Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 62 - The Future Hasn’t Been Written Yet: A Compassionate Guide to ADHD, Clutter, and Reinventing Yourself After 50

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 62

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What if the overwhelm, decision fatigue, clutter struggles, and “why can’t I just get started?” moments you’ve carried for decades weren’t character flaws — but ADHD you never knew you had?

In this episode of Grandma Has ADHD, Jami sits down with ADHD coach and Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast co-host Nikki Kinzer for a warm, validating, and eye-opening conversation about life with ADHD after 50 — including why so many women are discovering their symptoms later in life.

Nikki’s story is unique. She doesn’t have ADHD herself — but she built a career helping adults with ADHD long before she realized her own family members (including her daughter and husband) had it too. Between coaching, her planning membership, and co-authoring the book Unapologetically ADHD with co-host Pete Wright, Nikki brings years of insight that blend compassion, structure, and real-world experience.

Together, Jami and Nikki talk through everything from perimenopause and worsening symptoms, to downsizing and decluttering with an ADHD brain, to why asking your adult child to help you move is almost always a terrible idea.

This episode is filled with “oh my gosh, that’s me” moments — especially if you’ve spent your life feeling chronically overwhelmed, misunderstood, or ashamed of the clutter you can never seem to get ahead of.

If you’re over 50, newly diagnosed, or just starting to wonder whether ADHD has been quietly steering your life for years… this conversation will help you feel seen, supported, and so much less alone.

If you enjoyed this episode, please follow, rate, and leave a review — it helps more women over 50 discover their “lightbulb moment.” And share this episode with someone who needs to hear they aren’t lazy, broken, or alone.

ADHD doesn’t disappear with age. But neither does the chance to understand yourself better.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Grandma Has ADHD

[00:00:00] Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your [00:01:00] people. Join our 

growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community. Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

Jami Shapiro: Okay. Welcome to the latest episode of Grandma has ADHD. This is gonna be the first of its kind as many of the podcasts that I do are because we have a special guest today that is not like any other guest I've interviewed, but is similar to my story. Nikki Kinzer is the co-host of Taking Control.

She hosts an ADHD podcast, which reaches more than 1 million listeners annually, which is amazing compared to my, you know, brand new podcast. Together with Pete Wright, [00:02:00] they've authored unapologetically ADHD, a step-by-step framework to everyday planning on your own terms, a practical guide that combines Nikki's expertise as an ADHD coach with Pete's personal experience living with ADHD.

And just in case you didn't know, I have ADHD, anyone who's listening has, has followed this story and I forgot to we had technical problems coming in, so I forgot to hit focus on my phone. So I just did that and, yeah. I keep it real for everybody, Nikki, because That's right. This is my reality.

So their work focuses on helping individuals with ADHD develop personalized planning systems that work with not against our unique brains, addressing everything from time perception, challenges to rejection sensitive dysphoria. Through both their podcast and writing, Nikki and Pete offer a compassionate, practical approach to managing ADHD that balances proven strategies with real world [00:03:00] understanding.

So welcome, Nikki. Did, did that all sound good? 

Nikki Kinzer: That sounded great. Thank you very much. And I'm sorry that Pete wasn't able to, to make it for this, this afternoon, but you've got me and hopefully I can answer some questions and 

Jami Shapiro: Wonderful. 

Nikki Kinzer: Give some insight. 

Jami Shapiro: So it was my understanding that you do not have ADHD, but you got into the world of ADHD through your friend Pete, who does have ADHD.

And you shared very briefly what your background was. But then I said stop. 'cause I always like to keep the conversation authentic. So tell me how you ended up in the ADHD. 

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah, so it actually, Pete and I have been friends for a long time, so we were friends before we ever did any business together.

And it was back in 2008, many, many years ago where I decided I wanted to do professional organizing. I had seen a newspaper article in my local newspaper about this professional organizer, and at the time I was a stay at home mom and I thought, [00:04:00] wow, this might be something that I could do part-time.

It would be a really interesting way to help people and, and and so I happened to, call Pete and say, Hey, I need a website and I know you do websites. Do you think you could help me with this? And he said, sure, I can help you. And so he's been a partner of mine since day one, since I first opened the business as an organizer.

