Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 63 - How about an "Exercise Snack?"

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 63

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What if the constant overwhelm, racing thoughts, late-night wide-awake brain, or “why is this so hard for me?” moments weren’t personal failures — but your nervous system asking for support?

In this episode of Grandma Has ADHD, Jami sits down with Brisbane-based ADHD & Executive Function Coach Monica Hassall, co-founder of Connect ADHD Coaching. Monica brings over a decade of experience working with adults, parents, students, and families navigating ADHD — along with a deep passion for neuroscience, mindfulness, and practical tools that actually stick.

Monica doesn’t identify as having ADHD herself, but she grew up in a very ADHD household, married a partner with ADHD, raised neurodiverse kids, and now coaches full-time in the ADHD world. Her perspective blends compassion, science, and real-life lived experience.

Together, Jami and Monica unpack everything from emotional regulation and executive function struggles to what Monica calls the “Internal Pharmacy” — a simple, empowering framework that helps ADHD brains regulate their own chemistry through sleep, movement, hydration, scaffolding, and intentional routines.

If you often feel overstimulated, exhausted, disorganized, or “all over the place,” this conversation will help you feel understood — not judged. And if you’re over 50 and noticing your symptoms more intensely than ever? You’re definitely not imagining it.

This episode is validating, practical, and full of those “oh wow… that makes so much sense” moments.

If This Episode Resonated… Please follow, rate, and leave a review — it helps more women over 50 find their “lightbulb moment.” Share this episode with someone who needs validation, understanding, and a reminder that they’re not alone.

ADHD doesn’t disappear with age. But neither does the chance to understand yourself better.

Resources & Links Mentioned:

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Grandma Has ADHD

[00:00:00] Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be a DHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your [00:01:00] people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

Jami Shapiro: Okay. Hello and welcome to the grandma has ADHD podcast. I am excited to be joined from across the continent in Brisbane, Australia by Monica Hassall. And she is an ADHD and executive functioning coach in Brisbane, Australia. Initially with a nursing and then corporate medical sales background.

Her coaching journey started in [00:02:00] 2012 when her husband Jonathan, and she created Connect ADHD coaching. She is presented at the international conference for ADHD in 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021. And at the Australian ADHD conference in 2019 and 2022. Wow, that's quite a lot.

She has been published in ADDitude Magazine and twice in Attention Magazine and she loves connecting with parents of kids with ADHD. She also runs a live ADHD parenting program as well as working with adults. She works with high school students with neurodiversity ADHD and autism spectrum disorder.

Wow. Welcome. Oh, and her goal, is to curate knowledge to work closely with her clients, incorporating information and practices from a variety of sources, current neuroscience, traditional wisdoms, eastern philosophy, mindfulness, and coaching [00:03:00] principles. Welcome. That was quite a bit. 

Monica Hassal: Oh, hey Jami.

So lovely to meet you. I think this is a wonderful podcast and I was so excited when you reached out. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh, I'm so glad. Yeah, so I reached out to a lot of the other presenters who did TAD talks and are involved in the ADHD space. And so Monica, remembered, sent mea lovely email.

And one of the things that you shared with me was that I had commented on one of my podcasts. That I preferred the Surrender Experiment to the untethered Soul by Michael Singer and how she just felt we had so much in common. And as you guys who've listened to this podcast, know I don't do a lot of pre-interviewing.

I like to have really spontaneous conversations that are exciting for you and exciting for me because if I were to rehearse it, then I just get nervous and I don't want that. So, hello. Hello. Soyou also have ADHD. 

Monica Hassal: [00:04:00] That's an interesting question. My husband has ADHD. He reckons I'm one half tick box away from it, but as many women with ADHD may not fit in line with the criteria or, you know, the assessment process.

I know I grew up in a very ADHD family, so my husband says you're probably more ADHD adjacent because we know it's highly heritable. I certainly don't tick all the criteria, but if you saw my office kept, you'd think she's got ADHD, but my husband has ADHD and his office is meticulous.

Jami Shapiro: Yeah, you know, I actually would say that I don't fit all the criteria either. And one of the things that I always say is, you meet one person with ADHD, you meet one person with ADHD, and you know, that's why so many people think, oh, I can't have it because I can sit still. Well, that may mean that you're not hyperactive, but you know, how is your brain when you're sitting down trying to read that book that you're not interested in, right?

