Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 66 - Join our "Sparkler Society" - Be Bright. Be Bold. Belong.

Jami Shapiro Episode 66

What if the struggles you’ve carried for decades weren’t personal failures — but undiagnosed ADHD finally coming into focus?

In this warm, funny, and deeply relatable episode, Jami is joined by her longtime best friend Lynn Layfield for an honest conversation about friendship, late-diagnosed ADHD, and why finding the right support makes all the difference — especially after 50.

From lost permission slips and cluttered craft rooms to dopamine-seeking habits and “ADHD tax,” Jami and Lynn share real-life stories that will have you laughing, nodding, and saying, “Oh wow… that’s me.” They also pull back the curtain on an exciting new membership community designed specifically for women navigating ADHD later in life — built with accountability, humor, and zero judgment.

This episode is part friendship hangout, part ADHD education, and part sneak peek into what’s coming next for the Grandma Has ADHD community.

Together, Jami and Lynn talk about:
 • recognizing ADHD patterns that were mistaken for personality or aging
 • why one person’s ADHD can look totally different from another’s
 • ADHD and technology — why some of us thrive with it and others avoid it
 • clutter, cortisol, and the emotional weight women carry in the home
 • impulse spending, unfinished projects, and the “craft supply cycle”
 • the real cost of ADHD (hello, ADHD tax)
 • why community, body doubling, and accountability actually work
 • creating systems that make life easier — not harder

And of course… Lynn answers the famous Button Question: “If you could erase your ADHD forever… would you?”

Disclaimer: This episode is for educational and informational purposes only and does not substitute professional medical or mental health advice. Always consult a qualified professional regarding medical or mental health concerns.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Grandma Has ADHD

Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

Jami Shapiro: Welcome to the Grandma has ADHD podcast. If you are watching this videoon YouTube, you're going to notice that I am joined in the studio and I use studio loosely because it's the corner of my dining room that has ignites. Lighting and, and it's very clean and organized. But I am joined today by one of my best friends, met her in college at the University of Florida.

And we've been through quite a bit together, including, I actually helped Lynn when she had a podcast called Decision Diaries, but. It wasn't my thing and I didn't stick with it, couldn't pin me down. Where this ADHD thing is, I'm so passionate about it that I have not missed a week of recording.

So that just goes to speak volumes about ADHD being interest driven and not about our capability because I was very capable when the subject matter interested me. So Lynn is also a friend with ADHD. And one of the things that I have always loved about Lynn, and by the way, neither of us knew that we had ADHD.

I didn't know until I was 45. So when we first became friends, neither of us realized that we had ADHD. But Lynn was always that friend who I knew that whatever she said was gonna be far worse than anything. I said that she had a harder time with her filter than I did. And so it always felt like a safe space to be around because.

As much as I was too much Lynn, you were more, more, more, more too much. So we have just really been enjoying each other and have always wanted to work together. So you're gonna hear more about that as we go through the podcast, but just like I do with all of my guests, and I do wanna say this, like me, Lynn is also 55.

So we are the age of being grandmothers, but Lynn also is not yet a grandmother. 

Lynn Layfield: No, not yet. 

Okay. So Lynn, tell me about your ADHD journey and introduce yourself too. Well, my name is Lynn Layfield and like she mentioned, we've been friends for a very, very long time. Of course, she met me when I was being very loud at University of Florida, so it, hasn't stopped since then.

But I will say that I think. I knew all along something was quite different with me because when I was growing up, I was in a lot of dance recitals and as much as my mom tried to keep all my dance costumes together, it would never fail. Even when we'd get there to perform, I would lose like one glove or one piece of my costume, no matter how much my mom put those things together.