We started our podcast. In 2010, and it was an organizing, so it was, it was taking control of the organizing podcast. Mm-hmm. But then in 20 12, I think it was about two, two years later. I decided that I wanted to focus really just on the ADHD community, and that's when I found out he had ADHD.

Jami Shapiro: Hmm. 

Nikki Kinzer: So I really didn't know he had ADHD until I started talking to him about, Hey, I wanna change the way that our podcast is, is gonna be laid out. And, and he's like, well, funny that I have ADHD and you're becoming a coach for [00:05:00] ADHD. And, and it just worked out really well. So he comes from the perspective of someone who lives with it.

And I'm coming from the perspective of somebody who coaches around it and and writes about it and talks about it and all that fun stuff. 

Jami Shapiro: What, what made you decide to go from organizing to focusing on ADHD and becoming an ADHD coach? 

Nikki Kinzer: You know, I think it, it really came down to a few of my clients at the time.

I found that most of them had ADHD already. And there were a couple of clients that I was working with who were both entrepreneurs and they both had ADHD. And I found that I was helping them more than just organizing their space. I was also helping them with their time and catching up on back back load or, or.

Their workload that they were behind on. And and I just found that I really enjoyed going deeper than just organizing the space, but I also wanted to go onto all aspects of their life around ADHD. And so that was when it started. Started to click that, no, this is [00:06:00] a community I really wanna work with, but I need to learn more about it and I need to learn how to coach for ADHD.

Mm-hmm. And that's when I went back to school and did a bunch of certification thing, things like that, to learn more about ADHD and coaching and, and then just shifted the, the whole business and then found out. Later several years later that my daughter has ADHD and so does my husband. So I, I definitely live, live in a house full of very wonderful creative minds.

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. Well, I love that that's how you describe it, and I, I'm, I'm really happy to hear that you're, you're living with it in your home too, because it is a very different experience. To, yes, to live real life with ADHD and even today when I was so I work from home and I usually will make my breakfast and my inclination is I wanna make my breakfast.

And I, I'm even happy when I remember to eat because you know, when you have ADHD a lot of times you get sidetracked. Sure. But I didn't wanna stop to clean the pan for my partner. And I know that that's something that really bothers him. And so I had to. Stop what I was doing and think, okay, if I don't clean this pan right now, I will forget [00:07:00] it 'cause it's a now and not now.

And then that's going to build resentment for my partner. So I am so glad to hear that, that you live with ADHD. 

Nikki Kinzer: Oh absolutely. Yeah. And there's a lot of compassion. I mean, because I do understand it that you know, if the pan had been left out, I understand why. I know it's not, I know it wouldn't be because my partner was intentionally trying to make me mad.

Like, I get that, you know, so, 

Jami Shapiro: and that's good because a lot of people don't have that awareness and it does impact relationships. So I, my audience is really geared more to people 50 and over who are, I'm in 

Nikki Kinzer: that club. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh, great, okay. We can't talk that on online, but, but we into this conversation that don't have never been diagnosed, never even suspected that they had ADHD.

I actually just met with a client today, I could tell by walking in, you know, oh, something's going on here. And then she started mentioning anxiety and to difficulty with decisions, and I'm like, ding, ding, ding. But you know, I even said, Hey, you think there's a chance you have [00:08:00] ADHD? And she said, well, my therapist.

Thought so, but I don't think I have it. And I was like. Well, you might, so I actually left her a copy of my book. But because they grew up in a time when it was just the hyperactive little boy, if you sat still, you couldn't possibly have ADHD. And you know, there's that perception. So my, this podcast is really geared to people who are like, oh.

You mean this whole time I've had ADHD and all of the emotion that comes with that realization, but also tools. So that is why, you know, because I own a professional organizing company. Mm-hmm. We were just talking about that. We both kind of came into it the same way. I would love to hear some of your, you know, big pieces of advice geared specifically towards, you know, people 15 over who may be, you know, decluttering and downsizing and, you know, just.

I, all the things. Mm-hmm. What, what would you say? 

Nikki Kinzer: Mm-hmm. Well, gosh, there are so many things that could be going on, right? Especially when you hit that 50 plus. And, and I think the biggest piece of that is [00:09:00] perimenopause and menopause for so many women, right? That, that when your hormones start to, deplete your ADHD will feel worse. And and you'll probably feel a little more disorganized, more chaos, more memory loss. I mean, so many different things that that could be going on. And so I, I think that, you know, with your question, I would find out what are, what are the struggles first? Like, you know, is it organizing your home?