So when you say you have a family with ADHD, can you tell me a little bit About that. 

Monica Hassal: Well, it's interesting. I grew up [00:05:00] in a really big family, one of six kids, and a super loving family. And looking back at my dad, unfortunately, my mom and dad had both passed away. I'm sorry. ButI would even think that my father passed away as a result of his ADHD from impulsivity.

He. Walked across the road and was sadly, you knowin a pedestrian accident. To me, looking back at his life, particularly after we were cleaning up the house, I would see all these little signs, you know, lots of clutter, lots of love of paper, Paper piles everywhere, but the most generous man you could ever find.

And these little, in fact, my husband often would refer to my mother as the source, you know, the source of ADHD. So again, very creative. Beautiful soul. You know, we didn't live in a hoarding situation, but there was more clutter. There was a lot of emotional regulation and very busy brains.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: Very loving. A little bit chaotic. 

Jami Shapiro: that's sounds like my children's experience growing up with me and interesting. I have a mother and a father with [00:06:00] ADHD. They did not stay married and we did not know my mom had ADHD until just under two years ago. But to your point about your dad, and I'm so sorry about that.

My half brother was diagnosed in the 1980s. And he was the stereotypical poster child with, you know, the hyperactivity. And I can remember, so I didn't know that I had ADHD until the age of 45. So I remember my brother 12 years, my junior, I was probably 20 years old. He's about eight. And we're like going to the mall or we're going somewhere.

And I remember we're at a traffic light, like a cross signal, and I had to pull him back from going into the street. So when my ex-husband said that I had ADHD, I was like, no, that's ADHD not, not this. and I don't know how old you are because you said you're kind of like on the tick. I love the way that you said it.

Say it again with like your one tick away. 

Monica Hassal: One half tick box away from a diagnosis. half tick bucks away,But I'm actually turned 60 this [00:07:00] year, so. Wow. 

Jami Shapiro: That's amazing. So I would imagine then for you that the very least menopause or perimenopause has kicked in.

Monica Hassal: Yeah. You know, I think it's about engineering the environment too. Mm-hmm. And that's one of my messages for my clients. Can't keep it all here. You have to engineer the environment. Right. 

Jami Shapiro: The scaffolding, that's definitely scaffolding. Something that I have realized for myself is if I build that scaffolding, you know, like for instance, I always wear my smartwatch now, 

 where was gonna be a distraction. Yeah. But it's become my second brain. So anyway, I wanna know what an internal pharmacy is. 

Monica Hassal: Well, an internal pharmacy is having agency over our own body and brain chemistry. Now, I came up with this idea once and I learn a lot from my clients. They're amazing.

But I had this one young man who was 23 and he was staying up till two o'clock in the morning, having to wake up at six o'clock in the morning, get to work, and he was prescribed [00:08:00] medication stimulants, and he would take more stimulants than what he was prescribed in the morning to wake him up.

And then three weeks later, he'd run out of his script and not have any, so I kind of figured, oh, he's not using his external pharmacy the right way. And I thought, oh, it's an external pharmacy, but we have our own body and brain chemistry. 

 That helps 

us with things like getting to sleep on time.

We'll help our brain chemistry because it'll keep our emotions more regulated so we won't fall into. High emotions because of poor sleep. 

Jami Shapiro: Body and 

Monica Hassal: brain chemistry and it's simple things, you know? So it's simple things like nutrition, hydration, and sleep is number two. And I know sleep is one of the most difficult things for many people with ADHD.

There are rare exceptions, but it's really hard. And then if we're not sleeping, we're not exercising. Mm-hmm. And exercise is a fantastic source of. agency over your brain chemistry to help you with performance. So I thought, oh, kind of need a [00:09:00] list, you know, because I know these things are important.

And then when you start talking about exercise, you realize that breath work's really important, not just for your exercise, but. Also modulating which part of your brain's in charge. So I've got a little list of, well list of about 11 or 12 things I keep addingof things that are important for the IT to help that body and brain chemistry work to, you know, its best ability.

Jami Shapiro: I would love 

to hear some, and I do wanna share with you something that I've noticed about sleep for myself. if I don't sleep properly, then I do crave sugar, which throws off my diet, right?We all know that sugar is not great for us and people that ADHD tend to crave sugar, but the one thing that I've noticed for my sleep in addition to doing a brain dump.

