Grandma Has ADHD

Episode 69 - Task Triage for ADHD Brains: Stop Spinning & Start Winning with Coach Ryan Mayer

• Jami Shapiro • Episode 69

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What does ADHD look like when it’s not the stereotype — and how does it impact work, family, and daily life across generations?

In this candid and energizing episode of Grandma Has ADHD, Jami Shapiro is joined by Ryan Mayer, professional ADHD life coach, accountability and mindset specialist, and host of the More Than ADHD podcast. Together, they explore what it really means to live, work, parent, and lead with an ADHD brain — especially when structure breaks down and expectations don’t fit how our minds work.

Ryan shares his personal ADHD journey, from being the “last one out of the locker room” to navigating anxiety, time blindness, workplace challenges, and job loss — experiences that ultimately led him into ADHD coaching. Jami and Ryan talk honestly about late recognition, generational differences in ADHD awareness, parenting kids with ADHD, and why even ADHD professionals still struggle (and that’s okay).

The conversation wraps with one of Ryan’s most practical tools: Task Triage, a simple yet powerful system to help ADHD brains decide what actually deserves attention — and what doesn’t.

This episode is validating, funny, and deeply relatable for older adults with ADHD, parents, professionals, and anyone who’s ever felt “great in the room but stuck on the follow-through.”


Disclaimer: This episode discusses ADHD, mental health, anxiety, and workplace challenges. It is intended for education, awareness, and support only and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or mental health care.

Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis, treatment, or medical advice.

If you are experiencing emotional distress or a mental health emergency, please seek help immediately.


Resources & Links Mentioned:

  • Ryan Mayer Coaching (YouTube & Coaching):
    Search Ryan Mayer Coaching on YouTube and major social platforms
  • Ryan Mayer Podcast - More Than ADHD Podcast
    Available on major podcast platforms
  • Grandma Has ADHD Community & Resources:
    https://grandmahasadhd.com
  • Join the Grandma Has ADHD Facebook Community
  • Jami’s Website & ADHD Membership Info:
    https://jamishapiro.me
  • Silver Linings Transitions (ADHD-informed organizing & move management):
    https://silverliningstransitions.com



Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Grandma Has ADHD

Jami Shapiro:

Have you ever thought, is this just me? When struggling to stay organized, start tasks, or manage time, for those of us over 50, these challenges might not be just aging. They could be ADHD hiding in plain sight for decades. I'm Jami Shapiro, host of Grandma has ADHD, and I'm building a community where your experiences matter. Whether you are diagnosed, questioning or simply curious. You are not alone. Our Facebook group is filled with vibrant understanding. People over 50 who share their stories, strategies, and yes, even their struggles with plenty of laughter along the way. Ready to find your people. Join our growing grandma has ADHD Facebook community. Please like and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and share it with someone who might need to hear. They're not alone because ADHD doesn't have an age limit and neither does understanding yourself better. Together, we're changing the conversation about ADHD after 50 come be part of the story. I am so excited about today's podcast and you are gonna see winging it at its best. I am joined today by professional life coach Ryan Mayer, who is an accountability and mindset coach specializing in working with adult men and women with attention Deficit hyperactivity disorder or what we like to call ADHD. Ryan lives in his hometown of Cleveland, Ohio with his. Beautiful wife, Andrea, and their three adorable children, Ethan, Lila. Shane Ryan earned his coaching certification through the Attention Deficit Disorder Coaching Association where I also earned my coaching, and he focuses on educating brains like ours. He is coached by the ICF, which is the International Coach Federation. It's considered the gold standard in the coaching industry. But what makes this so fun is that Ryan and I met two weeks ago at the international conference, and we were in an entrepreneur coaching session, and someone just stood up and said how amazing Ryan was. coincidentally, I don't know if you know this, Ryan, you gave a tad talk on October 6th called Task triage, how to stop spinning and start winning, and mine was on October 7th. Called the clutter between us.

Ryan Mayer:

Wow. I think that

Jami Shapiro:

and I just wanna say this too. Ryan and I, we both had, like, he has a scheduling system and I have a scheduling system. And our scheduling systems didn't talk. We only were using our scheduling systems to come to this. Neither of us knew if we were doing a podcast, But after listening to your podcast, I just knew that we could just go with it. So, hi.