Are you d are you, are you empty nesting? So now we need to like, go through bedrooms or things like that. So I, I I would want to know from, from the client or whoever I was talking to more specifically about where they're, where they're finding their troubles. Can you gimme something a little bit more specific maybe, and I could talk to that a little bit more.

Jami Shapiro: Okay. So yeah, a lot of people who, who I work with, so my, my business is predominantly senior move management. Okay. So a senior has been in your home for many years. They are looking at the [00:10:00] process of going into a community that's a lot of who we work with. They've been in a home for, you know, for 40 years.

They've accumulated their family's belongings, you know, and now they have to make those decisions about what they're going to keep. You know, and what they're not going to keep. And it can be overwhelming for anybody, but especially somebody who struggles with with making decisions and out of sight, out of mind.

So, you know, because with, with that. Population in mind, what would be your best pieces of advice? 

Nikki Kinzer: Not to do it alone, to hire a company like you? For sure. I, I think that would be the biggest thing is I would ask for support because especially if you, you know, depending on if you're, if you are living in a house that you've lived in, you, you raised your kids in and you've been in this H home forever, like there's gonna be a lot of stuff in it, right?

There's gonna be a lot of memories, a lot of things that you've accumulated. And so trying not to do it alone, I would definitely say to get help and especially with ADHD, because it would be an incredibly overwhelming experience to try to downsize. [00:11:00] Your home and you know, whether you're going into assisted living or a retirement home or if you're going just downsizing into a smaller place, like that's a lot.

So I would definitely say ask for help and have somebody help you break that down because it's such a big project. That's where I see. Folks with ADHD just get so overwhelmed just that they see the whole thing and they don't see pieces of it. Mm-hmm. And it's really hard to know where to get started.

And so that would be my first thing is, is, you know, have somebody help you process that. Walk through like what your, what your a what are, what is your goal? Are you trying to, downsize, are we going from a three four bedroom house to a one bedroom apartment? Like what are we doing? And then really try to help them break that down and start, you know, just taking it with chunks.

Okay. Yeah, I feel like I should ask you that. Like I should ask you that 'cause that's what you guys do. Like, I don't know, am I on the same, am I on the right page here or would you say anything different? 

Jami Shapiro: I mean, a little bit different, you know, but I, I would [00:12:00] basically tell somebody absolutely, you know, that first of all, your adult child should never be your downsizing partner.

That is just, just a, gonna be a disaster. I've, I've actually tried it with my own mom and I see that our clients, so, and I would also say. You know, a lot of who I've worked with through the years, you know, the ones who didn't know they had ADHD, and were going through this same process, which is hard for anyone, you know, typical or with, or with ADHD.

Yeah. You know, to go through a lifetime of belongings and feel all the feels and to be overwhelmed by the process and, you know, and, and it is, it's a museum of your life. And so to first acknowledge that and then, you know, and doing it with an ADHD brain is, is a different process because we, we, we know we can't rely on our memories and so we wanna hold onto so many things because we want to hold onto those memories.

I'm finding a lot of it is that, and I know this is the case for me too, as I've, as I've become an ADHD coach and understood it, is there's this like Martha Stewart version that we have of [00:13:00] ourselves. Like we think if we buy all the craft supplies, you know, or we, we, we take the class that that's going to be who we are.

And there's a lot of issues with self-acceptance. I'm finding, you know, the shame that you carry when you have ADHD. Yeah. And so I think also just being realistic and being gentle with yourself and the word grace comes up a lot. Yes. And so, you know, acknowledging that I think would be some of the, 

Nikki Kinzer: yeah.

Well, because the emotional dysregulation in ADHD is so powerful, right? I mean, that's one of the, the biggest characteristics is that when you feel, you feel deep. And so, yeah, if you're going through a lot of things that have a lot of memories, good and bad, you know, that can really stop you in your tracks, right?

And not want you to continue because you need to process those feelings. It can be. Very, very big feelings. And, and it is, it is an emotional process, not just physically, mm-hmm. Exhausting, but emotionally exhausting. I'm curious though going back to not recommending your adult child, can you tell me more [00:14:00] about that?

