Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 68 - ADHD & Aging: Understanding Depression and Suicide Risk in Seniors

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 68

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What happens when ADHD goes undiagnosed or misunderstood for decades — especially in older adults, veterans, and first responders? In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Jami sits down with Stephen Wright, a U.S. Army veteran, law enforcement professional, suicide prevention advocate, and fellow ADHDer, to explore the emotional, mental, and life-changing realities of living with ADHD after 50.

Stephen opens up about his own ADHD journey, the frustration of a late diagnosis, the grief of “what could have been,” and why so many older adults mask their struggles behind resilience, productivity, and strength. Together, they unpack how untreated ADHD can fuel anxiety, depression, overwhelm, disorganization, emotional exhaustion, and even suicidality — especially in seniors, veterans, and caregivers who often minimize their pain or struggle to access support.

This episode is honest, compassionate, and incredibly validating. If you or someone you love is navigating ADHD, mental health challenges, or late-in-life diagnosis, this conversation is a reminder that you are not alone, support exists, and understanding your brain can truly change everything.

Disclaimer: This episode discusses ADHD, mental health, anxiety, depression, and suicide. It is intended for education, awareness, and support only and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or mental health care. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis, treatment, or any medical questions.

If you or someone you love is experiencing emotional distress or suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately.
 📞 U.S.: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).

If you are outside the U.S., please contact your local emergency number or suicide prevention service.

You are not alone. Help is available.

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Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter.

Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community.

Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story.

I am so happy to be welcoming Stephen Wright to the grandma has ADHD podcast. It's going to be a harder conversation than we normally would have, but definitely one that I think is really, really critical to older adults and especially older adults who may have ADHD. So Stephen Wright brings nearly two decades of experience spanning military leadership, law enforcement, and veteran advocacy, a former US Army leader and certified law enforcement officer.

He now serves on the National Advisory Committee for Military Veteran Education with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and is a certified. Applied suicide intervention skills training instructor as co-founder of Sea Air Land Technologies. Stephen advises law enforcement drone programs nationwide.

he does virtual suicide loss bereavement support group for veterans first responders and their families. And I know I butchered it, Stephen, so I'm gonna rely on you, but I also wanna introduce the audience to how you and I.

Came into this conversation. So we are both in the San Diego area and we both work with seniors. As those of you who've listened to my podcast before, know that I am the founder of Silver Linings Transitions, and we do move management and home organization for seniors, but anybody who really needs us in the San Diego area.

And Stephen works for Heritage Home Care, which is a home care company in San Diego. And I'll let you talk a little bit about that too. But we met at a networking event, and for anybody who knows me or listened to my podcast long enough, you know that ADHD is probably the second word out of my mouth when someone meets me.

And Steve and I got into the ADHD conversation. We discovered that we both had ADHD, and then that morphed Into a conversation about mental health and suicide, and I just felt like it was really an important conversation for us to have on the Grandma has ADHD podcast, so that's a lot to unpack.

Welcome, Stephen, and thank you. Thank you for your service, and thank you for the work that you're doing on this really, really critical topic. 

Stephen Wright: Yeah. No, absolutely. Thank you for having me on the podcast. I think it's an honor anytime somebody asks me to come on and talk to 'em about the line of work that I'm in.

Jami Shapiro: Yeah. Great. so by the way, Stephen is not a grandmother. 

But I always like to ask a little bit about people's ADHD journey because I think it helps those of us who are coming to this conversation late to relate to how it showed up in your life before we get into like, the serious stuff, but more playful or if it is playful, sometimes it's not.

Stephen Wright: Yeah. So, oh. My discovery with ADHD I was not happy when I found out about it. I was maybe 22, 23 years old. I can't remember exactly. But I do know it was in 2011. 

 

active duty orders for the Army and I was at Fort Mead Maryland, going to the Defense Information School.

I was taking their broadcast combat correspondent course. Basically I was gonna learn how to be a journalist and a media liaison in combat operations. I remember I was taking a class on how to edit video and I was getting extremely frustrated with the program because I couldn't remember exactly how to use a mouse on a certain program.

I was about to destroy some computer monitors. And the senior instructor, he was a Navy guy came over to me and he's like, Hey man, let's go talk outside real quick. You know, I figured he was gonna tell me to calm down and. relax a little. And he was like, Hey, you know, your scores coming into this school were really high because you had to test before you could even go to the school.

I think you just have ADHD. And I was infuriated by that. I was like, there's nothing wrong with me. How dare you? You're not a licensed psychiatrist. And he was like, no man, you're going to take the rest of the day off. You're gonna go to base behavioral health. You're gonna tell them what I told you and you're gonna seek a consult for psychiatry.

Well, orders being orders, I couldn't tell a guy that outranked me. No. So I went to a psychiatry. They immediately wrote a consult for me to go off the installation to a civilian provider. Had like a four hour long meeting with this individual. And sure enough came back with a diagnosis of ADHD.

Mm-hmm. 