Ryan Mayer:

Oh, hi Coach Ryan Mayer. First time listener. First time appearance. So proud to be here to hang out with Jami. She has a personality that's as bright as her orange logo and her orange shirt and her orange branding, and I loved that when we were texting five whole minutes before our meeting, we were able to figure it all out 'cause that's how we roll with ADHD.

Jami Shapiro:

Right, you were on Zoom. I was on Streamyard and

Ryan Mayer:

it's fine.

Jami Shapiro:

Fun fact. Did you know that the international ADHD awareness color is orange?

Ryan Mayer:

Yes. Okay. And that is a fun fact. I didn't until recently, but I do know that, and I second that because I think it's a great color.

Jami Shapiro:

It's such a happy color. And interestingly, it was the color of my business. That I started before I knew I had ADHD. Whoa. So that's a big I don't know. Some say coincidence and some say divine

Ryan Mayer:

I like to say, and this I gotta give credit where Credit Stew, my friend will told me about this. Faith is a big part of my life. So he introduced me to the phrase, coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous.

Jami Shapiro:

I love it. I feel free to use

Ryan Mayer:

it.

Jami Shapiro:

I use rejection is God's protection or redirection.

Ryan Mayer:

okay.

Jami Shapiro:

May I use that? Oh, please.

Ryan Mayer:

Okay.

Jami Shapiro:

And yeah, I have to tell you, I had to brush up on your podcast format before we, so I would actually know, and you interviewed Anna Lore who of mess Lab and mm-hmm. I was like blown away by what you shared. And what I love about what you do is that you bring together executives like business, not executive functioning. With ADHD, which really has a lot more overlap than people realize. Like the room that we were in was filled with entrepreneurs with ADHD.

Ryan Mayer:

Yes.

Jami Shapiro:

Yeah. So I, you know, would love to be back on your podcast because I know you're all about awareness of inclusion. And a big group of people with ADHD are not being included in that conversation, and that is older adults. So. I do hope that you will have me back and bring attention to this topic as well.

Ryan Mayer:

Lemme check with the judges. Can we? Yes. Congratulations, Jami. You'll be on the More Than ADHD podcast.

Jami Shapiro:

Yay. Wonderful, wonderful.

Ryan Mayer:

let's tell her what she's won. She's won another fun conversation with her new friend Ryan.

Jami Shapiro:

Wonderful. Well, since we're going to gear this one to my audience, which is older adults and I know Wonderful. I know we're on A tight timeline. I believe I asked you if you had parents with ADHD, which of course the answer is always supposed to be Yes. And which will be willing to talk about that. I think we talked about that, but I have ADHD. I don't remember.

Ryan Mayer:

I am happy to talk about it. We can get my parental permission slip signed later. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.

Jami Shapiro:

Oh, yeah. I live by that one,

Ryan Mayer:

yeah, no problem.

Jami Shapiro:

Okay, well, so first, tell me a little bit about your ADHD journey, how you discovered you had ADHD, and what made you venture into the space of ADHD coaching and podcasting.

Ryan Mayer:

I actually thought about it this morning because I am blessed to say that even though I'm 40 years old, I still have the privilege of playing basketball three times a week. In the morning I'm using air quotes old man basketball mm-hmm.

Where we run around from 6:

00 AM to 7:00 AM and it's just a lot of fun. And as I was packing up my overstuffed gym bag because I bring all. Of the outfits that I could possibly need.'cause we play different colors. So like, are you on the dark team or are you on the light team? And everyone always is like, what did you pack your whole closet? What's going on? And as I was gathering up my gear, it reminded me so much of high school when I would come out of the locker room and this was before I could drive, so my mom would be there to pick me up. Mm-hmm. And she would say, I just had this question. Yeah. What's up mom? She said, what do you do in there? Like, what do you mean? I mean, I was at basketball practice. I know. I mean, after that, when you're in the locker room, everyone else comes out and then like five, 10 minutes later you like, what are you doing in there? Mm-hmm. And I said, I, I don't know. I guess just like getting all my stuff together and I probably talk with the guys a little bit. Some things never change that I'm the last one out of the gym. But that's okay 'cause I accept that that's just part of who I am. So my journey super quick was I was not the disruptive stereotypical little kid who can't stay still in his classroom seat. Sure I was always social, so I might get asked to not talk on the side sometimes, but throughout grade school. Even in high school, there was never any, again, air quotes, disciplinary actions or anything. For me, it really did come down to time management and anxiety where I would be taking tests and was always the last one to finish. And I never felt like I was going slowly, I was trying as hard as I could. So at that point, we just felt like things weren't quite adding up. So we explored it and there was a lot of other things that, as. The psychiatrist read down, you know, this was the first time I'd really heard a description of ADHD. And I said, oh my gosh, this is so validating because I'm realizing it's not my fault, like this is just how my brain is built. So I got diagnosed in high school, and then in college I made the wise choice to get accommodations so that I wouldn't have these anxious moments and tests. Mm-hmm. Where I could hear. Every foot tap and every lip smack and every clicking of the pen and whatever. So that was a huge help. So for any older listeners out there who might be doing adult education, or if you have any grandkids or kids, tell them that there's nothing to be ashamed of for taking advantage of the accommodation, the Office of Student Services or whatever it might be called, that was a huge win for me and my ADHD. Was really the most detrimental for me once I got into the workplace where I would be incredibly effective and persuasive when I was in front of people because I just get activated and love being in front of people and helping to inspire them. But then where I was really challenged was the follow through in the administrative piece. And I can remember my first job after college, I had. Sticky notes just everywhere. And because I didn't wanna forget, but back to what you mentioned earlier, my talk about task triage, when everything seems like an emergency, it's hard to figure out what are you actually supposed to be working on. Mm-hmm. So any time that I disclosed that I had ADHD, unfortunately the professional workplaces I was in, just simply they didn't know what they didn't know. And they weren't sure how to effectively support me. Mm-hmm. And so as a result, it, it, sadly, it usually ended up being sort of. The first step on my road towards the door. Mm-hmm. And there were times where I literally held the legal box with my stuff in it.'Cause it was really hard for me. And they would say, even in those conversations like, we have to let you go, they would say, this is really hard for us because you're one of our best employees. But since you're not able to do the administrative part, like we, we have to let you go. And so that actually is what inspired me to become a coach, because I don't want other people to have to feel as humiliated and frustrated as I used to feel every single day.

Jami Shapiro:

Wow. Well, first of all, I can so relate to what you're saying. I, I'm great at quote "being on", although I don't like small talk, I have a personality. I know that I have this personality and I would shake hands and kiss babies and collect business cards, and then they would end up on a pile on my desk. And when I realized that the ADHD was the follow through, I started just shouting it to the world like, this is, this is. You know where I live and when I wrote my book, I had a woman reach out to me who had started her own business successfully for years and was behind on her bills. Not because she couldn't pay them, but because it was one of those administrative tasks that it is mundane and it bores our brains that need more stimulation. So. Mm. Thank you for sharing. I'd assume you have a parent that knows at this point that they have ADHD. Is that true?

Ryan Mayer:

You should never assume Jami, because despite my parents being extremely supportive of my ADHD journey and of my business, you know, in the last five years they still have never. Found it necessary to seek a diagnosis. So and they, everyone's on their own journey. Absolutely. So I'm not here to, to make them do anything they don't wanna do.

Jami Shapiro:

Sure. Well, I will tell you that when I started this podcast, grandma has ADHD meant to be for people 50 and over with A-D-H-D I was asked why does it matter? And I will tell you that since discovering my mother's ADHD, she was 77 when I realized or about to turn 77, our relationship has transformed. Mm-hmm. But more importantly, the way she sees herself has transformed. And, and I, you know, my, my statement would be, at what point do you wanna stop growing or understanding yourself better? So I respect that. And I know that we're dealing with different generations. I know I'm a Gen X and we are more open about confronting challenges. You're a millennial, you know, and, and then you go to Gen Z and they'll talk about everything and they'll put it all over social media. Right? But, you know, I'm looking at, at the silent generation, they don't talk about anything. The boomers are slowly warming up to it, right? So I'm, I'm somewhere in that equilibrium, in that middle space. But thank you for. Saying that I shouldn't assume just a conversation so that maybe one day they are open to the exploration. And I will say that I think it impacts women. Older women more than men. And I'll say the reason is, is that women typically have the lion's share of running a family, keeping the house together in addition to any other responsibilities that they have. And I know for me before I didn't find out I had a still till I was 45. And I remember I have three children as well, missing a parent teacher conference and going to my ex-husband and saying, I can't seem to get it together. I just, I couldn't seem to figure out, like my friends were doing the sticker charts and the gold stars and I was consistently inconsistent. So, anyway.