Like just getting everything out. I like to sleep with a weighted blanket. I have found that people with ADHD autism anxiety, we do really, really well with that weighted blanket. So anyway, can't wait to hear your list, but always like to throw in my own, you know? 

Monica Hassal: [00:10:00] that weighted blanket is a great example of engineering the environment, isn't it?

you need that perception, the sensory calming. A great example. 

Jami Shapiro: Oh, good. 

Monica Hassal: So I've got a little copy of my internal pharmacy here. So what I've done is I've created it like a little script pad because people tend to respect script pads, you know, that if they get a prescription from their doctor, they respect that.

So I've created one and it looks like it has a lot of things on it, and I'm happy to send you one, Jami. But the thing is people go, oh, there's a lot on there. And there are a number of things on there, and I've kind of put in rank order, but I would never expect anyone to do every one of them every day.

It's kind of like a guideline. I had one of my clients, after about a couple of weeks, he said, I love it. He said, you can't help feel better If you do most of these things, most days, you don't have to do all of them. Well, think of the 80 20 rule, but I think if you do 80% of these, 80% of the time, you can't help but feel better.

And there's simple things we're gonna do anyway. [00:11:00] So gimme some examples with, at the top of the prescription pattern nutrition, hydration. Now, I know that sometimes, you know, particularly when it's hotter, we might drink more water, but sometimes we don't When it comes to winter. We don't drink as much because we don't have that internal need, but we need the external reminder.

So what the internal pharmacy script pad is little working memory tool. Help us to remember the things that we need to do. Now, this is where understanding executive function is important. Executive functions are the suite of skills that help us execute tasks. So working memory is something that having good working memory helps us execute tasks.

Oh, that's right. I've gotta have some nutrition, hydration. I need to have my water bottle close to me. And the other thing I know about ADHD is they're so busy. People have these busy brains, but they might forget to eat or they might get to the end of the day. And had one lady who was a very smart lady corporate flyer would get to the end of the day at six o'clock, try to feed her kids.

[00:12:00] And she hadn't, there was nothing, either nothing in the fridge or everything was frozen, which is very unappealing. So then they'd have to have takeaway. Which got expensive. Absolutely. So just nutrition, hydration, and I have some, you know, one side of the internal pharmacy are the things that we need.

And the other column are the simple things we can do to address each of those items on the pharmacy. So I talk about three colors of nutrients, dailies, you know, like green veggie, a yellow veggie, and maybe a white veggie or fruit. Blueberries. You know, that's, at least three colors of nutrients sometimes when people, have a lot of takeaway food

It might be, hamburgers and chips or fried chicken and chips, and they're kind of all yellowy, whitey stuff. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: So it's about just taking a broader view and then reflecting on some of these things, you know, it's actually not too hard to grab a zucchini or some broccoli and a carrot and some blueberries, you know, but being intentional about it.

So after nutrition, hydration is sleep because whether we like it or not, sleep is the next [00:13:00] most important thing we need for survival. 

Jami Shapiro: so what do you tell people who have a brain that's constantly racing? How can they improve their sleep? 

Monica Hassal: Well, it'sagain, being intentional.

So I like the work of Dr. Russell Barkley. he's a psychologist in the US who's a professor of psychiatry. So he talks about ADHD as sometimes being intention deficit disorder. 

So not just attention but intention.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. So not 

Monica Hassal: having clear intentions. Think we'll keep it all in our brain. I wanna remember to do that. And that's not possible. We can't remember everything, so we need to have clear intentions. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: Again, which is what the internal pharmacy is about. Clear intentions. 

Jami Shapiro: I love that. 

So, okay, I'm gonna sidetrack you for a minute, just 'cause like I said, I have a ADHD.

I keep it real. I've heard that it's very common for people with ADHD to have food intolerances or sensitivities or pickiness. Have you heard that [00:14:00] before? 

Monica Hassal: I have heard that, and when I hear the food pickiness I often think that that can be a bit of an ISD trait as well. Okay. Because there can be some traits, some people might not have a full autism trait,diagnosis, but they might have some traits.