And. I was kind of like in disbelief. I was kind of disappointed. I was like, wow, there's something wrong with me. I never knew this. And you know, out of curiosity, I reached out to my mom and I was like, Hey, you know, did I ever have any of this, like as a child, you know? And she wound up telling me, she's like, well, we got you tested when you were in the eighth grade.

And they said that you did have ADHD. But we decided to not treat it. Hmm. And I remember being even more mad mm-hmm. That the diagnosis was withheld from me. Treatment options were withheld from me and I was just really confused. I didn't know what to think. You know, I thought my whole life had been a lie.

Maybe things for me could have been better in life had I known about this and been treated for it a long time ago. 

Mm-hmm. 

Nonetheless, that was my ADHD journey. Finding out that I had it, I was at a military school for the Army when I finally received the diagnosis. 

Jami Shapiro: Okay. Well, you know what, I have to say that one of the things that I'm discovering as I'm doing this podcast is there are, especially 'cause my audience is older adults.

I say 50 because I'm 55, but it's really a little bit older than that. And there's a lot of grief in, in that. Like what, what could have been, what, you know, what might have been if I had known. So I imagine that that was exactly what you were going through. And again, because we've stigmatized it by putting the word disorder in there versus brain wiring, you know, just a different way of looking at things.

But I have to say, first of all, I'm really impressed that that Navy officer could identify it because there's so many people walking around, and you and I talked about this, that 80% of people who have ADHD have no idea that they have ADHD. I mean, it's, it's just crazy. And then it does explain so much when you get that diagnosis 

Okay. So I, I wanted to have you on, and this is gonna be a sensitive subject, but people with ADHD tend to struggle with anxiety and depression. And I've heard that sometimes the anxiety and depression are symptoms of ADHD, but if we were treating the ADHD, maybe the anxiety and depression would actually be better.

SoI really, especially with you doing suicide prevention and knowing that mental health plays such a role in that, I kind of wanted to hear what you had to say about that. 

Stephen Wright: So in terms of, I guess you could say anxiety or depression showing up and or presenting, you know, in people that have ADHD I do find that to be intriguing, butI also find that to kind of be the cure for the issue too, if that makes any sense.

Mind you, I'm not a licensed physician or anything like that. I can really just speak on my experiences. But I would say not treating it or having treatment options for it. 'cause you know, there's ways you can treat it. You can use stimulant medication. There's different types of therapies.

Mm-hmm. But I would say one of the bigger things is to understanding, you know, how to combat anxiety and depression in individuals with ADHD. I think it is incumbent on the person that has the ADHD to really understand that about themselves. 

Mm-hmm. 

The more you understand yourself mm-hmm. And the more you understand your limitations mm-hmm.

The more capable you are of overcoming those limitations. And it's those limitations that lead you down the road of anxiety and, and to ultimately depression at times. A lot of things for people with ADHD can just feel so overwhelming. Mm-hmm. Which causes a lot of the anxiety feeling. Mm-hmm. And then you have detachment or disassociation involved in that because the people don't wanna feel that way, so they kind of force themselves to not feel so anxious.

Which sadly, unfortunately, a lot of times moves them to feel, you know, depressed, hopeless. Like there isn't help for them because nobody understands them and it's really hard for people to understand them because they don't really understand themselves first. To be able to express that to somebody that could help or could provide them with alternative, you know, solutions to overcoming their anxiety and depression caused by ADHD.

Jami Shapiro: I wanna also throw out there, so my mom has allowed me to speak openly about her anxiety and depression andwe didn't realize she had ADHD until she was 76 years old. and she's, definitely struggled to access care because there's not a lot available for. Older adults right now.

and that is also including physicians or psychiatrists that are treating ADHD in older adults. So, you know, the awareness is important, but then what, because, you know, again, they're having such a hard time accessing care. 

Stephen Wright: Well, so I think one of the issues is, you know, the intersectionality of ADHD depression, even suicidality.

A lot of times it's missed and I think a lot of that comes from just a cumulative strain, you know decades of inconsistent follow through. Mm-hmm. Disorganization. Mm-hmm. And even criticism, you know, can harden into like a learned helplessness. Hmm. And grief over a lost potential. You know, something I exhibited very early on when I first discovered I had that diagnosis, I was kind ofin my own little brain like, oh my God.

Like, what could I be now if this is treated? You know, like, what, what has happened here? You know? And additionally, there's, you know, The masking of it and the culture. So, you know, many seniors especially veterans tend to minimize the distress. Mm-hmm. They tend to present as being fine and they just like to keep the conversations practical.

So, you know, the despair kind of hides under stoicism. They're trying to face as being just fine and it's, it's really not, you know, and on top of that, we've got other transitional factors like life transitions, you know, retirement bereavement, health losses. Things that lead to, you know, like a reduced income strip, you know, their structure and their purpose.

And for an ADHD brain that relies on external scaffolding, you know, that's kind of like high risk terrain. So I guess the bottom line is, you know, untreated ADHD kind of compounds, isolation and demoralization. Hundred percent. When, you know, when structure and purpose kind of fall away 

mm-hmm.

