Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 60 - “This Explains So Much: Understanding Undiagnosed ADHD”

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 60

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What if one book could finally make sense of your lifelong struggles with clutter, focus, or follow-through?

In this special solo episode of Grandma Has ADHD, host Jami Shapiro shares insights and readings from her book, This Explains So Much: Understanding Undiagnosed ADHD for Those Who Have Too Much, Feel Too Much, or Have Been Told They Are Too Much.

What began as Jami’s personal discovery of ADHD at midlife became a mission to help others—especially women and adults over 50—understand that what they’ve blamed on “getting older” might actually be ADHD hiding in plain sight. Through her experiences as a senior move manager and founder of Silver Linings Transitions, she weaves together personal stories, client lessons, and heartfelt reflections on how ADHD shapes our homes, habits, and self-worth.

This episode is a glimpse into the heart of This Explains So Much—a compassionate, relatable guide for anyone who’s ever wondered why traditional systems never seem to stick. If you’re ready to replace shame with understanding and see your ADHD through a kinder lens, this one’s for you.


Episode Takeaway:

You don’t have to do it perfectly—you just have to start. ADHD after 50 isn’t a flaw; it’s a framework for understanding yourself in a brand-new way.

Resources & Links Mentioned:



Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Grandma Has ADHD

[00:00:00] Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your [00:01:00] people. Join our growing Grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

Jami Shapiro: Hi, and welcome to a very unplanned and spontaneous episode of Grandma Has ADHD. You're going to notice that I am not interviewing anybody today, and that is because I did an amazing interview with Dr. Michael Lenz on the intersection of ADHD and chronic pain, fibromyalgia, migraine headaches, and I was.

So very excited to bring the content to you, but when I listened to the playback, the sound quality was so poor that I knew that it would be a distraction and I could not let [00:02:00] the show go on, which is really unfortunate. I am hopeful that he will come back and let me interview him because what he had to share.

Is really, really transformative and it is how I got into the ADHD space myself. It was listening to a podcast several years ago when they were describing migraine headaches and fibromyalgia being very common in people with ADHD. And my mom had suffered from both. And it was like that light bulb moment that was the catalyst behind the grandma has ADHD podcast and behind me becoming an ADHD coach and writing the book.

So anyway, I, I knew that I had to be consistent because one of the things about podcast success is that it's, it's put out there consistently. You need to be able to rely on this, and I'm so grateful to you. Who are the regular listeners? So what I decided I was going to do today was actually tell you a little bit about what's going on behind the Grandma Has ADHD world and, and catch you up on all of the things that I've been doing [00:03:00] to really advocate and spread awareness about ADHD.

So for those of you who know and have been listening, you know that I'm in the San Diego area and I started this journey by founding Silver Linings Transitions, which is a senior move and home organizing company. Specializing in helping seniors. And then the industry changed and we changed and we started to help anybody who needed help managing a move.

And we handle all of the logistics. Well then that also grew into us doing organizing and through that I ended up getting into the ADHD space. I did not know that I had ADHD when I started the business, but definitely it was hidden in plain sight my entire life, which I talk about quite a bit on this podcast.

And I also am going to share a little bit from my book. This explains so much understanding undiagnosed ADHD for those who have too much. Feel too much or [00:04:00] have been told they are too much. And a little backstory about this book, I did not plan to write the book, but after doing this podcast for more than a year and, and, and also becoming an ADHD coach, I have been interviewing, I'm sorry, I have been going around and speaking about ADHD.

Predominantly in the San Diego area, but I've also spoken and now at a few national conferences especially geared to people who work with seniors. And every time I have done a a presentation on ADHD, somebody, at least one person will come up to me afterwards and say, I had no idea that I had ADHD coming into this conversation.

But I think you just. Described to me, and I think I have ADHD, well, 80% of people who have ADHD do not realize that they have it. And just like for me, when I learned that I had ADHD more than 10 years ago, I'm like, I'm 45 years old. I have ADHD, I'm here I am. So what but when I really started to [00:05:00] understand ADHD through the ADHD coach training my entire life really changed and I understood ADHD's impact in a completely new way.

So one of the people that I interviewed on my podcast is my cousin Jane. I was the flower girl at her wedding, and she's a PhD in marriage and family therapist. And really successfully married to Gary in more than 50 years. I was a flower girl, so. I was four when she got married, so 51 years. And she is actually written a book on how do you keep your marriage going?

And again, with her experience as a therapist, we did some interviews on relationships in ADHD, and you can listen to those in previous podcasts. But she actually got my book because she wanted to be a supportive cousin. And she told me after she read the book that she even learned so much that she had no idea that the impact of ADHD ran so deep in so many different areas.

And this is someone with a PhD and I'm really, i'm really proud of my knowledge because I really have jumped into learning as [00:06:00] much as I can so that every time I hear something, I filter it for the audience of people 50 and over, because there really aren't a lot of people that are talking about that and why it matters.

