a half to about four, my right eye was patched and it actually forced my brain to pay attention to the input from my left optic nerve. And that preserved. My vision or, or really the, the brain's ability to, to see the input from the left eye.

In fact, my ophthalmologist told me that for years I should thank my dad, otherwise I would've not been able to see out of my left eye. Wow. So that did have a profound impact on me as a very young child. I do think I was looking back, I was probably very hyperactive and [00:23:00] I was. Probably seeking ways to, in my mind anyway, to divert attention from the fact that I was wearing a patch over my eye when I was, Hmm.

And I also had big, thick glasses and that, you know, that wasn't cool. Right. And so, you know, for that reason, I think it made me strive a little bit harder to be seen as something other than just that and. You know, and, and but I, I think I, you know, to your point I did have the ability to focus on the things that I really found interesting and compelling.

Mm-hmm. The things I didn't, I really couldn't focus on those things. And I think I was, you know, a good student. I wasn't a great student. Mostly because I think I was smart enough to. Retain things and get by. And I was a good test taker, but I didn't have what I would call really good academic habits until, you know, I probably got into, into college.

You know, and so I, I couldn't, [00:24:00] for example, great. A perfect example. There's a guitar behind me here. And I can play it somewhat. I am not really meant to be a producer of music. I'm meant to be a consumer of one, but. When I was little, you know, my, my mom played piano and I just couldn't focus on it.

I didn't really, it didn't, it reading music and learning scales and all of that just didn't excite me on any level and I just couldn't bring myself to practice. And so you know, I gave up on it and my parents gave up on it because we, you know, just, there wasn't a lot. There wasn't a lot there. For, for, mm-hmm.

There was a lot of frustration for everybody, I think, and some, some, some wasted money. Mm-hmm. But I have a lot of those, 

Jami Shapiro: a lot of those ho hobbies that I picked up and then put down, and, and that's actually very, very common in the clients that I see now is all of the unfinished projects and the craft supplies and the exercise equipment and the books and the, all of the things I, that's to use an expression that everybody's using these days.

The things, all the things. 

Brett Frankenberg: Yeah. Well, you know, and I was always again, always relatively active and athletic. [00:25:00] And ironically, the exercise equipment is the thing that I use with regularity. I know people always joke around about, you know, their treadmill becomes a place to hang their clothes or whatever.

You know, but I have an elliptical that I use, you know, all the time. I have, you know, we have we, we built during COVID in the garage. You know, we, we built a little gym out there and I, I could be honest with you and tell you I don't. Particularly love doing it, but I love the way I feel afterwards and I think the older we get, I've also, you know, given my background, I understand the, you know, the need to stay active and and, and I will say what I, what I am inspired by is I have a lot of friends that are older that are still you know, skiing aggressively and, you know, doing a lot of very you know, playing pickleball, playing golf, playing softball.

And, you know, I want to do that as long as I can. I mean, I'd like to do it for another 25 years if I can. Nice. Great. You. And so, yeah, so it's, and I, I also surf you know, and so I, I, I recognize there's gonna be a time in my life I probably won't be able to do that, but I'm hoping it's 25 [00:26:00] years from now.

But those things still, they will hold my attention and my interest because I think especially the outdoor activities. More than anything else or very spiritual for me. I get a lot of energy from being out in nature and I never, I never find myself bored in being outdoors in nature. 

Jami Shapiro: I totally, I totally agree with you.

I, today even I get up now a lot of times I like to go to the gym in the morning so that I know that I've done it. But some days, like I was gone all last week at a conference and my most productive time for work is in the morning. And so I'm like, I need to just. Get in front of my computer. So I took a midday hike and I Nice went.

That's why my hair's a little wet 'cause I had to shower. But yeah, it, I realized when I'm stressed out, I need to get that, you know, my adrenaline going, I need that exercise and, and being outside. You're absolutely right. And, and I wanna reiterate that for our listeners too. 'cause that's something that I talk about it moving our bodies, and we don't have to call it exercise mitigates.