Risk rises and it often looks like they're just getting older when in fact that's not the case at all. 

Jami Shapiro: Do you know, one of the things that I've learned as a result of doing this podcast and something I did not realize, is that when you have ADHD, a lot of times you need to verbally process with another person.

So bounce ideas off of them and kind of just like figure out, you know, problems that you have or even what your day's gonna look like. During COVID, a lot of people who lost that structure in their lives discovered that they had ADHD and I think that's also what's happening with older adults who are retiring or maybe have less responsibility.

You know, they don't have kids in the house anymore and maybe they don't have a partner. We also have higher divorce rates and I think they also lose the connection with another person that can be that sounding board, which just something I wanna bring to your attention and our audience as well.

Stephen Wright: Yeah, absolutely. 

Jami Shapiro: And I agree with you. My father is a veteran he's also a silent gen and they definitely, you know, whether you were in the military or not, that is a group of people who generally didn't like to talk about problems. And I hope I'm not stepping on any toes, but I don't think our military is addressing the mental health.

Crisis, especially among veterans who take on a great deal of stress and come from this nurturing community it's become your culture and it's become your family, and then all of a sudden you're done and you're dumped out there.

and also not to mention the things that you had to go through, if you served, in a combative situation. 

Stephen Wright: No, I completely agree. So I served 15 years in the Army. I didn't have just the most fantastic transition from military life to civilian life. I wasn't greeted with all these brochures of help.

A lot of people call it like an exit interview kind of type of thing. I afforded all of that. I was given a bunch of documents, said, are you sure you want to get out? And that was pretty much it. I didn't really receive like a benefits fair of here's all the help available to you.

I didn't receive any training on, hey, we forced you to think like A, B, and C for so long. But in reality, in the civilian world, you know, A, B and C might help you some, but d, e and F is probably gonna hold you back. So here's how you apply all of that. To create X, Y, and Z. 

Mm-hmm. 

So when I say I agree that the military isn't doing enough to address. The mental health crisis, I wholeheartedly agree based on my experience, not just with myself, but as a law enforcement officer dealing with current service members and veteranssitting on national boards dealing with mental health.

I see from several veterans, the transitional issues that they have coming from the Department of Defense or Department of War into the civilian workforce and civilian lifestyle. 

Jami Shapiro: Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. We're gonna take a pause and I wanna ask you a couple other questions 'cause I do wanna cover, you know, suicide prevention and, and get into the meat of that with you.

But I'm also gonna give you a fun question. Okay. So where you come up I don't know if you've listened to the podcast before, but I stole this idea from pen Holderness. I cannot take credit. But I always ask our guest. To have ADHD if they could press a button and it would go away. They never have had it.

They never will have it. They didn't have it. It's gone. Poof. Would you press that button? So we're going to take a pause to hear a word. A little bit more about my book, which I'll just show you here, Stephen. It's called, this Explains so much because when you understand that you've had ADHD your whole life, it does like.

You kind of can connect dots that you could never connect. So I've got a couple words coming to those of you who are listening, so I appreciate you doing that. We're gonna pause, I'm gonna take a sip of water and we're gonna come back with Stephen Wright.

 

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Jami Shapiro: We are back with Stephen Wright. I had my sip of water.

He has not answered the button question for me 'cause I always like to hear it spontaneously. And before he answers that question, I just want to encourage you that if you know someone who may be impacted by ADHD or it's you, but you want your family members to understand I would really, really, appreciate it if you would share the podcast with them. Like it, subscribe to it and please give it a review so that more people can find it. Because really we have a lot of people who are walking around unaware with ADHD and it answers so many of those questions that you didn't even know you had.

But okay. We're back with Stephen Wright. Okay, Stephen, the button question, if you could press a button and never have had ADHD, never have it again, would you press it? 

Stephen Wright: That's a really tough question because I feel like it's who I am. So in short, no, I don't think I would get rid of it. ADHD has absolutely challenged me, yes.

But I do believe that it has shaped every meaningful part of who I have become. You know, it kind of forced me to develop. Grit and adaptability. And self-awareness through trial by fire. 

And, you know, without it, I feel like I might've been more conventional and maybe more predictable.

I don't believe I would've been nearly as resourceful or. Innovative and certainly not as resilient as I am now. So, you know I believe my ADHD has kind of pushed me to create structure where there was none. And build systems, kind of like my own personal command post framework that, includes like an end of day brief.

Like, Hey, what did I get done? You know, and things to kind of help me navigate through all this chaos, which is kind of why I believe I excel exceptionally in high pressure roles, you know, where I thrive under adrenaline. And I kind of lead both withurgency And empathy.

Something that I believe has truly helped my efforts in suicide prevention and suicide intervention. So you know, the same brain that once frustrated me now kind of fuels my ability to deeply engage think unconventionally and connect with others. You know, and I believe if I press that button, I might gain a little peace.

But I think I'd also lose, you know, that edge that makes me effective and creative and human in the ways that I believe matters. You know, the absolute most I've kind of built my entire system around this wiring. And I don't know that I would trade that for anything. 