And then when I had children, they were doing the same. And all of a sudden I was at a pediatric visit where they were asking my son questions and I thought to myself, yes, I answer all the same answers as my child. Oh my God, that's me. that is me. And so I immediately started saying yes.

this is who I am. This is a part of me. I still say it's my superpower because you know that super creativity and everything I really enjoy. And then when you work with somebody that also has it, wow. Our energy levels are really great. I think if someone else was in the room, they might not be able to handle the both of us together.

But when we are going, it is so much fun. So today been one of those days. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. And I will say, so Lynn is visiting me from Florida. I brought her in becauseI'm not good at technology and if you've listened to my podcast before you know that that is one of my struggles.

and you've also heard me say that. I am not gonna do life on hard mode. So the podcast production and the other parts of my business where I offer great customer service, the technology behind it is definitely not working for us. So I brought Lynn in to help with that, but I also brought Lynn in to help with the membership that you've heard me talking about.

Throughout. I'm gonna have to take a pause because the squirrel is going off. Benji. For those of you who have listened to the podcast, you know that Benji has figured out where my podcast spot is and when the light goes on, Benji has figured out that he can sit there and manipulate me for treats.

And so I feed him treats along through the podcast. every once in a while, he'll eat something, it'll get stuck in his mouth and he'll start to cry. Oh, and so Lynn, I'm gonna walk away and I'm gonna let you. Host the podcast for a couple minutes while I walk away and take care of Benjamin. Nothing like being on the spot, right, Lynn?

no problem. So I'm gonna talk about why somebody with ADHD is actually really good at technology and I think it is one of my coping mechanisms and I use technology and databases and it makes me feel very organized and it. Reminds me when I need to do things. And I do feel like that is what I have discovered over the years that I can be hyper-focused.

Lynn Layfield: I enjoy technology. Unlike Jami. I actually enjoy it, but I also enjoy it for the fact of it just. Makes me feel so organized. I know where everything is. I can always find it. I can hyperfocus on it. I can make what I say, software sing. So that is one of the reasons why I am her ADHD technology friend.

I notice that when I start to talk technology with Jami. That is not her thing. My eyes glaze over. Yes, your eyes definitely glaze over, but then afterwards, you're so happy when everything is in its place. 

Jami Shapiro: And if you've listened, you've also heard me say, if you meet one person with ADHD, how many people do you meet, Lynn?

Just one. Because we all share some commonalities and we have a lot of things that are not the same. And so definitely finding your tribe and your balance is important, and that is why I am ridiculously excited to finally be able to share the membership that I have been wanting. To talk about.

And we're gonna kind of get into some of the details with you and let you know, and we're gonna be very transparent. We know the what, and we sort of know the how, but we're working on some of the granular levels. But we're gonna give you some idea of what this is about and why. And I think it's going to be game changing for those of us over 50 who are coming to the ADHD conversation later in life.

But before we do that, we're going to take a pause because as you know, I like to. Put those sponsors in that is sponsored by my company, Silver Linings Transitions. And I do want to say that we are a senior and specialty move management company in San Diego. And we are a member of a larger organization called NASMM, and that's.

NASMM.org I'm act. And so that means that the services that we provide in the San Diego and Coachella Valley area are something that you can find with other people who are associated with my organization. I always like to put a plugin for that because most people don't know that this exists. And it's really, really critical for people with ADHD because what move managers do is handle all the logistics of someone's move.

Where, you know, people with ADHD struggle with prioritizing tasks to accomplishing, you know, multi-step things. Planning and moving isn't fun for anybody. So I would just encourage you that if you or someone you know is looking to move or you just need some home organizing or some downsizing help you can find a member of NASMM that's N-A-S-M-M.org.

And I'm actually proud to have just been elected the vice president of that organization. So that's one message that you're gonna hear. So, of course, because I don't have any commercials, I have to keep the lights on somehow and keep Benji treats going. And then you're gonna hear a commercial about the membership.

So we're gonna take a pause. I am just like, always I'm gonna ask you that if you are enjoying this content, if you would like it subscribe to it, share it with your friends. Because it tends to be that if we have ADHD, even though we didn't know it, we'll end up starting to look around and realize how many of our friends have it too, because they're really the only ones who get us.

