Episode 65 - Why People With ADHD End Up in Toxic Relationships?

What if the chaos in your relationships wasn’t your fault — but a pattern your ADHD brain was wired to fall into?

In this powerful and honest conversation, Jami sits down with licensed therapist, ADHD coach, and domestic violence survivor Kate Mageau to unpack the complicated link between ADHD and toxic relationships — especially for women over 50 who were never taught what “healthy” actually looks like.

Kate shares her personal story of surviving emotional and physical abuse, how late-diagnosed ADHD shaped her relationship patterns, and why so many ADHD women fall hard and fast into unsafe dynamics without realizing what’s happening.

This episode is real, validating, and filled with those “wait… THAT’S me” moments.

Together, Jami and Kate talk about:
 • why ADHD brains are more vulnerable to love bombing and trauma bonding
 • how late diagnosis (often in our 40s and 50s) changes everything
 • anxious attachment, shame, and the urge to “earn” love
 • why calm can feel boring when you’re used to chaos
 • red flags, green flags, and how to trust your body again
 • breaking generational patterns and healing without blaming yourself

And of course… Kate answers the famous Button Question: “If you could erase your ADHD forever… would you?”

Disclaimer:

This episode is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice. If you are in an unsafe relationship, please seek support from a licensed professional or local support services.

Resources & Links Mentioned:

• Kate Mageau’s Website: https://www.katemageau.com/
• Kate Mageau’s Book: Rose-Colored Glasses and Healing From Toxic Relationships Workbook (Available in Amazon)
• Kate’s Therapy & ADHD Services: https://www.empoweringtherapy.online
• Kate’s Social: @kate.therapist.author
• Jami’s Website: https://jamishapiro.me/
• Jami’s Book: This Explains So Much — Understanding Undiagnosed ADHD (Available in Amazon)
• Facebook Community: Grandma Has ADHD
• Podcast & Resources: https://grandmahasadhd.com/

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Chapters

• 2:00 Why ADHD symptoms in women are often dismissed as “just aging”
• 4:00 Kate’s late ADHD realization through working with clients
• 7:00 Love bombing, dopamine, and why ADHD brains fall hard, fast
• 10:00 Trauma bonds, emotional abuse & the “boiling frog” effect
• 14:00 Red flags vs. green flags in relationships
• 18:00 Why calm relationships feel unnatural after chaos
• 22:00 Would Kate push the “erase ADHD” button?
• 25:00 Healing shame and learning to date safely after trauma