A-D-H-D [00:27:00] symptoms, you know, and mental health challenges and it helps with aging. So there's just absolutely every reason in the world to, to be moving your body. 

Brett Frankenberg: And aren't you a part of the group that that does the networking hikes in Torrey Pines? 

Jami Shapiro: That. Yes. I started a, I call it net walking. Mm-hmm. Net walking.

Brett Frankenberg: That's right. 

Jami Shapiro: Net walking because it's, you know, two birds, one stone. I, I actually, you know, if I'm just sharing with you, I cannot, like, the event that you and I met at was that we, so Brett and I are both in the San Diego area and we're both serving the senior community in San Diego and, and adult children.

And I don't go to those events anymore because I realized that. I'm really, really uncomfortable, and although I am extroverted, I am an introverted extrovert and when I have to do small talk and turn it on, it's so draining. So I would rather have significant conversation and significant, I'd rather do something with my time that feels right for me, that doesn't deplete my energy.

And so I decided like two birds, one stone. [00:28:00] This way I get to exercise and if I get to meet people for business, you know. That's a double, a double bonus, so you won't see very often. Yeah, no, I think 

Brett Frankenberg: it's great. I mean, I think it's great. I think you know, there's more I've, I've heard of other you know, maybe not as publicized or formal, but I, I know there's a bunch of people that paddle out at a certain break and they call it a board meeting.

Right. They're all on their surfboards. I love, and they call it a board meeting. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's important. I think it's important to. You know, I also think, you know, quite frankly when your, when your heart rate is up and you're breathing a little harder and you're having conversations with people I think you're a little bit more real.

And I think you're a little bit more in touch with kind of who you are. And I think it's easier to connect with people because you're, it's a shared experience. Anytime you have a shared experience, I think it's always, you know, really, really positive. You know, I think back to, again, I'm gonna go to back to my son who's got A-D-H-D, he's a freshman at San Jose State.

And you know, and he did not pledge a paternity this this first semester, but he's thinking about doing it [00:29:00] in the second semester and what I told him is, you know that the people that you pledge with, right? That's a shared experience. That's something that, you know, 20 years from now, no matter what you guys go through, you went through that together and you'll always have that.

And I think that really does translate to the business world, and I think you make a really good point about. Mental health and exercise. And that's not just for ADHD, but for anybody really. Absolutely. Absolutely. Mm-hmm. And I also 

Jami Shapiro: want, I wanna say, just to piggyback on that too, that, you know, that connection with people is essential to our mental health as well.

And that's why so many people struggle during COVID But especially people with ADHD, that acceptance among people who get you it does help to. I'm, I can't find the word. You know, that's another thing that happens with ADHD. I'll describe the feeling, which is just to feel like I get to be myself with these people, and sure, I get to make sense of my life and I, you know, I don't have to [00:30:00] be beating myself up or feeling shameful for the things that I didn't do or the, you know, the.

The things that I'm looking back on with, with regret. And then when you just find other people and you can laugh about it, like even this, you know, at the beginning of our podcast when I'm like, yeah, you didn't, you didn't send me the bio and I had to redo it. I didn't. No, you didn't. And I'm like, I didn't, you know, but did, but did you feel judged?

Brett Frankenberg: No. I, I mean, I, you know, no. I don't feel judged at all. Lemme ask you a question. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. If there was somebody who like had their shit together, right? And they, they're very polished and, and then you didn't do it, would you be embarrassed? 

Brett Frankenberg: No. So long as they, you know, it doesn't put them in a bad situation.

I mean, I don't, you know, I try to live up to my obligations, right? And, and I try to do the things I say I'm going to do. So if it that puts somebody in a bad situation, then, you know, I would feel bad about that. But, you know, coming from where I came from, you know, I worked in corporate America for the last, you know, 16, 17 years of my career.