So, and then we're gonna come back. I'm also gonna ask Lynn the button, and I wanna say this about the button question. Lynn, one of my very best friends, has never listened to my podcast. I don't wanna say never, never listen to my podcast. So we're gonna take a pause and we're gonna ask Lynn the button question.

She doesn't even know about it, so, all right.

 

You know that feeling when Monday rolls around and you have all the plans, but by Tuesday you're already behind. Yeah, me too. That's the ADHD brain doing its thing. I'm Jamie Shapiro and I'm launching something I Wish had existed when I first discovered my ADHD. Grandma has ADHD a membership community.

For women who found out later in life that they have ADHD and have spent way too long feeling like they don't quite fit in. Here's the thing, going it alone doesn't work for ADHD brains. We need accountability without judgment. We need people who get it. We need structure that actually sticks. That's why I'm kicking things off with Monday Momentum and make it happen.

Sessions one year of ADHD coaching followed by body doubling where we actually do the things together. No more lonely to-do lists. No more starting strong and fading by Wednesday. If you join the founder circle, you'll lock in this low rate for life as long as you keep your yearly membership. Plus, you'll get quarterly private sessions with just me and the other founders as we build this community together.

This isn't just another membership created to take your money. This is the support system we've been looking for. Head to Jami shapiro.me to add your name to the interest list. Let's stop going it alone. That's Jami Shapiro. J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me.

 

Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world.

If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4.

That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com.

 

Jami Shapiro: Okay, so Lynn, here's the button question. If you could press a button and you never had ADHD, you were not born with it, you don't have it and you won't have it in the future, would you press the button? Absolutely not. Nice. 

Lynn Layfield: No. It's made my life so interesting, all the different streets and roads.

I've been on different jobs and opportunities I've had. People that I've met because all of a sudden my interest went squirrel. And then I went to the right. I met some people. My improv people, if you're out there, improv is one of my latest squirrel things that I do. It's like improv comedy.

Improv comedy, right? Mm-hmm. So I'm heads down on technology during the day. Sometimes that could be very singular, focused by myself, but then when I'm ready to be super extroverted and be with my people and improv people and fast thinking and creativity that has been my latest thing In addition.

To coming here to California and being with you. Mm-hmm. 

Jami Shapiro: And I will put a plugin for improv comedy. I've led some improv comedy workshops here in the San Diego area. We also did it at the ADHD conference. And improv comedy is great for so many reasons. It's good for our mental health. we think quickly on our feet.

it's an opportunity to expand those, what are the neuro, I can't think of the word right now, but neuroplasticity. And anyway, so now I wanna get to one of the other big reasons that Lynn is here and that is to talk about the membership and why the membership. And so you are going to be hearing this just before Christmas and probably after Hanukkah.

So if you are like me and you struggle with. What to get your family members. I know like for my mom who, and I've shared this on the podcast there's nothing that I feel like I could buy her that she hasn't bought for herself or doesn't have five of. I mean, she still has so many things that are in the package and that's part of the why of the membership community.

So basically when you have ADHD because you are deficient in dopamine, then you will go out and you will go seek dopamine. Through other ways. And for Lynn, she drinks diet Coke constantly. That's like her adult Ritalin. But it might be impulsive spending, it might be impulsive eating, it could be gambling, it could be addiction issues.

Definitely speaking without thinking, we both lack the filter. 

Lynn Layfield: Yeah, I have that one. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. Oh, I know you have that one. Thank you for having that one. It's just created a safe space for me. but one of the things, well, lots of things that, we're building around the membership is this self-acceptance piece, this understanding of ADHD and its impact on our lives.