But I think the pickiness too could be with engagement. You know, people with ADHD tend to, the way I like to talk about, it's often the emotion is right, but the volume can be wrong. So they might be really engaged or driven by some foods more so. And that's because perhaps it's just theorizing the emotions

take over. I really wanna eat this. The executive function part of the brain that makes the more cognitive smart decisions isn't downregulating it saying, Hey, no, we've gotta put it on pause. Okay. And on a side note, this is where mindfulness comes in as well. You know, it could be biological, you know, it could be psychological.

Mm-hmm. They, they all work together. 

Jami Shapiro: Sure. Okay. I know I took you off track. So what were some of the other internal pharmacy things on your script? 

Monica Hassal: [00:15:00] Well, the third one is exercise. So if we're not sleeping well enough, they kind of go in order. If not sleeping well enough, it's very hard to exercise.

And the thing about exercise is it's one of the simplest things we can do to change. The brain chemistry for alertness, Dr. John Rady is another wonderful American psychiatrist and he wrote a book in, I think late eighties, early nineties called Spark, and he was one of the first people to have that conversation around the benefits of exercise and focus.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: What I love about exercise, if we can do that, preferably in the morning, it can structure our day. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: It can be the starting block, you know, for brain chemistry. 

Jami Shapiro: I have to interrupt you because I have noticed that if I don't do it in the morning. I always get distracted and it doesn't end up happening.

and also, I know if you're familiar with David Gork, he startedthe ADD Coach Academy. And he is, you know, [00:16:00] he's up there, but he will not work as a coach with someone. Unless they're following an exercise regime. So that is how strongly he advocates. I think sometimes calling it exercise, especially for people with ADHD is too hard of a word.

And so it's just like parking a little further, you know, moving your body and not being so regiment about it, but thinking, what can I do to be moving? 

Monica Hassal: It's, yeah, movement and exercise is important. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Movement. And there's even some great conversations coming out about exercise snacks, so you don't have to do a full 30 minute workout-.

It could be an exercise snack, like you just said, is part further away or run up a set of stairs, you know, in your lunch break. Simple. you don't even need space.I did try and regiment in some way, but was tricky. I'm still working on it. Setting an alarm every hour and doing 10 dips, you know or lunges right next to your workspace or at home, wherever you are.

Mm-hmm. Now, the funny thing is, I thought, oh yeah, I wanna [00:17:00] do that one day. And I know these things can be simple, but they're not always easy. Mm-hmm. But then it takes intention. So you know, it might be 10 squats next to your desk. And you know, if you can do that eight times a day, that's the equivalent of doing a 30 minute workout in the morning.

Jami Shapiro: Oh, that's sounding really good. I think I just got something. I like this exercise snack. 

Monica Hassal: It's 

a great idea. It can be anything. You know, for me, I'm the same as you, Jami. If I don't do my exercise in the morning, it probably won't happen. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: The thing is, you kind of run out of resources, run out of time, life gets in the way, but for me, exercise in the morning is almost like a sacred time for me.

I need it, and I love it, and if it doesn't happen, then it won't happen. And it's important to me. It's one of my values. 

Jami Shapiro: I wish I loved it. It's a necessary evil in my life. I know that it's important and it's, it is also one of my values, but I cannot tell you that I've crossed into love.

Monica Hassal: Mm-hmm. Well, one of the things I did was if I go for a walk, I listen to podcasts. Or I listen to [00:18:00] an audio book, so I will not sit down and read a book. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm.

Monica Hassal: I can 

do it when I'm moving. Mm-hmm. Me too. As I've gotten a little bit older, I've realized how important something like yoga is in the morning.

And you and I used to fall into the type of waiting for an a yoga class I could get to. You don't need to. There are hundreds of fantastic yoga instructors that you can, I can do it in my office right behind me if I need to. I prefer to go to the gym 

Jami Shapiro: mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: In the morning. 

And that's where I'll do it.

' cause no one can disturb me there. Mm-hmm. But it's about again, engineering your environment. And I've changed the relationship with my gym membership as well. I used to just go for classes. And then I thought, oh, there's different areas of the gym I can use outside of a class, like the weights area. I actually, I'm lucky enough, I go to a gym that's got an outdoor area, so I will go outside into the grass area and do my yoga out there, which is beautiful.