And you know, the, the amount of people that say they're going to do something and don't is kind of staggering. And quite frankly, [00:31:00] that's one of the reasons I wanted to get away from that is, you know, people can say all kinds of things, but it's not what you say, what that, that matters. It's what you do.

And so when you brought that up, the first thing I said was, well, I can send it to you afterwards. You said, no, I got it. I went to your website. So I, you know, I guess the, you can't turn back the clock, but you can offer to make it right. And I think that's, yeah, for sure. 

Jami Shapiro: I, you know, I always like that too.

I, I, I don't think it's that you make mistakes. I think it's how you handle mistakes. Mm-hmm. And, you know, anyway, so I do wanna circle back to, you know, sure. What can our, what do our listeners need to know? What, what, what words do you want to impart with them before we end this conversation today? 

Brett Frankenberg: Yeah, thanks Jami.

So, you know, I think for me, again, I, I left my, my previous life because I wanted to serve and help people. So people come to me typically in two different ways. One is. They're coming to me in crisis as we've talked about. You know, and my goal there is really to guide and, and navigate that family and that patient through the healthcare system, which we know to be very complex.

Mm-hmm. The goal in doing that is to make sure [00:32:00] that they understand the situation, they understand the choices that they're faced with and that they're going to make, that their voice is being heard, that we translate all the jargon, and that when they go to make a decision, they can make that decision with confidence.

And so what I try to do is I try to save families the time, the stress, and the money, quite frankly, in making those decisions, and then ultimately give them peace of mind in that decision making. The second. I love that. Thank you. Yeah. The second group of clients, if you will or bucket are the people that come to me for long term planning.

I'll give you a really quick example of working with a. Adult child of two seniors now the dad has pretty advanced Parkinson's and mom has been the caregiver for 15 years and is really burnt out. You know, they need planning. They need planning, and they need triggers to realize, hey, at this point you really do need help.

So what I do with them [00:33:00] is I build in. A long term plan with certain triggers and we get their input so that when those triggers are tripped, we've already determined what's gonna happen next. We can have a emotion about it. We can grieve the loss of independence, we can feel bad about it, but ultimately this is for their safety and their quality of life.

And, you know, so it's really interesting that most people really don't think about things in that way, but people, especially people with chronic progressive disease. Something like a Parkinson's or even a dementia, really, really important that they have a plan. And that takes a lot of stress off the family and it allows everybody to kind of focus on the quality of that person's life.

Jami Shapiro: That's that's great. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. And then it has so important. So are you only serving people in San Diego or California, or are you outside of that? 

Brett Frankenberg: Oh, great question. No, I'm actually nationwide because of technology like this. Yeah. You know I've had I've had patients in Pennsylvania, [00:34:00] Chicago.

The fact the couple I just spoke about with the Parkinson's is in Massachusetts. And I'm able to do, you know, things virtually. I am truly concierge and white glove. In other words, if they want me bedside in Massachusetts, I'll be there. I don't think it's necessary and it's extremely expensive to do that.

With travel and all of that. And so I really encourage them to not spend the money on that. We have a lot of different tools, including an online portal that that facilitates communication, facilitates plan building. It also houses all of their medical records in real time, which is tremendous. And also connects all their physicians as well as all their other service providers like an attorney.

Or a fiduciary or an estate planner, or even just a family friend that wants to be, wants to be involved. Right. We can include all those people. And we also, I wanna include, yeah, I, I'm sorry. We also, yeah, we also include all the advanced directives too, so that's really important. 

Jami Shapiro: Well, I wanna put a plugin for that plan that you include a senior move manager.

In part of that we can either do. So I am part of a national association called the [00:35:00] National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers. And we have a strict code of ethics, insurance requirements continuing education. We can be found all across the US and in other countries as well. And so I just wanna encourage you to know that that is.

A service that can be provided and can be included. And of course, you know, we are here locally, Silver Linings Transitions, but, but we are, you know, we as part of NASMM are available in other cities. And I, you know, I always wanna put a plug in for our listeners too, that, that this is an industry that exists.