' cause that, that's the first time I've ever heard that before. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh, yeah. And most people in my industry, so I, just to give you a little bit, I am a. I'm on the mem of the Board of Directors for the na for NASMM. Are you, have you heard of NASMM before? 

Nikki Kinzer: No. Mm-hmm. 

Jami Shapiro: Okay. So it's the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers.

So we used to be senior move managers where we were basically organizing all of the logistics of someone's move and handling. Mm-hmm. And every NASMM chapter or, or. Company that's a part of it, runs a little bit differently. But generally guides our clients through the process. So from the floor planning and deciding what's going to fit in the home, to making the decisions about, you know what we're gonna keep, what we're not gonna keep, and then what we're gonna do with everything that we're not gonna keep.

And then we and our company oversee the movers, but some NASMM members. Actually are the movers as well. But what's really great about us and how I ended up getting into the whole ADHD and organizing space is that when we are unpacking for someone, we are also organizing into their space, which, you know, requires us [00:15:00] to group things together and put them in a way that they make sense.

And so in terms of the adult child, you know, this is what I have found. Especially when it comes to moving, it's a very stressful process. 

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: And and you have an adult child who says, mom, you don't need this. And that's a role that an an adult child really shouldn't take. If at all possible, we should preserve the relationship because there is.

There is that dynamic that gets shifted. And if, if you're, and I, you know, again, because I live this and breathe this, I have a mom with a lot of clutter. I've actually done, you know, podcasts and, and articles and all of that on the experience of trying to work with my mom, especially before I knew that ADHD was what was going on for, for both of us.

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: So it just, it's just one more battle that doesn't need to be there. But I will say that if an adult child says, no, I am gonna do it. Definitely laying down the ground rules before you ever get started. And because this is an ADHD audience talking about these, the sensitivity, and you know, how you're gonna [00:16:00] get a little bit fatigued from all of the decisions and you know, so making sure that you've got those rules upfront before you ever start the process.

Nikki Kinzer: Right, right. So you're, you're saying that it's important to preserve the relationship. That it could cause conflict if, if the, if the child thinks, no, you can let go of this, and the parent is like, no, no, no. I need to keep it, or whatever their reasoning might be, and is that relationship piece that makes sense.

Jami Shapiro: Absolutely. And what I will also share, it's interesting because we as a company will go in and say exactly what the adult child has said, but they will listen to us. Yeah. Because they're authority versus the adult child who is No, that's my child. Like, you don't know what we're talking 

Nikki Kinzer: about. It kind of goes both ways too.

Right? Like I've seen that with CO because I work with college students who have ADHD as well. Mm-hmm. And you'll see that if it's coming from a coach, it's very different than if it's coming from mom or dad. Absolutely. And so yeah, I can see where that would. Make a difference. Yeah. That's so great.

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. 

Nikki Kinzer: You'll learn something new every day. 

Jami Shapiro: So I, you know, again, I, I didn't, I, coming [00:17:00] into this interview, didn't know what to expect. What would you say is the predominant focus of your book and your podcast and, and who? 

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah, so we definitely don't necessarily, like you have a very specific niche, right?

And so and our niche is, is not as specific. It's adults with ADHD, but not, not necessarily certain, not certainly over, above. 50. It, it could be any adult with ADHD and also college students with ADHD as well. And our podcast, we talk a lot about a lot, a variety of different things that affect the adults with ADHD.

We usually have different topics and themes. We'll talk about money and ADHD, we'll talk about organizing and ADHD executive functions. We're we just for October awareness, we talked about, like getting, getting diagnosed, getting an adult diagnosed di a adult diagnosis, also being an introvert and living with ADHD.

So a lot of different topics. The book itself is based off of planning. And the reason for that is I have a planning membership that I offer. It's called GPS [00:18:00] and it's. Stands for guided planning sessions, and it is a monthly membership where a group of us get together two days a week on Mondays and Thursdays.

And on Mondays we're planning for the week ahead. And then on Thursdays we're making those adjustments and so. I have a website that's filled with different lessons and articles and things about how to build a planning system when you have ADHD. And then this membership offers the, the content on how to learn it and how to build your system, but also gives you the ability to do it with support and with a community.