Because if you've read my book this explains so much, which you can find on Amazon. Then you'll understand that ADHD isn't just. About a hyperactive brain or a brain that's always going, or a hyperactive body or like in my case, both. I think you probably are both too. Lynn, would you say, 

Lynn Layfield: when I was reading your book, I was like, maybe I'm not both, maybe I'm more on the.

The, inattentive. Yeah. 

Jami Shapiro: She kept up with me. We have had so much fun. We've been going, going, going, and she's kept up. But I digressed. You just saw a squirrel moment. within the, ADHD space, it impacts so many areas of your life. Like even one of the things that you wouldn't even consider is a lot of us don't like to talk on the phone.

We have phone anxiety. That's partly because we're in the middle of doing something and then we have to stop what we're doing and we have to. move our focus, which is really hard. We don't do well with transitions, and that's a transition, but also we don't like small talk. And so that's the phone.

And then for me, there's the rejection sensitivity that factors in, but I would never have known that that was an ADHD thing. A lot of people struggle with time. Definitely the clutter and that I'm, again, one person with ADHD, one person with ADHD, but a lot of people with ADHD do have a lot of clutter.

And that can be very, very overwhelming. But more than that, actually clutter contributes to our cortisol levels and cortisol levels can cause a lot of health issues. And actually, there was a study, and I'm not gonna quote it because I, I just one of those Facebook things, but it did make sense to me and I'll tell you why.

That women struggle with the stress of clutter more than men do. It raises their cortisol more, and I would say that that is probably true because women tend to take on the role of running the household. And how the children are doing is a reflection on the woman. Whether or not 

There is another co-parent and whether or not the woman is working, we just, we take on the lion's share. So we feel that sense of responsibility and it's definitely something I've talked about in my own experience when I had young children and did not know I had ADHD and couldn't keep it together 

Lynn Layfield: Losing so many permission slips. I always felt so bad. There were times where if my son had a permission slip, I wouldn't even leave the parking lot. I would just go ahead and sign it and get back in the car line because I was so worried that my child, the day would come up and he wouldn't be able to go on the trip because I forgot to sign it.

Or with my child, he forgot to turn it in after I signed it. So yeah, it can have a lot of impacts. 

Jami Shapiro: I missed parent teacher conferences. Oh yeah. I think I'm guilty. Oh yeah. I think I'm guilty of that one too. and my ADHD children would literally put something in front of me as they were rushing out the door, knowing we didn't have time for me to read it.

So who knows what I signed. Right, 

Lynn Layfield: right. 

Jami Shapiro: But we took on the lion's share of that, and now we're, a lot of us are coming to this. Oh, it's been ADHD and you know, if you've heard this podcast and you've heard my mom and I speak, I would highly recommend that you go back to that episode, I think it was episode 50 that's one of them.

and then she was the original grandma, I think might have been episode three or four, somewhere in there. But the impact on her life and our relationship, it's been significant and this discovery has absolutely, and Lynn can speak to that. She's known me and seen my journey with my mom.

And I don't think either of us ever expected that I would feel the way that I do about my mom.

Lynn Layfield: Yeah. Very, very happy about that. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. And so the, the membership community is about helping people heal relationships, helping people feel better about themselves tackling the clutter helping with all the crafts because, I mean, and this is one of the ways that you're gonna save a ton of money in this community, and that is because 

We crave novelty. We will go out and buy everything that we need to take on this new project that we are convinced we're gonna do. Because we have this image of ourselves being, I'm gonna be the Martha Stewart, or we see ourselves in a way that we aren't. And there's a lot of issues with self-acceptance.

But what happens, and I am guilty of this myself, as we go, we buy all the craft supplies gung-ho, ready to start, and then as soon as we lose interest or get discouraged, we move on to the next thing. But we've just accumulated all those craft. 

Lynn Layfield: Oh, oh, can I name a few? Yes, please. That just even happened on the way flying over here.

Like, while I was sitting in the airport, things that I was Googling. So you know, we're one of those people that we just throw our wine corks into sort of, you know, a glass jar. And I was like, oh, because we're gonna do all these crafts with all these wine corks and like some of our beer tops and stuff like that.