Ryan Mayer:

Hmm. Well I just wanna acknowledge that feeling and relate to you on such a deep level because it's, I know that there's something different about me when my children are the ones saying, dad, we have to leave to get to the swim lesson, or. Dad, I don't wanna be late for practice again. Things like that. So I totally relate.

Jami Shapiro:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And three kids is, is a lot of kids too. It's not, you know, it's not that one like three, which over the other. Right. Okay. So, and

Ryan Mayer:

one other thing I'll just say too is. Because the apple continues to fall from the tree. But our oldest, our 8-year-old has been diagnosed with ADHD and there may even be other things going on there as well, but there's been a lot of challenges there. So now with me, even despite my knowledge and my wife who is neurotypical, has done a phenomenal job reading up on things that doesn't mean that we have it all figured out by any means either.

Jami Shapiro:

No, and that's come up too, is just you can be an ADHD coach and you can still stumble on your ADHD. Like it's still, you know, it still shows up. It's not like we've mastered how to live with ADHD. We just have tools and knowledge and, and grace.

Ryan Mayer:

I think that that's such an important point because people will sometimes be almost embarrassed to bring up challenges to me because they think that as a certified coach, I have it all figured out. And then I just laugh with them and I say, that's a great joke. Because just because I'm here doesn't mean I have it all figured out. It means that I'm just a few steps ahead of you. But that's the same encouragement that I give to aspiring coaches when they say. How could I possibly be a coach when I don't even know how to run my own life? Because with us being ADHD, we're really good at helping other people and we're so observant and we notice things and we have great ideas. So I can coach people all day long. That doesn't mean I'm an expert at coaching myself.

Jami Shapiro:

Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you. Speaking of not keeping it together, I just had someone show up for another podcast interview that I didn't have in my calendar, so it's really good that we scheduled a short session. I'm gonna send her a text message and take a pause. Perfect. You're saying ADHD in action and she is a grandma with ADHD When we come back from that pause, I want really quickly to you talk about how to task triage and how people can find you. And then you are listening to this podcast and you are enjoying it. Please like it, subscribe to it and share it because that is how I am growing the community of people over 50 who are coming to discover their ADHD. So we're gonna take a quick pause. but by Tuesday you're already behind. Yeah, me too. That's the ADHD brain doing its thing. I'm Jamie Shapiro and I'm launching something I Wish had existed when I first discovered my ADHD. Grandma has ADHD a membership community. For women who found out later in life that they have ADHD and have spent way too long feeling like they don't quite fit in. Here's the thing, going it alone doesn't work for ADHD brains. We need accountability without judgment. We need people who get it. We need structure that actually sticks. That's why I'm kicking things off with Monday Momentum and make it happen. Sessions one year of ADHD coaching followed by body doubling where we actually do the things together. No more lonely to-do lists. No more starting strong and fading by Wednesday. If you join the founder circle, you'll lock in this low rate for life as long as you keep your yearly membership. Plus, you'll get quarterly private sessions with just me and the other founders as we build this community together. This isn't just another membership created to take your money. This is the support system we've been looking for. Head to Jamie shapiro.me to add your name to the interest list. Let's stop going it alone. That's Jamie Shapiro. J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me. Ever wondered why helping a loved one declutter feels like speaking different languages? I did, especially with my mom. It wasn't until I founded Silver Linings Transitions helping San Diego seniors organize and move for over a decade that I discovered why we all experienced clutter differently. And for those of us with ADHD, it's a whole other world. If you are listening in the San Diego area and feeling stuck with moving. Paperwork, photos or home organization. Our team at Silver Linings Transitions gets it. We understand ADHD's unique challenges and we won't just help you get organized. We'll create sustainable systems that. Finally stick Schedule a consultation with our team today at 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4. That's 7 6 0 5 2 2 1 6 2 4 or find us@silverliningstransitions.com. Before you do task triage. Really quickly, I like to ask the button question that we heard from pen holderness talk at the ADHD conference last year. If you could press the button and not have ADHD. Would you press the button?

Ryan Mayer:

Oh. I'm thinking

Jami Shapiro:

we don't have time for you to think, 'cause you've still gotta do task triage before we have to end the call in five minutes.

Ryan Mayer:

Recalculating. I considered this when I heard that talk live. And because I am a big fan of the abundance mindset, I'm gonna say. Yes, I would press the button because I feel I would still have a lot of my creativity and I would just be able to apply it more systematically. So I'll say yes.