And so I thought what I would do is share. A little bit from the book because I have had requests for Audible, because right now you can only get the book on Amazon or if you happen to meet me, and I have not yet been able to record the the, the the book when I read it, and, which is something I, I'm definitely going to do, but it's just one more project on my list.

But I am really excited to tell, to share two other things that are going on that you can, can be a part of. If you buy the book you can participate in a virtual book club on October, I'm sorry, on November 23rd. That's a Sunday. And I believe we are meeting at three 30 or four o'clock, but you, if you will go to the website, you'll get more information or if you want more information you can email me at Jami.

Actually email me at grandma has ADHD . at [00:07:00] gmail.com. So that's grandma has adhd@gmail.com. In the meantime, I will look up the exact time, so by the time we end this, you will have it. But the other thing that I'm really, really excited about, okay, so back to the Virtual Book Club. The virtual book club is gonna be for people who have read the book and were impacted by it and wanna talk about it and wanna meet my mom who co-wrote the book with me.

Vicki Armell, she really sort of edited the book and then interjected and I really wrote it with. People like my mom and mine, you know, my mom was almost 77 years old when we made the connection that she had ADHD and how it has really transformed our relationship and also how she sees herself. And, and, and in the audiences that I meet, a lot of people have strained relationships with adult children, and one of the things that they're hoping to get is, is the piece that I found with my mom.

So that is, again, going to be on November 23rd, and it is going to be at 4:00 PM Pacific Time. So if you want the link, you will just need to email me at Grandma has [00:08:00] adhd@gmail.com. It's free if you buy the book, and I would recommend that you do buy the book because it is going to help in the conversation.

And the book is, this explains so much, which can be found on Amazon. But on November 28th, that's Black Friday, I am hosting. A 90 minute workshop called from Overwhelmed to come on over and it is going to be at 10:00 AM Pacific time and it's, rather than going out and spending money on stuff you probably don't need anyway, thinking that you're saving money I'm, I'm inviting you to join me and other people who are accumulating that maybe don't need to be accumulating.

So that you can understand why it is that people with ADHD will go and buy more crafts or more things with the tags on, because how much are you really saving if you didn't even take the tags off? So I am, I'm marketing it as the most money you will ever save on Black Friday, but you are going to meet your people and you're going to leave.

Feeling really [00:09:00] good about not feeling alone. If you have a lot of clutter or you've got a lot of the other issues that we talk about it with ADHD you're going to, to find your tribe. And that is really so important behind this ADHD discovery. So that's gonna be again, November 28th, and if you will email me, I will also get you the link, or you can go to grandma has adhd.com, take the ADHD quiz and you will get the link to the Black Friday workshop.

And so that is, that's going on and I'm really excited. But I wanna share a story about kind of how clutter makes such a difference in people's lives. So my mom as you've heard in the podcast before, she's definitely battled with clutter. And it's been a battle between the two of us. Actually.

She hasn't battled the clutter. It's been more my issue with my mom's clutter. She, she seems to be okay with it, and I need to practice acceptance for my mom. My mom had lives in a 55 and over community, and there was an artist that lived in her building that was talking about her [00:10:00] artwork, and my mom said, oh, I'd love to come over and see your art.

And the woman said, you can't come into my house. It's really messy. And so what's great is because of my mom's awareness. My mom's like, oh, my daughter just posted pictures of my house in a book. Don't even worry about it. So we were able to break down the barrier and I, that is what my goal is really of that November 28th workshop is to really sort of like let our freaks freak flags fly.

Be open about who we are and embrace embrace ourselves and, and let go of the shame and hear other people who are experiencing just what you're experiencing. So with that said, I thought, okay, well, I have to give you a podcast that you can listen to because unfortunately there's no way I could put Dr.

Michael Lenz's podcast out there. Even though my motto is perfect as the enemy of done sound quality, that sounds like that is just gonna distract you and you're not gonna wanna listen to my podcast anymore. And that's the last thing I want. So what I decided to do was go [00:11:00] ahead and read you some excerpts from the book to get you excited about it and, let you know a little bit about what you can expect if you haven't read it. So I'm gonna start with the prologue rather than the acknowledgement acknowledgements.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just [00:12:00] help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com.

Jami Shapiro: So the prologue, the journey begins.

If you are like me, you have likely bought so many books, pieces of exercise, equipment, and programs, convinced that this one would be the one that finally works.

This will be the one to finally help you get your shit together. This will finally be the system you can stick to. I have lived this scene time and time again in my own life. My relationship with my mother and in the work I've done with my senior clients as a senior move manager, pieces of exercise equipment layered with dust or clothing books on organizing, sitting [00:13:00] unopened on shelves or in bags, never making it to the shelf.

Unfinished crafts and unopened craft supplies, clothing with the tag still on and clutter, or as my mom calls them, collectibles bursting at the seams. For years, I tried to solve my mom's clutter problem. For years. My company, Silver Linings Transitions, worked with cluttered and or disorganized clients, never putting the pieces together.

My mother and many of these clients have likely been living with undiagnosed ADHD. I too have struggled with disorganization in my home often the source of our before and after marketing photos, shout out to Beth B, who was usually the magician. She was the one that was coming in behind the scenes and doing those before and afters and ADHD brain often, but not always.