And it might only be 10 minute yoga, it might be 10 minutes. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: It's easy. Good. I like it's about working it out. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. That's great. Any other [00:19:00] tips you wanna share? Or maybe you want to have people reach out to you if they'd like to get that list. If you,Wanted to have them do that, do you wanna just give us your contact information so that it's something we don't go yet? Sure. 

Monica Hassal: That's okay. you can reach out, we have a website. It's www.connectADHD.com. Simple as that. 

Jami Shapiro: Connect. Yeah. So speaking of connection, you mentioned that your husband, Jonathan, is the partner with ADHD.

Mm-hmm. How is that for you as a partner to have a partner with ADHDor spouse with ADHD? 

Monica Hassal: Well. Interestingly enough, Jonathan didn't realize he had ADHD until he was working in Pharmac, the pharmaceutical industry. We were both nurses a long time ago. That's how we Met. And John ended up working in a pharmaceutical company, first of all he was working with the medication for anxiety and depression.

And I went to another company then he came back to the original one, and long story short, started working in this area of ADHD. We had, no, this is 15, maybe. 16, 17 years ago now, we had no idea about ADHD And the [00:20:00] conversation was still the old conversation back then. And John would come home really excited and go, oh, you know, it's actually real.

ADHD is a real thing. Oh. And then we realized it's not just in boys. Oh, it's not just in kids. And, the conversation grew and he was at a conference one time and they were talking about the, positive attributes of ADHD. And he realized. That's him.

You know, so he's very positive very creative, one of the most creative people on the planet, I think. And the thing is that all made sense, for the first maybe 20 years of our marriage, I thought, why has he got so many hobbies? why does he do this?

Why is he so engaged with this? So it made a lot of sense. And then also, you know, you have kids, you know, a couple of our kids have ADHD as well. Mm-hmm. So it's what you get used to. It's about engineering your environment. It's about understanding each other.

It's about understanding the language of, it's not just attention deficit and hyperactivity like the name would suggest. It's about understanding executive functions as well. So John's an expert in 

Jami Shapiro: engineering environment. That's awesome. Okay, so speaking of [00:21:00] executive functioning, how do you think that understanding the framework of executive functioning is so central to living with ADHD?

Monica Hassal: Well, you know, if we don't understand executive function, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder that's kind of like a bunch of words that describes behaviors. It doesn't really speak to anything much more apart from things that have already happened, haven't had your attention on something, and you've been hyperactive.

We need to change the conversation around ADHD to more in terms of looking at it through the lens of executive functioning. So when my clients come to me, I'll often ask and say, if you had to define ADHD to someone, what would you say? And they'll often tell me what it feels like. They go, oh, it's like having five conversations in your head at once.

Or it's like being on a rollercoaster or it's you know, like wanting to watch 10 televisions all at the same time. And they can tell me what it feels like, but they don't often have a good working definition. Of what it [00:22:00] is and what it means. So the way I like people to change that conversation with themselves is about its challenges with self-regulation and its self-regulation of the executive functions.

So that takes it away from the shame and guilt about, you know, forgetting things or losing things or, or being, you know, not reading the room. And it puts it more into oh, this is a framework of how my brain is fueled. And what's working well and what isn't working well. So everyone with or without ADHD has more dopamine available to them when they're interested in something.

Now, the thing about ADHD is that dopamine isn't as consistent as people without ADHD. Because we know it's about fueling. It's about the brain chemistry. And that's where we need to focus our attention. What's going to get the brain chemistry to do the work? So the executive functions, which is the front part of our brain, gets to do its job.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: So it's that if we can get that part of the brain [00:23:00] fueled, which is what the internal pharmacy is all about then it can do its job properly and you can have the structure to know where you need to put. You know, things in place. Mm-hmm. As I keep saying, engineering the environment, having the watch.

Having a speaking clock. Having a calendar. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. I wanna take a pause and talk a little bit more about engineering the environment. So just if you are listening to this podcast and you are enjoying it, which I hope you are, please like, and share and comment, and we are gonna come right back with Monica Hassall.

 

​

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[00:27:00] 

Jami Shapiro: So we are back with Monica Hassall of Connect ADHD in Brisbane, Australia. And I asked a little bit more about creating the environment.