And I find that that's really key, is not just telling somebody how to do something. But actually giving them the space to do it with others and having that extra support. And that's really what the, the book is based off of this membership. And then with Pete and I, the way that we incorporated our podcast in the book is we on our show, I am the ADHD [00:19:00] coach expert.

He is the one with ADHD and, and so a lot of our conversations are around. You know, here are some tools or strategies and him saying, yeah, this is great, but here's where it is. You know, and we're talking to experts and and other people that we're we're speaking about different ADHD topics.

And so the book was important for us to do together, but in our voices. So when you read the book. It, the, there's the process of how to build a planning system, how to choose what tools, calendar, task managers, things like that. What your workflow is when you're using that. But then, and then that's in my voice, but then there's these stories.

That Pete has put into every chapter, and he's such a creative writer that he is able to say, this is the concept that Nikki's talking about, and this is my experience with it in the ADHD lens. And he builds this like wonderful creative [00:20:00] story around it. And so it makes the book a lot more interesting than just a how to, you know, book.

And so planning is something that we do talk a lot about on the show. Productivity. But I think the biggest thing our message is that it's not about doing more, it's about doing what, what matters most to you. It's not about doing more in a minute. Like, we want you to spend the time that you want.

In that minute doing what matters. So we really focus on your values and what is the biggest priority. 'cause with ADHD, everything feels like it's on fire. So it's really, yeah, it's right. It's trying to give you you know, some tools to go back to and say, okay, if everything feels like it's on fire, how can I really, you know, take this to-do list and really honestly do the next three things.

It's such a strategy I hear all the time, but how do I do it? So we're giving you some tools to say, well look at these three things first, and this is how you do that. [00:21:00] So it's trying to give 'em a, a method, giving them a step by step process, but with a lot of flexibility. 

Jami Shapiro: That, that sounds amazing. And I'm so glad that you talked about the membership component and the accountability.

I'm gonna take a pause right now. Sure. Take a sip of water and have everyone put on pause because I wanna go back into, into that conversation and why that matters and that's so brilliant. And also wanted to share something that I learned actually through the TAD Talks, which were the ADHD, TED Talks, but called TAD Talks. So they're half the length and they're geared towards adults with ADHD on, on those to-do lists and prioritizing. So we're gonna take a pause and when our listeners come back, they'll get to hear a little bit more about that.

 

Hey there. Grandma has ADHD listeners. I'm your host, Jami Shapiro. And do I have some exciting news? My book, this explains so much [00:22:00] understanding. Undiagnosed, ADHD is now available on Amazon. My mom, Vicki and I wrote this together. She's the original grandma who inspired this whole journey. I'm calling this the Perfect is the Enemy of Done version.

If I waited until it was perfect, you'd never be holding it in your hands. This book is for us, those of us who spent our whole lives feeling like we were too much or never quite enough. Inside, you'll find why. You've always felt different. ADHD traits, you didn't even know were ADHD traits. How to declutter without the shame spiral, and so much more about thriving with ADHD after 50.

Here is the exciting part. Everyone who purchases the book gets free access to a virtual book club that my mom and I are hosting. So mark your calendars for Sunday, October 26th at 3:30 PM Pacific, 6:30 PM Eastern. We are going to share stories, laugh about our ADHD moments and create that [00:23:00] safe space.

Where you can finally take off that girdle when you read the book, you'll know what I mean? And just be yourself. Here's what to do. Head to Amazon's search. This explains so much. Jamie Shapiro. Grab your copy, paperback or ebook and visit grandma has h adhd.com to take the ADHD quiz and get your book club registration link.

Understanding your ADHD isn't adding to your plate. It's finally understanding why your plate has always felt so full. I cannot wait to see you at the book club and hear your stories, and if the book resonates, please leave an Amazon review as well as for this podcast to help other women find their light bulb moments.

Thank you for being part of this community. This book exists because of all of you.

[00:24:00] 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 [00:25:00] 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com.

 

Jami Shapiro: So we are back with Nikki Kinzer and you know, it's really funny when we take a pause, we, there's always a little bit of a conversation in between and sometimes I don't remember where I left things off.

Because when you have ADHD, you know, working memory is, is tough. So it's like someone gives me directions and then I'm like, I just lost them. And I, I literally have to okay, left, right. Really concentrate. So I know that I said I wanted to share how we triaged the to-do list.

Nikki Kinzer: Yes. 