Struggles with organization and mundane tasks with the . We look for that high through novelty and excitement. This means we keep trying new things, exercise programs, [00:14:00] organizational tools, hobbies, or jobs only to lose interest when we become bored. My favorite ADHD trait is our resilience.

Continuing to try by picking up this book is just another example. Which leads me to the disclaimer. If you have meet one person with ADHD, you meet one person with ADHD. As I have learned in my Al-Anon program, like many people with ADHD, I have struggled with codependency. Take what you like. Leave the rest.

Not everything in this book will apply to you, but I am writing this book mostly to help you realize you are not alone. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not broken, and you don't need to be fixed. You will not find the one thing that works or the program that will finally stick. What you will find is understanding the only program that will ever work is the one you work.

Understanding an ADHD brain and its [00:15:00] patterns will impact your entire way of looking at the world, your past, your present, and your future. When you get it, you can try nearly any program or book and have a chance of it actually working. As a woman over 50 who has done the lion's share of running my household, never feeling like I could get it together.

I understand how it feels to be constantly on a hamster wheel, feeling like we are too much different. Lazy, unmotivated, disorganized, and or cluttered. Not all these descriptions will apply, but I feel confident at least one will. Another ADHD trait most of us share is the tendency to dwell on the negative.

If we receive 10 positive comments, but one negative, the negative is the one that will keep us awake at night. In these pages, you'll benefit from my years of experiencing, of, of experience, edutaining, educating and entertaining audiences and clients. On downsizing the trendier [00:16:00] term with a more positive connotation is right sizing.

Along with my knowledge of ADHD acquired through lived experience and education, though there are many other books on the topic of downsizing, the impact of ADHD has been missing from the conversation. This book will change how we go through the process of decluttering and right sizing our lives.

Calling years of possessions is a daunting task for anyone, but even more challenging if you are overwhelmed by big projects, struggle with where to begin or suffer from decision paralysis, which are all characteristics of ADHD. When you finish this book, my intention is for you to gain a better, more comprehensive understanding of ADHD and then experience true.

Freedom. Freedom from the mental clutter of negative self-talk. Freedom from feeling you were never enough or were too much freedom from the physical clutter that overwhelms your spaces and freedom from the shame you've carried. [00:17:00] I hope if you have damaged or strained relationships as I did with my mom, you will have an opportunity for repair as we did.

After reading this book, you'll walk away with practical strategies to break the cycle of accumulation, manage impulsive spending patterns, and create sustainable systems that work with your ADHD brain, not against it. This isn't just about organizing your home, it's about reorganizing your entire relationship with yourself and your belongings.

ADHD is an interest-based way of doing and thinking When we are interested in something. All else falls away, and we can function at the highest level when we are bored. Even a mundane simple task can feel overwhelming. When you understand ADHD, you have an opportunity to forgive yourself for the Incompletions in Life.

Case in point. I always wanted to write a book and even had one in my Google Drive dated December 30th, 2019. [00:18:00] It wasn't until inspiration stuck struck that I knew I had to get the message out, and from there, the book poured out. I absolutely know this information must be shared. Part of the why behind this book is to take off my own mask and share the vulnerable.

Behind the scenes reality of what life looks like when you have ADHD, along with the awareness, the awareness of its impact. I hope you will not only forgive the imperfections of the this book, but you will celebrate with me that I was able to bring this book to fruition. When you realize you aren't judging my mistakes, you will give yourself permission to make mistakes too.

Well, that was a lot for me to read very spontaneously, but I do hope that this podcast and my work is helping you. I know that there are a lot of you out there who are really struggling with the grief behind what would my life have been like if I had known. And and [00:19:00] also the relief in realizing, oh my gosh, you know, nothing was wrong with me.

My brain is wired differently. I just did a wonderful podcast interview, and I love what Nikki Kinzer said. She said, the future hasn't been written yet. And that really is the reality. Like once you know that you have ADHD, you learn about it and you lean into it and you figure out, you know, what stimulates your brain and what you're good at and you recognize that maybe you have been sensitive and maybe, you know, it's not just because you're too sensitive.

Because our brains are just wired differently. Exactly. Why people with ADHD are prone to feeling pain more intensely. We have more intense periods. We tend to have more problems with fibromyalgia and migraine headaches. Than a neurotypical person does. So anyway, this was not the podcast that I had planned for you, but one of the things that people with ADHD struggle with is consistency.

And I am committed to being consistent. And I also hope if you take nothing else away from me, you take away perfect [00:20:00] is the enemy of done. And sometimes we just need to get started. And that is gonna apply in almost any area of your life. So I, if this resonated with you, I hope that you will like this podcast, share this podcast, review this podcast, buy the book.

I, I feel like it's gonna be the only way that I can get the message out and, and it's an important message to get out. 'cause there really never is a time in our lives when we cease to matter or we should stop growing. So thanks for listening and look forward to having you tune in to the next episode of Grandma Has ADHD.

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