But I also think for you to know when your clients are making those decisions, you know, what do they do with the house? How do they divide their belongings? Do they need to downsize and declutter? You know, all of that. So just, it was such a natural. Area to add. Yeah, 

Brett Frankenberg: I, I think it's great. I mean, I, you know, I think what's, you know, and you know this better than most, and that is that, you know, people don't understand all of what goes into something like that until they're knee deep in it, or neck deep in some cases.

Right. And, and there's, it's overwhelming. It's overwhelming. And I think what, what [00:36:00] ends up happening in my experience is that people. Unfortunately end up focusing on the wrong thing. You know that mm-hmm. Set of sterling silver, you know, utensils and all that isn't really that important at the end of the day.

Right. I mean, I know it might be important on mm-hmm. You know, to somebody's emotional wellbeing, but really you know, putting a lot of energy into squabbling over that is not where that energy needs to go. 'cause there's a million other things that we need to do. And you know, and to, again, going back to ADHD, I mean, it's easy to fixate and focus on the material object, but really at the end of the day, the most important thing is making sure that that person's safe, making sure they have the best opportunity for a positive outcome and a positive quality of life.

Mm-hmm. And that, to me is a, is more important than, than any material possession that there is. 

Jami Shapiro: Absolutely. And I also wanna highlight like making a decision in your reptilian brain when you know when things are fight, flight or freeze and you're flooded with emotion is not the time to plan or make decisions.

And [00:37:00] so hopefully you have made them proactively, but if you haven't, that's an even better reason to bring in, you know, that sense of reason, that person who's removed from that situation and can guide you when you're not in that heightened state of emotion. So, 

Brett Frankenberg: absolutely right. No, you're right about the emotions and.

That's something that I talk about with people all the time. I mean, one of the, one of the best exam or rationales for bringing me in is I've been there a million times. Mm-hmm. I know the system, I know how the system works, and I know how to make the system work for you. Mm-hmm. When you are the, the loved one or you're the patient, your, your judgment will be clouded by a emotion.

There's just no question about that. And I'm nice. Absolutely. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. I love it. Okay, so give us how people can find you. Just repeat your, your website or your phone number. 

Brett Frankenberg: Sure. People are welcome to call me or text me at 6 1 9 3 1 6 6 8 6 9. Our website is www.apexhealthadvocates.com. On the [00:38:00] website, there is an opportunity to book 30 minutes of it's a complimentary 30 minute discovery call.

You know, tell me about your situation. I'm gonna ask you a lot of questions and I'm going to see if if I can help you. And at the end of that call, you know, we make a mutual decision whether or not there's an opportunity for me to help. And then we, we figure it out from there. So thank you for that.

Thank you, Jami. I appreciate the opportunity. I love 

Jami Shapiro: that. I love the work that you're doing and, and thank you for approaching me and, and sharing your story. And you know, a as we said, and I, I'll use the line 'cause I did give it to you, but Crisis doesn't make an appointment and you know, although we don't want to, to, you know, look at anything that is negative.

I think that we need to make these decisions proactively again, so that we really can make the rest of our lives the best of our lives. So that's, anything else you wanna add to that closing, Brett? 

Brett Frankenberg: You know, just that, that it is about quality of life but illness, injury and death are a part of life.

And so we need to recognize that [00:39:00] and not hide from it. But actually, manage it to the best of our ability, and I appreciate the opportunity to talk about it with you, and I've enjoyed the conversation, so thank you. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah, me too. I look forward to, if I have to be at those networking things, I, I look forward to seeing you again.

 

The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.

If you think you may have [00:40:00] a medical emergencies. Call your doctor or emergency services immediately. The host, guests and producers of Grandma has ADHD. Do not assume any liability for the content of this podcast. Listen at your own discretion.

Jami Shapiro: You'll, you'll, okay. So.