And so. On the way over here, when I was in layover, I was looking at all these like great things that you can make out of it. But then I remembered. From last year, I have unpainted bird houses, so I have unpainted bird houses. I now have this huge jar of all these corks we've been gathering for this super project that I'm going to do.

And then I also have the bottle caps. Mm-hmm. And I can't even tell you how many different types of. Paints I have, oh, I have paints for bird houses, but then I have like watercolors and I have other ones. Mm-hmm. So I always, and especially around Christmas time, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna make some like homemade crafts or I'm gonna do like little craft project and instead that gets moved to next year and the next year and I don't think I should be buying any sort of more crafts.

Mm-hmm. I think I probably have a Michael's at my house. 

Jami Shapiro: is that we're gonna stop the cycle of Impulsive purchases and we're gonna provide a platform for you to be able to swap so that your thing that you got bored of is now going to be someone else's treasure.

We're gonna save money joining the membership. So we're gonna have a couple different ways that this is gonna work. We're going to have a monthly subscription. We're gonna have a founder circle. Which is gonna be a low, you're gonna be locked in for this price, and you're gonna have a weekly session monthly accountability and access to resources.

And then we're gonna have one that's got a little more accountability, a little more time with me, questions and answers. And so we're going to direct you to the Jami shapiro.me website because if you know anything about ADHD, it's a very much fly by the seat of your pants. Our goal is to be up and running in January for the new year.

So that gives us a little more time to stretch it to the deadline, and you guys probably know that too, that we need those deadlines to get things done. Just like. I got that book written in three months because I declared publicly that it was gonna go out on October 1st. So I promise you this, there will be a membership that you can join.

We just haven't worked out all of the details, but we are so excited. We've been strategizing and, you know, that's one of the wonderful things that comes with synergy. And you get two people with ADHD together who have completely different talents and watch what we can accomplish. 

Lynn Layfield: With the technology, it's gonna be easy to join, easy to be a part of. You don't have to learn something that's so super complicated. It's gonna be right there because it is being literally designed by an ADHD technologist. I look at everything of how I can just simplify. And of course, Jami has all the coachingand all the experience and all the years of seeing.

The, you know, as this move with silver linings transitions mm-hmm. I mean, you have learned and you've seen this pattern over time, and we really wanna make sure that we don't leave our children with any clutter. And we teach our children because this is hereditary. Mm-hmm. That we are thriving.

We are. Mm-hmm. And so 

Jami Shapiro: we're pretty sure the name's gonna have the word sparkle in it. Yeah. And if you know anything about me or you've seen any of my pictures, there's always a magic wand. Actually, grab this right there. Okay. That's my magic wand. Oh, look at that. It is my magic wand.

This one's losing its juice. But the tagline for silver linings transitions is making moves magical. So whenever I go out and network, I always have the wand. So people notice that. But I also love the word sparkle because there's a, a term that I use in my ADHD coaching called Sparkle Lies, and that is when you add something.

Fun to a task that you're already doing to make it more exciting. So the word sparkle is definitely gonna be in there. So you, can definitely count on that. And we're gonna be doing gamification because, we're gonna have accountability because people with ADHD, we need that handholding.

We need that person to work alongside of us, to keep us motivated. We need someone to break down those tasks and we're gonna be so lucky that. We wanna make onboarding as easy as possible. So if you are struggling, you're gonna have Lynn as your help desk and we're gonna get you onboarded. So, I know we're throwing a lot at you, but you probably can sense the energy and the enthusiasm.

But I'm also gonna give you another confession. Lynn's getting on an airplane tomorrow morning and I have to go to an event. And so we're squeezing this in because I said, Lynn, we have to do this together. So we're probably a little even faster than we normally would be, and I'm sure you will be hearing way more about it.