I, I don't remember the words that you used, but to, to support yourself with that internal pharmacy when you have ADHD and especially, andI think we should define executive functioning just because a lot of our listeners, this may be the first time they're hearing this podcast and we throw these terms around, but you know, they're, they're not new to us as 

ADHD coaches,So why don't you describe executive function in executive functioning to the audience? 

Monica Hassal: Very happy to, as I said, John and I are both nurses. We knew nothing about executive functions 20, 30, 40 years ago when we started nursing executive functions.

first, it's good to understand the brain. Our brain is pretty complex and different areas of the brain have different jobs. So one area of the brain might be for listening. One different area of [00:28:00] the brain might help us with understanding language or seeing colors. But the front part of our brain, right behind where our eyes are, that's the part of the brain that's called the prefrontal cortex.

So it's at the front and it, that's the area of the brain that. Managers a suite of skills. That's where the, the skills take place. So executive functions, they're a bunch of skills and they generally all work together that help us plan, organize, prioritize, manage time, help us manage our emotions, help us manage our attention.

That's the job of the front part of our brain. So it's a more advanced part of the brain. And it gets wired when we learn things through experience. So it's simplest understanding suite of skills that help us execute tasks. 

Jami Shapiro: 

Monica Hassal: That's why they call it executive functions. And once we know that we can do something about 'em.

Jami Shapiro: So that's like time management Or emotional [00:29:00] regulate. I'm just trying to, you know, it's funny, I wrote a book. I mention all of them and then I blank when I have to like go into. But organizing is a really big challenge for those of us with issues. 

Monica Hassal: what I've done, Jami, because it took me years to sort of understand it.

What I've done is I've created cards for my clients so they can understand it better. So what I'm showing Jami, is a little card I've put together. With seven executive functions on there. creating these cards is a way that I help my clients engineer their environment. So they can remember what the executive functions are.

It's why I made a card for the internal pharmacy. So I want people to be able to remember these executive functions at their point of performance. Here's another thing that goes with engineering the environment. ADHD is always about the point of performance. What's happening right now.

What am I remembering? What am I forgetting? Where are my emotions? Where is my attention? Is it the right time? what little naughty habit have I got into that I need to not be doing so I can do the thing I'm meant to be doing, or I'd like to be doing or I need to be doing? 

So that's why engineering the [00:30:00] environment is important 'cause that ADHD is about that point of performance. 

Jami Shapiro: You had shared that understanding our values as a motivator for self-care. Can you explain that a little bit 

Monica Hassal: I love the notion of people being more aware of their values, so we need to actually, if you haven't already done a values exercise, I would highly recommend you stop and do one.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm.

Monica Hassal: So a values, I've got a simple one that I send to my clients and I've got an orange piece of paper with like 110 words on it. What I want them to do is circle everything that means something to them. Narrow it down to the top 10 and then narrow it down to the top three or four so you know what your values are.

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: the reason why I do that is understanding your values can help you make good decisions 

Jami Shapiro: That's so true. I mean, I even did that as I was looking at my life and what were my values gonna be, not just for my company, but for me as a mom and as I walked through life.

we both shared that exercise was a value So it's like, where does that fall in our day if we [00:31:00] haven't made time for it? Is it really a value? Because I think we make time for the things that are important to us. 

Monica Hassal: Well, as we age we need to value our health. Because We do nothing without our health and it is harder, to stay active if you are not healthy.

that's why the things on the internal pharmacy are really important. Nutrition, hydration, sleep, and exercise. That's why they're so important. if we know what our values are, it gives us some direction to know, what are the actions that will support my values? So if health is a value, you know, it's easy to think, well then I need to take the time to put some exercise into my week somewhere.

One of my clients values beauty and when she went on a walk one time, first time she went for a walk with her values in mind she saw this beauty of mother duck, swimming down a creek with the little tiny ducks. And she thought, oh, that's so beautiful.

hang on, I don't see this in my office. You know,our values can help us make good [00:32:00] decisions. And keep us rewarded. That's 

Jami Shapiro: great. you said in some of the stuff that you sent to me before our interview, that self-care is not a dirty word. Do you wanna expand on that?

Monica Hassal: Yeah, you knows, it's one of those things that we can start our day in autopilot and then just go, go, go and then get to bed, whatever time at night and then just do it all again. So what we need to do is understand the value of what self-care is. And as we know, it's not just bubble baths and candles.