Jami Shapiro: I, first of all, I have to tell you of every guest that I've ever had, the way that you described it, it was like a check, check, check, check, resilience being, you know, able to think quickly.

You missed one that totally applies to what you do and that's that we have a very strong sense of social justice. We believe that the world should be fair and we wanna do our part to make that happen. And you're definitely exemplifying that. I'm gonna go off course for a second before we go to the questions, 'cause I have been.

Really wanting to ask somebody in the military this question. I have heard that the military may draw more people with ADHDthan the typical society. For a lot of those reasons, but also because we crave structure, yet we're really not good at setting that up. And the military is nothing if it's not structured.

What is your take on that? 

Stephen Wright: That's very deep. And I, I don't wanna answer that question with any injustice. I do say that makes a lot of sense. There are a lot of people that I know personally that have ADHD that I serve right alongside a lot of my former colleagues have it.

So I would say yes, I do believe that service kind of gave them a structure. 

Mm-hmm.

But aside from that, you know, a lot of people with ADHD tend to be very high functioning intellects, 

Jami Shapiro: of course.

Stephen Wright: And they're certainly the more our conversation, 

Jami Shapiro: listen to our conversation like, 

Stephen Wright: you know. So with people that have ADHD, I would say I found including myself to be some of those service members that serve in pretty unconventional out of the box roles in the military.

Mm-hmm. 

as an enlisted man I did public affairs at a division level asset. in layman terms I was down here on a totem pole. But I was placed in positions way up here on the totem pole because of my job in the military, and it was that of a creator and a thinker. Mm-hmm. Working with psychological operations teams, civil affairs teams handling media engagement and the public constantly having a change in the day to day.

So while there is that structure from the military, you're also allowed to be very unstructured. Or pragmatic in the way that you operate because you don't have the standard wake up at this time, do this, do this, do this. Every day is different for a lot of those serving in the military that do have ADHD, because they tend to find themselves in pretty highly specialized roles.

Jami Shapiro: Wow. That is fascinating. Okay, I'm gonna take our conversation back 'cause I wanna make sure that we get to it. I try to be cognizant of our ADHD brains can only take so much before we get bored and we move on to the next thing. And I think this is really important. And then of course I do wanna just talk about what you do with Heritage Home Care.

So I'm gonna give you the questions that you, 'cause I ask my guests to provide questions for me. And so the question is, how does ADHD in older adults. Intersect with depression or suicidal thoughts. And why might these warning signs often go unnoticed? 

Stephen Wright: Okay, so simple. I kind of touched on that a little bit earlier, but I'll break it down in a more concise manner here.

I think a lot of it is missed. Because when you look at the intersection of ADHD depression and suicidal ideation suicidality in older adultsthere's this cumulative strain withinconsistent follow through. The disorganization and criticism molds itself into a learned helplessness.

And that alone airs to itself an elevated risk of depression. On top of that, you've got late or underdiagnosed diagnoses. So symptoms kind of get mislabeled as normal aging. Or mild cognitive change. I'm sure that's a term we've heard a lot with an aging population.

So core ADHD drivers, right? Inattention rejection sensitivity, and executive dysfunction. Because there's a hundred different ways we could say, oh, this is just, related to normal aging or maybe a mild cognitive change, the onset of something different when in all reality it's just an overlooked and extremely underdiagnosed issue of ADHD.

On top of that, life transitions, I think when people are transitioning like, retirement. moving into assisted living or independent living. Moving back in witha younger family member some sort of caretaker that tends to strip that individual's purpose.

And the structure that they already had developed. So once you strip away any structure that they already have, you can kind of see that maybe come out a bit more. The ADHD tends to present itself a bit more, but that also lends to itself being misdiagnosed again as just a cognitive change, a social change in their life.

So ultimately, you know between isolation and demoralization. When you kind of take away, or it starts to deteriorate naturally you know, their purpose the risk for suicidal ideation significantly increases. 

Jami Shapiro: Sure. I do wanna highlight for you one of the things about ADHD is that we don't do well with transitions either.

So when you, to your point, when you move from your home to a community or to live with adult children, you've just gone through a transition and, you know, a lot of people don't like transitions, but we, with ADHD, don't even like. You know, transitions within our own lives. Even like, I'm working on this right now, you want me to do something else or answer the phone?

That's a transition. So I do want to point that out. What makes suicide prevention in seniors more, you know, different from prevention in younger populations? 

Stephen Wright: Oh that's a really good question. So why is suicide prevention different in seniors? And I think a lot of that has to do with the role of connection, purpose, and structure.

Again, those are some of the three things that we'll talk about mostlyin terms of this prevention just in general is upstream, you know but with seniors, it's mainlythe routine face-to-face touchpoints, you know, like clubsfaith groups your VFWs, American Legion disabled American veterans.

You know those things kind of counter suicidal ideation. Just that sense of belonging. So something that younger people don't necessarily need nearly as much of is that connection, because we tend to have a lot of that in our day to day. We're out, you know, working in the field or we're dealing with people one-on-one.