But please go to Jami Shapiro. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me. There will be a button or a landing page or something. Right now if you were to go there, you would see that I had done the Black Friday workshop and then I had to do the Black Friday workshop again because I didn't. hit the record button correctly, speaking of technology.

And so I wasn't there. So yeah, everybody who wanted the replay or who paid for it and didn't get it it was missed. So we're gonna actually put that on the membership page. There's a lot of the other content that I've been creating, both as a senior move manager just speaking about downsizing, decluttering, and organizing.

By the way, I started, even before I knew that I had ADHD. Mm-hmm. So there's gonna be a lot of great information, but most importantly, there's gonna be a community of people who get you where you can take off the mask or as I like to say in my book, take off the girdle and and just be exactly who you are.

I think the word thrive is gonna be in there too, because it's not just about living, but it's about thriving. Truly making the rest of your life the best of your life, which is how I always end the podcast. So Lynn, do you have anything else to say? 

Lynn Layfield: Well, you just said the line that I like the most, making the rest of your life the best of your life.

And it's interesting, I think we had this conversation the other day. You said what were your best years? I was like. Well, they're now and forward. I've learned so much, but it never ends. We always just keep learning and there's so many things to learn from your experience and the idea of learning from a community mm-hmm.

And helping each other. I really like that. Mm-hmm. 

Jami Shapiro: and we are, you know, when I say that, when people would say, why are you getting into this ADHD space in seniors? Why does it matter? Please tell me that you don't think that your life matters, and that there's any point in your life that you don't want to continue to grow.

Mm-hmm. Or live your best life. Right. At what point do you just wanna sit and say, oh, I'm done. Nothing else here for me. 

Lynn Layfield: Right. I mean, I wanna learn a language. There's so many things I wanna do, but I will tell you, no language for me This to me, you know, with my latest thing with improv.

This is a yes and, and this is a yes and to yourself. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. It's a yes and to yourself. 

Jami Shapiro: And one more thing I wanna say, 'cause you know, we've always got those parentheses. when we're trying to figure out pricing. What is the cost of having ADHD?

There is a term, and I use it in the book called the ADHD tax, and here's a perfect example of an ADHD tax. This is probably one that anyone who's listening can probably identify with, and that is the expired food that you forget that you have because we're out of sight and we don't plan well.

I know for me, my boyfriend just had a birthday and I didn't get on it in time, and I had to pay a rush fee to get his gift right, or it's the package that I forgot to return and now I can't return it because I've missed the. Window. You know, if you've seen my website, the Dead Plants, now I can't, I can't promise we're saving any plants.

Lemme just be honest about that. But we're going to be creating awareness and structures, and we're gonna work together to come up with the best scaffolding to really make life. Easier. And that is, I don't think I said it in this podcast, but it's definitely become my new mantra, which is don't do life on hard mode.

And I have to my guest, Eliza, I cannot remember her last name, right. But she was one of my podcast guests and she said it and I'm like, oh, that's brilliant. so the membership is gonna be the easier button for life. 'cause life's not easy. We know that meets accountability, support, and laughter because.

We love to laugh, 

Lynn Layfield: yeah. I even think we can all talk about our lost items. Oh yeah, we can Contest. That is a big, that's a big task for that. That's my biggest tax is lost items. And what's interesting is after you lose them and then you go out and you replace them, you find them, and now you have five.

That's another ADHD tech. 

Jami Shapiro: we're gonna have to wrap this up 'cause I got another job to do. But thank you so much for listening. We cannot wait to have you join us on our community. We're gonna start the first Monday of January, which is gonna be January 5th, 10:00 AM in California, which will be one o'clock eastern time.

And look for more information on the Jami shapiro.me website. Thank you so much and happy holidays and I hope the new year is your best yet. And I can promise you this, if you join our community, I will guarantee that it's gonna be a whole lot better than it would've been. So here's to making the rest of your life, the best of your life, 

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