Self-care might be getting to bed earlier. people say, oh, but I need my me time. That's I up late, but me time. Might also be getting good sleep. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. 

Monica Hassal: So that can be self-care. Sometimes people see self-care as being selfish and it's not. Self-care is about maintaining your body and brain chemistry to do what you need to do.

So 

Jami Shapiro: important. I'm gonna share, I'll share with you because, you know, since my understanding of ADHD, I have definitely altered the way that I go through [00:33:00] life and I'm now paying attention to my energy level and when I am doing something out of obligation for somebody else. That I don't really wanna be doing then that is zapping my energy.

And one of the brilliant things about my ADHD is the things that I can accomplish when I'm motivated and, inspired. And so I honored that. Then I also have to honor the need to pull back, which I never gave myself permission to do. Not this past weekend, but the weekend before, I literally, I had finished the book, I had done a couple presentations at conferences, and I'd hit that wall and old me would've felt guilty if I hadn't kept, going, going, going, and knew me.

It was like, you know what? I'm gonna sit on the couch and binge watch. It doesn't matter what I binge watch, can't remember the name. It was good though, but I finally am not feeling guilty and that has been a huge blessing of understanding my ADHD. Mm-hmm. Anything else you want to share before we say goodbye [00:34:00] to each other, at least for this episode?

Monica Hassal: Hmm. I think most important thing is that we, we only have one brain and one body, you know? And as far as we know one life, to I love that you said that. I think we have more, but that's a whole other conversation. Yes. And that's okay. We only have one right now. Yep.

So we're in charge of this one. We are more in charge than we know. So as I said, if we don't have clear intentions, then how can we have the days that we wanna have? A lot of times people might have regrets about, oh, I didn't really do this today and do that today. You know, having transparency of what our day needs to look like, which is planning, that's one of the executive functions.

Self-awareness and self-monitoring, that's one of the executive functions of my card. If we don't self-monitor, how can we keep in check and don't burn out? Like burnout is a huge conversation around neurodiversity. And burnout happens when we literally get drained because that self-monitoring hasn't occurred.

So [00:35:00] we're important. We need to be there for ourselves. we may or may not need to show up for parents or partners or kids or friends or work people, so we are in charge.

Jami Shapiro: I love that. Andthat was a message that I absolutely needed to hear. And I think, and I think the listeners need to hear, I mean, I used to feel so guilty if I wasn't doing something productive with my time.

And you know, again, self care for me now is saying, you know what, no, Jami, it's okay to pause. It's okay to veg on the couch. So. 

Monica Hassal: If my mindfulness is one of my things as well, I just have one quick quote that I just love. I think you'll really like. Okay. One of my favorite quotes, I heard it about 20, 30 years ago, and it didn't make any sense to me at the time, but now I know more about mindfulness.

It's better to do nothing than to waste time.

And most people think that doing nothing is wasting time, but it's, 

Jami Shapiro: 

Monica Hassal: Mindfulness is bringing our attention to the current moment 

Jami Shapiro: That was deep. I'm gonna have to give it some thought. 

Monica Hassal: yeah. It's a 

Jami Shapiro: sleeper. Yes. [00:36:00] It's absolutely, gonna be one of those things that hits me in the middle of the night, like when I, you know, ruminating and I can't go to bed.

Oh, that's what she meant. 

Monica Hassal: Yeah. Better 

Jami Shapiro: to do nothing 

Monica Hassal: than to waste time. 

Jami Shapiro: I love it. 

Thank you so much for being on. The Grandma has ADHD podcast and for your enthusiasm. I loved the email that you sent me. It always makes me feel good when I know that I'm speaking to a kindred spirit. And anyway, I do hope you have ADHD 'cause my favorite people have ADHD and I always tell people it's a compliment if I ask if you have ADHD.

Please take that as a compliment because we are brilliant and all of those things. So anyway, any final words before I say goodbye? 

Monica Hassal: well, thank you for having me on the podcast. Being able to, share this message we think's important and also for doing the work that you do. It's amazing. I love it.

Jami Shapiro: I appreciate it and thank you for doing the work that you're doing as well. I can't wait to get the internal pharmacy list. Well, as I like to end the podcast, it is never too late to understand yourself better and to make the rest of [00:37:00] your life the best of your life. Thanks so much for listening to the Grandma has ADHD podcast.

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