A lot of seniors don't have that. So just kind of making sure that they're plugged into a networking group of some sort that meets on a consistent basis can help a lot, you know? And then. Purpose. 

I think a lot of these things I'm gonna touch on.

Sometimes you can see youth or younger adults needing, but these are certainly, big ticket items for the aging population. Again, purpose, you know, roles that matter like mentoring peer support, caregiving hours project ownership, those types of things. Kind of restore identity.

And agency to seniors. And that's something that's very critical for an aging mindset and an aging individual. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah, and I wanna highlight something because, you know, we are living, and this is one of my platforms, we're living in an anti-aging society. You know, the word is anti-age. Well, shouldn't we want to age?

And I think that what we have done is we've taken the role of, you know, elder, you know, in that. Spec that we had and we've, you know, put it aside. And I think that that makes it harder for seniors who have so much to contribute, because we may be slower as we age, but that doesn't mean we don't have the capacity and we push them aside.

So how do you fulfill your purpose? It's like a, it's a catch 22 right there. So again, that's a big part of my why and what I'm doing with this work. 

Stephen Wright: Certainly. And, you know, to kind of add to that. You know, I touched on prevention is upstream, right? So I think with seniors we need to focus less on the immediate crisis point that they might have.

Because in all honesty, when somebody is experiencing suicidal ideations, they're not listening a whole lot to. What anybody is saying to them, right? Mm-hmm. They're focused on this is the problem. and that's what a lot of people will come in and try to fix is what is this problem? But the bigger question is what led to that problem?

Right? And a lot of times we'll realize once we start to focus on the whole health of that individual is that we need to focus more on rebuilding. Their daily scaffolding, their daily structure that keeps this despair from even taking root in the first place. So yeah, I would. 

Jami Shapiro: I'm gonna throw one else at you that you may not have even considered.

And that is, and this is exactly what happened with me and my mom, that when you have a ADHD, you're emotionally dysregulated. There tends to be more conflict due to the rejection sensitivity. And I mean this, my mom and I were the poster children for this relationship, Not estranged because we were in each other's lives, but it was a very distant relationship and I'm my mom's only child and I know she really struggled with that relationship.

And I think that loneliness that sets in definitely doesn't help mental health. And now a, you know, ADHD runs in families. had we not discovered that my mom had ADHD and I started to understand its impact, I don't think we would've had relationship repair.

Yeah. So that's another really important thing, especially in suicide prevention, that we start to make peace in our families and understand the impact of ADHD. that's, you know, it's generational trauma and patterns. 

Stephen Wright: Yeah, absolutely. That's a thousand percent accurate. And I would present one last little bit of, how suicide prevention is a lot different, with seniors, especially those with ADHD, and that is.

sometimes people don't necessarily need structure. But as we know, people with ADHD certainly do need structure. Mm-hmm. Whether it's our own, self-created structure or it's a structure given to us. But I think something that we take for granted that could really help, the aging population with their suicidal ideations is simply adding some structure to their lives.

Like a fixed wake up time, you know? Medication routine. These are all things I currently have myself, and I'm only 37 years old. You know, meals activity blocks weekly plans to kind of stabilize their executive function, you know? Mm-hmm. and all that in turn is gonna help lower the overwhelm.

So I think ultimately when you cumulatively put all of these together, you have a fundamental operating principle of connection. Plus purpose plus structure mm-hmm. Equals all protective factors. You know, basically make them, make them visible, make them scheduled, and make them shared. 

Jami Shapiro: Okay. I think that was great.

And I think that sort of answered the question of what can communities, veteran groups or caregivers do to create safe more supportive spaces for older adults. So I do wanna just let you mention, you know, that I know you work for heritage Home Care. How do your, you know, home care providers are they trained in ADHD?

Do they know how to recognize it and how to work with people who may have these challenges? 

Stephen Wright: Oh, well, certainly you know, it's really not that difficult. A lot of times what'll happen is you'll have somebody like myself go in to do the initial intake or assessment on these individuals. And it's usually not just with them alone, it's usually with their children.

Particularly I would argue a lot of times it's gonna be the oldest daughter. And on that intake form, we ask them about their medical history and their psychiatric history. One of the things that we typically ask, is Hey, does this person have, Parkinson's Alzheimer's, dementia?

Schizophrenia and those you'd think are some of the more common questions, but one of the questions we ask at intake is, does this person have ADHD? Wow. Obviously, you know,we aren't clinicians ourselves. Or home care, not home health.So we we're not justified in making diagnoses.

But based on life experience, we can kind of understand what somebody may be experiencing. And a lot of times they might just be experiencing an undiagnosed issue such as ADHD. So we ask about that and an initial intake, and our caregivers know to kind of pick up on things and they relay, their notes to us as well.

So that we can help better inform either their home health team, maybe their hospice team or their primary care physician at some other facility whoever they have assigned to their psychiatric health as well. 