Jami Shapiro: And I was gonna share something about your planning your GPS system and membership.

So. I'm so glad that I remembered both. So I heard on the TAD talk, somebody say, and this, this was really a good visual when you're thinking of all of the things on your to-do list, that you would think of it as like you were in a hospital. Mm-hmm. And you were triaging. And that was a good way. Like is this something that's cosmetic, that's elective [00:26:00] that we can put off?

Is this triaged like this better get done or the person's gonna die, right? Or is this something that we can make an appointment for? So, absolutely. I thought, and and I agree, and I actually, with my ADHD education and going through the coaching program, I've recognized a lot of patterns in myself where I was over-scheduling myself, committing to too many things.

Not giving myself the buffer for follow up, so that in my coaching, that's definitely some of the things that I'm pointing out to the people that I coach. Mm-hmm. So, i'm glad that that's something that you guys are tackling. And then I am actually starting a, a membership program in January as well.

First I'm gonna be doing I'm doing a workshop on Black Friday. Mm-hmm. And it'll be from overwhelmed to come on over. For people who, especially, like my mom, for instance, lives with a lot of clutter. She lives in a 55 and over building. She was talking to a, a neighbor who was an artist, and my mom's like, oh, I'd love to see your art.

And the woman said, oh, you, you can't come into my house. And that happens a lot. A [00:27:00] lot of people, there's so much shame that they keep their selves hidden and they don't they don't accept invitations because they can't invite people over. And so my mom's like, oh. I just wrote a book on it, you should see my house and now my mom is going into this woman's house.

Nikki Kinzer: Right. 

Jami Shapiro: But to your point that accountability is so important, I, you know, we do the bodily body doubling. We need the person going through the process with us. I mean, it's just, it's, and when we understand that this is how we work best, then we're more likely to get something done than, mm-hmm. And I used to hire an organizer.

Before I knew I had a ADHD all the time. But that's not enough if you don't understand why it keeps happening and what you need to do to maintain it. 

Nikki Kinzer: Right, right. Yeah. That community aspect is so important. And that's what I find to be such a benefit to the folks that are in the, in the membership is that, you know, everybody's at a different space.

And the thing with. Planning specifically is it never just goes away. It's not like you just all of a sudden you become an expert in planning and, and I don't need any help or support [00:28:00] anymore. So that's why we try to do it so that it is something that it's not a class. It's not a course that you finish and end.

This is an ongoing thing that you're learning about yourself and what works, what tools work best for you. What, how do you take in the information this new information and how do you process it and how do you use your calendar and how, what is that triage system and that hospital? Example. Example. I don't remember if that was me that did that.

'cause I have talked about that before. 

Jami Shapiro: It was a man, but there was someone 

Nikki Kinzer: else. There was a man. Okay. 

Jami Shapiro: Well, it could have been, you could have been the second one 

Nikki Kinzer: because I have talked about that before. And that is a great way of picturing it, is exactly that triage, like what is the most important thing?

And for us in our book and what we talk about in planning, there's three, and I'll tell you exactly what they are. There's three filters that you can start looking at your list and, and to. Start to eliminate the list going from like a hundred to at least, you know, 10. And then we can go from 10 to like five.

Mm-hmm. And the first one is deadline. You know, what are the real deadlines that you have this week that you have to do? That eliminates a lot of stuff right away. 

Jami Shapiro: Right. 

Nikki Kinzer: And it's an [00:29:00] easy decision to make because, you know, if something is. Actually do this week. The second is impact. What is the impact of me getting this task done or not done?

Mm-hmm. The higher the impact, the higher the priority is. Mm-hmm. The third one is time. When you start looking at your calendar and you start looking at your appointments, how much time do you really have available to get this work? Done. And that's where the hard questions and the hard decisions start to have to make, be made because most likely you don't have the time to do all 10 things.

So now I need to make the choice of do I need to rearrange something to make this work, or do I need to be okay by saying. I can let this go and focus on the things that have the deadlines and the higher impact. And so that's where I talk about we're not trying to do more in five minutes. Mm-hmm. We're really trying to do the one thing that matters the most, and that's, that's a way that you can kind of start to filter it.

So just to give a little takeaway for your [00:30:00] listeners, the, the deadline impact and time. 