Jami Shapiro:

Okay, so you're gonna be the very first person who held a yes answer.

Ryan Mayer:

I figured, but, and that was against my initial reaction, but I'm okay with it. Final answer.

Jami Shapiro:

Okay, so go, let's do quickly Task

Ryan Mayer:

triage. Yeah. Oh, trust me. Okay. Jami, when you are in the ER of everyday living You have to be able to work fast. So don't worry, I can turn up the speed on my talk so that I can get through the whole thing in. No, no, no. Plenty of time. No,

Jami Shapiro:

my people have processing and you know, slower hearings, so you, okay.

Ryan Mayer:

I was only kidding about that. And I will take my time. Perfect. So the idea of task triage. I was inspired by a TED talk from an emergency room doctor. I, of course don't remember her name at the moment. Mm-hmm. She said that very similar to your story, Jami. She was thinking, how can I try to pull all this together? Because she was so effective at work, but at home, things were falling apart. And so she realized she had to do the same thing at home that she did at work as an ER doctor, which was to triage. So here are the categories she broke it down to, which I'm gonna share with your audience right now. Red is the most urgent. Must get done, life-threatening gunshot wound to the neck. They're gonna die if we don't take action. Yellow is severely broken. Arm needs medical attention, but is not gonna die. And if it needs to wait a couple hours, it can or maybe till tomorrow. Mm-hmm. Green is. Perhaps someone got a pencil stuck in their nose or whatever. It's something that is maybe a little bit painful. Definitely inconvenient, but not going to be life threatening. And that is something that's a task where it's like, yeah, okay, if I can get this done in the next couple days, that'll be good. And the last category, which most of us are scared of, is the black category. And the black category is. I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, there's nothing more we can do. In other words, no matter how much work you put into this thing, it's never gonna get you the output that's worth the time of putting it into the task. So they might, you know, the proverbial like doing chest compressions and the person's just not gonna come back. So you apply those same coding, you know, that same system to the tasks as they come through the double doors of your brain, of your life, of your inbox, of whatever. Think to yourself, is this gonna be, you know, and I'm using air quotes, so go with the analogy. Is this life-threatening? Is this a huge thing that needs to be addressed right now? If it is, do it. If it's yellow, find a time to work on it.'cause it really needs to be done soon. But it's not quite red green. Maybe you do it now, maybe you don't. And then black, you just gotta be willing to say no. So that's task triage as quickly as I can get through it.

Jami Shapiro:

That was amazing. Okay. How can people find you?' cause I'm gonna honor your, you have an 11 o'clock appointment and we're gonna be there.

Ryan Mayer:

And we're gonna be there. I just wanna first say thanks for having me and I am so proud of us for just rolling with it, with radical acceptance. Mm-hmm. And just going live as Bill O'Reilly said in one of his infamous YouTube clips. So anyway, where you can find me if you'd like to learn more. Would love to have you check out my YouTube channel, which is Ryan Mayer coaching, M-A-Y-E-R, like the emergency room, like the month of May er, and you can find me on all the major, major social platforms. I have group coaching, one-on-one coaching, and what I'm really looking to grow in 2026 is my corporate offering where I can go back and be the change that I wished to see in the workplace. That's it, and I can't wait to have Jami on my podcast. Go ahead.

Jami Shapiro:

I love that. Love that, love that. And I am so grateful for you, the work that you're doing and that we were able to just roll with it and show in real life what it's like to be two ADHD coaches living life with ADHD. So I hope that my listeners enjoyed getting to know you. I certainly can't wait to be on your podcast, and it is never too late to make the rest of your life the best of your life. Thanks for listening.

Ryan Mayer:

Jami, this might have been one of the best podcast episodes I've ever been on. Thank you for everything.

Jami Shapiro:

Oh my what's it called? Recognition Euphoria. Thanks you.

Ryan Mayer:

Oh, nice. Okay, cool. Okay. I'll see you when you're on my podcast. Bye. The opinions expressed on Grandma has ADHD podcast are those of our guests and hosts and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The content discussed in this episode is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health, professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concern. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast. If you think you may have a medical emergencies. Call your doctor or emergency services immediately. The host, guests and producers of Grandma has ADHD. Do not assume any liability for the content of this podcast. Listen at your own discretion.