Jami Shapiro: Yeah, I would, I, I, I'm glad that you're asking, but I would say the majority of people who have parents wouldn't even recognize that their parent had ADHD especially if they were smokers, which is a whole other conversation.

But what I would recommend is that you ask if there's a family history, if there are any children or grandchildren with ADHD, and then take a look at the environment and see, you know, is there a lot of clutter, a lot of unfinished projects, which I know could be more common with seniors. Just generally because, you know, it gets harder to do things and their eyesight isn't as good and so they don't notice the clutter as much.

But I would just recommend, you know, with my work that, that be a question. 'cause a lot of people are, are gonna say no. I mean, if you had asked me four years ago if my mom had ADHD I'd say no because my mom could sit and read books for hours. And in my mind if you could sit still and read, you didn't have ADHD.

And my whole world has changed. Mm-hmm. So how can someone find you? Stephen, if they want to get in touch with you after this conversation. 

Stephen Wright: Oh, that's a fantastic question, and thank you for asking. So they can reach out to me via email. It's Stephen, S-T-E-P-H-E-N, at heritage senior care.com.

They can go to our website, heritage senior care.com, and they can call our office number and simply ask to talk to me and one of our kind staff members will certainly put 'em in touch with me. 

Jami Shapiro: Nice. Is there anything that I didn't ask? And I don't know about you, but like, I'll go to bed at night and then I'll be like, Ugh, and I'll, you know, go, I'll ruminate over whatever I didn't say or should have said, or wish I'd said anything.

I don't want you to not be able to sleep tonight because of this interview. Anything that I didn't ask that you wish that I had? 

Stephen Wright: Not really. I mean, I guess I would say two quick things. You know one is kind of gonna be like, what are some practical interventions that we could apply to help reduce suicidality mm-hmm.

And seniors. And then the other, I've got a list of resources for people if they want 'em. And I'll be more than happy to email these resources over to you so you can post them or whatever you please. But that would be great. I think just a quick few habits, you know, that we could help introduce to their lives, to reduce some of the stress, the overwhelm and suicidal ideations is, you know.

Have them make like their daily plan. You know, on paper, have 'em write down their priorities, their time blocks, you know, and keep it visible for them. You know, just one page, something visible and something simple, kind of like a daily routine that they can follow. Like, have I done this? Do I need to do this?

And kind of check the blocks, you know. Another thing is, you know, anywhere from 90 to 120 minutes, so an hour and a half to two hours of scheduled social contact. At a minimum weekly, you know, be it some kind of club, a class maybe they're volunteering somewhere whatever, you know, benefits, whatever they like the most.

And also make that, you know, on a calendar so they can see it. So that they know, Hey, I've got to do this, check this block, or whatever. Right? Movement before, I don't know, noon. So just getting up for like a five to 15 minute walk or some sort of like light resistance daily exercise. Can significantly strengthen their mood, you know, and I, I would also say, you know, they need to have some sleep guardrails, so like a fixed wake up time.

Try to reduce the amount of naps or the length of naps throughout the day because that tends to throw off our circadian rhythm to where we have sleepless nights and sleep deprivation is known to be one of the highest leading factors to suicidal risk. 

You know, and then medication and medical review.

Optimize, you know, their, their ADHD or depression anxiety. You know, sleep treatments with a clinician. If they're receiving medications, you know, A BAB, and C through doctor, one, but they're getting other medications, you know, d, e and F through doctor two, maybe have one doctor, you know, review all of those, to consolidate all of those, to make sure none of those are countering one another and negatively impacting, you know what, what we would consider to be a detriment to their, their overall health.

And then, you know, lastly I guess we could talk on some of the suicide prevention resources that are out there. You know, if, if anybody is having thoughts of immediate suicide, they can always dial 9, 8, 8 

So it's a three digit number, kind of like 9 1 1, but it's 9 8 8. It's a suicide prevention hotline.

If you're a veteran, press one. Also just a nice little plug to these people at 9, 8, 8. If you're a family member and you think maybe your mother or your grandfather is having suicidal thoughts, you yourself can call 9 8 8 and simply talk to these people to ask them like, Hey, how do I know if he's actually having suicidal thoughts or not?

You know? And just real quick, the best way to figure that out is to ask them directly and blunt. Are you thinking about harming yourself? Are you thinking about killing yourself? Are you thinking about suicide? And if you simply ask that question and don't interrupt, you would be surprised what they would come out and tell you.

Mm-hmm.

So 9 8, 8 is a fantastic resource, not just for those going through the crisis at that time, but for any friends or family members that may be concerned and want to learn how to help better. Also, you can go to samhsa. Dot gov they have under their communities profile something for older adults.

It talks about suicide prevention means and methods to try to negate suicidal risk in older citizens. And then the National Council on Aging. They have a really good article that was published, I believe in January of 2025. They'll give you a really good in-depth, detailed insight into suicide prevention in the older Americans.

And you can also go to Afs p that's the American Foundation for suicide prevention, afsp.org. they have a lot of tabs. You know, I need help. I'm looking for information. I'm looking for ways to get involved. I need bereavement counseling, and there's a plethora of resources listed there on that website as well.