Jami Shapiro: That was such a good way to describe it, because I've come to that on my own, but I didn't have it so succinctly described. Mm-hmm. But to your point, when I'm now looking at my calendar and I think, okay, well it's gonna take me an hour to get somewhere, not to mention the hour or whatever that I'm gonna be there, and then the hour to get back and then the follow up and is, so where does that fall in my party?

So that was a great way. So before we leave, I wanna do, do, do thing two things. One is any message. I always. Really like to have. The end user, the end listener in mind. And my podcast is, I believe at this point, one of the only ones that's really geared towards older adults. And again, a lot of them have gone their entire lives not realizing why they felt different.

And now they're getting, you know, they're getting this understanding or, and, and with it comes the grief that they wish they had known and the impact that it would've had on their lives if they had discovered it earlier. So. I always like to ask my guests, you know, what would your advice [00:31:00] be to those people who are meeting this diagnosis with grief and relief?

Nikki Kinzer: Yeah, and it's so true. 'cause it can be both, right? It, it's both. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Nikki Kinzer: Mm-hmm. I would say learn as much as you can about it, because I think the more you can understand how your ADHD impacts you, the more you can understand that it's not. Who you are, you are not broken. You don't need to be fixed. You don't you don't have to do something somebody else's way.

You can figure out how to do it your own way. But I do think you find that out by really understanding how ADHD impacts you. So getting that, that education, that awareness and then I think it is also. Grieving because you know, you have found something out. But then I would say, try to let that go.

Two, because the future hasn't been written yet. Mm-hmm. And just because something has happened in the past or you wish [00:32:00] you would've done something different, you still have that opportunity to do something different now. Or maybe it's not even doing anything different. Maybe it's doing the same thing, but with more acceptance and more self-compassion and understanding of who you are as a person.

You know, I see this with my young adult child who, you know, she's not a child anymore. She's 20, but she's, you know, she was diagnosed with ADHD when she was in eighth grade and watching her, you know, come home and really like beat herself up over something and just trying to hold her with compassion and giving herself, you know, giving herself that self-compassion.

How would you treat. Somebody else. And would you say those things to someone else? If not, then don't be saying them to you because they're not serving you. You know 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. You nailed it. You absolutely like those last couple of words that you've said, and, you know, from the, the future hasn't written itself yet.

Mm-hmm. By the way, my oldest child was diagnosed in eighth grade as well, and that was when I received my [00:33:00] diagnosis. 

Nikki Kinzer: Okay. Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: Simultaneously, when the psychiatrist is asking, asking questions, and I'm like, wait a minute, I'm answering. So it turns out my child is inattentive type. I am combined type. 

Nikki Kinzer: Okay.

Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. I'm on steroids. And then my other question for you is if somebody resonated, I, I'm actually gonna look into your GPS pregnant 'cause you know, even people who coach need coaching. 

Nikki Kinzer: Oh sure. Absolutely. 

Jami Shapiro: Everything that's right in front of you. I, I like the analogy that I, I heard a friend of mine share that, you know, when you've got your finger in front of your nose and you can pull it out, you can see your finger, but as soon as you, you know, bring it up to your nose, you can't see it, so, 

Nikki Kinzer: right.

Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. So what, how can people find you? 

Nikki Kinzer: Take control. adhd.com is the easiest way to find me. And you can find the podcast there. You can find the book there. We have a blog. All of the coaching services and the membership program is all there too. So yeah, take control adhd.com is the best place.

Jami Shapiro: Yeah, it was a great website. I, I checked it out to, to get your, your bio and so well, thank you. [00:34:00] Thank you Nikki Kinzer for being a guest on the Grandma has ADHD podcast. I'm looking forward to returning the favor and being on your we'll be recording this week as well, so thank you. 

Nikki Kinzer: Thank. 

Jami Shapiro: Thank you everyone who listened.

If you enjoyed this conversation, please like and subscribe it. Subscribe to it, share it. That's how we grow. And if you have not read or heard of the book, this explains so much. That is my new book that came out for ADHD awareness month. And I've loved the comments from people who are, you know, having those light bulb moments and realizing it all makes sense now.

So thank you again, Nikki, for listening. Thank you. Or for being here. And thank you everyone for listening. And and I'm gonna just end with, with Nikki's words. The future hasn't been written yet. I really like that. Thanks so much.

The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not [00:35:00] provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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