Jami Shapiro: Wow. First of all, I'm blown away and I really want you to share these resources. The 9 8 8 is amazing. I had a child that was suicidal and I wish that I had known about that resource and it's so helpful to know that you can call as a family member or a concerned loved one. So thank you. And I just wanna put in a little plug that a lot of people don't know that a lot of people with semicolons right now.

Oh, and maybe that's how we got into this conversation. So yeah, two of my three kids have semicolons and that's, you know, there was a pause. And so that's a way to identify somebody who at one point either loved somebody who, maybe lost their life to suicide or has. Thought of suicide.

And so that's just a way to open up a conversation with people too. So I just wanted to put that plugin. This has been amazing and I even for me just to have learned what I learned and I loved a lot of the guardrails that you talked about. I'm gonna throw one more at you that I just recently have come across being significant for.

Better sleep. And that's weighted blankets actually. They have found that weighted blankets help with anxiety, which help people to sleep better. So, you know, you need to do a little research. I'm not getting a whole thing on weighted blankets. 'cause especially for seniors, you don't want it to be too heavy.

But even for me,I didn't know that this was a thing, but I always slept confined. I always slept between two body pillows. I wanted a lot of blankets on me. And I don't know why that's probably another conversation, but because sleep is so critical, I wanted to make sure I included that.

Stephen, you have been unbelievable.I am so excited that we had this opportunity and I know that someone is gonna hear this, that needs to hear this and it's gonna make a difference in someone's life. And that's really what this is all about. Any closing thoughts? 

Stephen Wright: No. I would say this to, to somebody that's listening.

I have it tattooed on my arm. I don't know if you can read it correctly 'cause the screen, but it says you matter. If nobody has told you today that you matter, just know that you do matter. And if you need help, help is available for you. 

Jami Shapiro: I love that. Thank you. And mine says, be love.

Because we cannot be in fear when we're also in love. And we need to just act from that place. Just how can I put love into the world? And by the way, I just wanna say this, even for people who are lonely, like you can act loving. You don't have a partner, but you can act loving towards other people.

And it doesn't have to be romantic love or love from a family. It can just. Be, Hey, I just told the barista she has a beautiful smile. So anyway, thank you for listening. Stephen, thank you for being on this podcast. Again, if you want to reach Stephen, you will be able to get his information in the show notes, but you can also contact him at Stephen S-T-E-P-H-E-N.

At Heritage Home Care Senior Heritage 

Stephen Wright: Senior care.com. 

Oh, I'm sorry, say again. Heritage Senior 

Stephen Wright: care@heritageseniorcare.com. 

Jami Shapiro: Perfect. Thank you so much for listening. I am doing what I can to help you make the rest of your life the best of your life.

 

Jami Shapiro: So we are joined by Stephen Wright. We've just done a really impactful and important conversation on suicide prevention anxiety and depression, and ADHD in older adults. But we didn't really talk much about ADHD specifically. And, and Stephen and I were wrapping up the conversation and one of the questions that I ask our guests is if they have any ADHD hacks.

And he started to share his list and I said, no, no, no. We have to record this. So Stephen, what are your personal ADHD hacks? 

Stephen Wright: Wow. So first off, that is a fantastic question. That truly made me think because I, with my ADHD, I don't just keep a cumulative log of, of all my things. But I narrowed it down to three major things, you know, that is environmental optimization.

Command post structure. Mind you, my a lot of these terms might sound militaristic or police like, and they are, but, so environmental optimization command post structure, and a mental debrief. So just kind of touching on this environmental optimization, right? The concept, structure your surroundings to control distraction and direct your energy flow.

You know, ADHD focus is heavily stimulus dependent, so your environment can either fuel or completely derail you. You know, and some of those things, you know, like. Keep your workplace visually clean. And I'll say this, this is probably my most difficult hack to kind of adhere to. My ADHD brain doesn't just place things where they belong.

I have a disaster, a dumpster fire of a mess, but I know where everything is. But just subconsciously, I know when I pick that clutter up and I organize it, I feel better. I feel less overwhelmed, and it goes to completely just. Nourish my body, that drive to feel successful, that plays a big role in that.

So keeping your workplace clean does a lot more help than I ever really imagined. You know? And then I'm gonna, 

Jami Shapiro: before you go to the next one, because you just speed up a perfect commercial for my business, silver Linings Transitions because I. And, and I'm not, you know, I used to hire organizers for me and for my mom because it's not something that I'm naturally inclined at or good at, but I recognize that the clutter is, it's a visual pollution.

It's, it's, more decisions, it's more fatigue for your brain. But when I started Silver Linings Transitions and we were organizing for people, it's not enough for an ADHD person to go in and organize for them. They need systems, they need to understand how to keep it that way.

And so that was you teed up a plug. So I just wanted to say, if you're in the San Diego area and you want to have that less cluttered environment, you know, reach out to us. But I'm also part of many organizations and other places, and I will say that if you have ADHD and you are challenged with clutter an organization that's.

so typical. 'cause executive functioning is one of our challenges and those are executive functioning challenges. So anyway, I had to go with that. So next, Stephen, what is I, I can't read my writing now. Command post structure.

 

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Stephen Wright: Yeah. So command, post structure, you know, I like to run my day kind of like a field operation, and that to me is ideal.

So the concept of thisis gonna be treat your daily operations. Kind of like a field command, and that might not make a lot of sense for some of you. Just imagine you have to misplace everything. You don't have your, your nice office like you want. And this is all hypothetical, right? Mm-hmm.

And you have to go to the field. Well, when you're in the field, you're still going to need centralized intelligence. You're still gonna need a clear task flow, and you still need to maintain your visual situational awareness. So some of the tips for maintaining this command post structure.

Centralize everything, you know use one physical or digital command center. You know, your laptop your writing pad a tablet, you know, where every single task or note or reminder kind of funnels into and out from. Right? And then you wanna limit your inputs. So instead of juggling five apps, you know.

Pick one mission log. You know, I use the Google Workspace. Mm-hmm. So on Google, I have my email I have my calendar, I have my reminders, you know, I can create my documents on there. So kind of just limit your inputs. And then additionally an end of day debrief. You know, spend 10 minutes before bed or at the end of your day just kind of jotting out a quick summary of what got done.

What needs to get, you know, done tomorrow because it didn't get done today. And then, you know, if you have anything that needs to be escalated, like priorities. Mm-hmm. So say you have a priority list to begin with, but you only knock out four of those things. Well, you've got your fifth and final priority at the end of the day that needs to roll over to tomorrow.

Is that gonna be your first event or is that another thing that could be like at the bottom of your priority list for tomorrow? Mm-hmm. That satisfies our brain's need for closure. Mm-hmm. And gives us structure to meet the next day's uncertainty. And then the last one I talked about, you know, your mental debrief and your reset.

Our brain's rarely shut off. Mm-hmm. And we need structured cool downs. This is very important, not just for the ADHD brain. But for overall mental health, it helps us sleep. It helps us find that closure at night to where even though our brains obviously, or inevitably are not going to shut off, they can at least cool down.

So. The concept is, you know, basically create a structured shutdown for your brain to offload the day's data. End it with a five minute mental debrief. in my past life, my past world law enforcementand military, a debrief is basically the day's over what happened, you know. Kind of like your after action review.

So write down any lingering thoughts that you have that won't stop, you know, playing on repeat in your brain because simply jotting them down will help offload that from your brain so you havemuch less of a stress load. And then you know, physical grounding. Also helps with that. And when I say physical grounding, you know, just a small walk, a five, 10 minute walk.

You could do clinical breathing or in my world we call it tactical breathing, where you Intentionally breathe in, and breathe out. And you do that for, you know, three to four minutes. And that helps to reset your nervous system and helps to really cool your brain down. So just again to recap, you know, the environmental optimization, make the best you can with the space that you have, your command, post structure, you know, structure, how your data goes in and comes out of.

A system that you receive or send, transmit data through, and then mental debrief, you know, just jog through what happened through the day, what needs to get done tomorrow, and then do some kind of a physical grounding exercise to really reset and cool your brain down. 

Jami Shapiro: love it. That was amazing.

Thank you. I'm glad that we went back to play. any other things that we did not cover that you want to share? 

Stephen Wright: No, I really don't think so. Maybe one thing, you know, I'll say if you're just discovering you have ADHD or you're struggling with coping with the fact that you've discovered you have ADHD, you know, take a breath.

You're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. You're simply wired differently and that's okay. You can't fix what isn't broken, but you can implement certain measures to help make this, this this ADHD lifestyle a little bit easier. You know, just observe your patterns figure out how to focus on what best helps you and most importantly, give grace to yourself.

If you can learn to just be patient with yourself And give yourself a little bit of grace, you knowyou won't be so frustrated by your intensity or your creativity or, you know, your deep engagement. 

Jami Shapiro: That was great. I actually did an earlier podcast and Grace was the absolute word that I used Grace, because you know, we are so busy beating ourselves up.

You know, and everyone did that for us and now is the time to say, Hey, I believe, you know, we're here for a reason. We're given the tools that we need to do what we need to do. And we were given this ADHD brain, and I love Dr. Ned Hallowell's. That having ADHD is like having a Ferrari engine for a brain and bicycle breaks.

So it's really just, you know, tuning your craft. It's like figuring out, like for instance, hyperfocus is the one that I love and of our ADHD superpowers. Hyperfocus can be annoying for people when they need you to do something and you wanna do X, but also when you want to get something done or you want time to pass, then that's the time you put yourself into hyperfocus.

So. You know, that's fine. Tuning that engine. So I'm so glad that we came back to this conversation and yeah. Thank you so much for sharing. 

Stephen Wright: Absolutely. Thank you. This has been a pleasure. It's certainly been an honor and I greatly do appreciate your time. Thanks.

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