Episode 90 - Why Community Matters for People with ADHD

In this special episode of Grandma Has ADHD, Jami Shapiro is joined by her longtime friend, Sparkler Society co-founder, and first-time NeuroDiversion conference attendee, Lynn Layfield, for a candid conversation about what they learned at the NeuroDiversion 2026 Conference.

Jami and Lynn unpack the insights, strategies, and moments of connection that stood out most from a weekend spent surrounded by neurodivergent people who simply "got it."

From practical ADHD hacks and emotional regulation tools to conversations about perfectionism, self-compassion, body doubling, technology, and community, this episode captures what happens when you stop trying to fit into a world that wasn't built for your brain and start learning from people who understand it firsthand.

Most importantly, it's a conversation about belonging. Because sometimes the greatest takeaway isn't a productivity strategy. It's realizing you're not the only one.

Conference Highlights

• Jami and Lynn share some of their favorite takeaways from NeuroDiversion 2026, including:
• The importance of pausing before reacting emotionally
• "Move a thought, move a muscle" as a strategy for interrupting rumination
• Why sleep, hydration, and movement matter more than most of us realize
• Using AI to identify the next smallest step when feeling overwhelmed
• The role of body doubling and external accountability
• Creating systems that remove unnecessary barriers
• Learning to observe yourself with curiosity instead of judgment

Why This Matters

Many adults discover ADHD later in life and spend years believing they're the only ones struggling with organization, consistency, time management, or self-criticism.

This episode is a reminder that you're not broken.

There are millions of people navigating similar challenges, creating workarounds, sharing strategies, and learning how to work with their brains instead of against them.

Sometimes the biggest breakthrough comes from realizing you're not alone.

About the Hosts
Jami Shapiro

Jami Shapiro is an ADHD coach, speaker, author, and founder of Silver Linings Transitions. Through her podcast Grandma Has ADHD, she helps adults, especially women diagnosed later in life, better understand their brains and navigate life with greater clarity, compassion, and confidence.

Lynn Layfield

Lynn Layfield is the co-founder of the Sparkler Society and a passionate advocate for helping adults with ADHD create practical systems, build community, and stop feeling alone in their struggles.

Resources Mentioned

• The Sparkler Society
• This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro
• NeuroDiversion Conference
• Silver Linings Transitions
• Body Doubling Techniques
• Dana K. White's Decluttering Concepts

Links & Support

• Website: https://www.jamishapiro.me
• Silver Linings Transitions: Support for downsizing, organizing, and life transitions
• Book: This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life.

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Transcript

 Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro and welcome to Grandma Has ADHD. I'm a certified senior move manager and owner of Silver Linings Transitions where I help people navigate life's big transitions. But here's the thing, I spent years helping families move through change while completely missing the pattern that was running through my own life.

I'm the daughter of two ADHD parents, the mother of three ADHD children, and yep, I have ADHD too. For years, I didn't have the language or understanding for what that meant. But becoming an ADHD coach and specialist, that's been absolutely game-changing, not just for how I work with my clients, but for how I relate to my family and honestly, for how I understand myself.

I even wrote a book about it called This Explains So Much. This podcast is for all of us who are discovering ADHD later in life. Each week, I bring you conversations with industry experts and people sharing their own ADHD journeys, real stories, real strategies, and often a little too much information. If you're loving what you're hearing, please share this podcast, leave us a review and find me at jamishapiro.me.

That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me. Whether you're over 50 and just getting diagnosed or you're recognizing patterns you've lived with your whole life, this is your space to navigate ADHD with others who get it. So grab your coffee and get comfortable and let's dive in

So if you've been listening to the Grandma Has ADHD podcast for any length of time, you have heard me speak about the Sparkler Society and how it's coming in July. Well, I am really excited because waiting is horrible, even for me, and in June, we are opening our doors for a trial run. This is gonna be absolutely free.

It's an opportunity for you to join the community, find out what it's about, and help us kind of work out the kinks. So if you like what you hear, if you're looking for authenticity, you wanna come as you are, you wanna get your shit together with other people who wanna get their shit together, then I would love for you to find me at jamishapiro.me.

That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me, and find the Sparkler Society where you can join the wait list. And in June, we're gonna kick it off with our first 14-day challenge. We are gonna tackle the bathroom, and if you join us, you're gonna know why we picked the bathroom. So I cannot wait to get started. Uh, this community is going to l- change your life.

So, hope you enjoy the podcast. Can't wait to meet you in person. 

welcome to the Grandma Has ADHD podcast. we are gonna try something different today, and for those of you who watch the podcast on YouTube, I'm really sorry. I hate watching myself and seeing myself. But, uh, if you are watching, you're probably going to notice that I am sitting with a different background, and that's because I am trying to outsmart my DOG, who, if you ever listen to the podcast, you know that I have a podcast spot, and he has figured it out that when I am in that podcast spot, that he is going to growl and bark so that he gets attention and I give him treats.

And so I am, I am attempting to outsmart my very smart dog. But I wanted to have, my friend Lynn and co-founder, of Sparkler Society with me on today's podcast because we just returned from the NeuroDiversion 2026 conference, and this was Lynn's very first, um, exposure into a world filled with, uh, neurodiverse people.

Now, it wasn't just ADHD. It was, um, AuDHD, and autism, and probably some other things, too. But I thought rather than us download to each other, that we should probably kind of share what we picked up from the podcast. Before we go any further, I have to share one more thing with you, Lynn. So I did a presentation today to a group of women all over the age of 60, and, um, I...

and it was not only on ADHD, it was also on downsizing, and tips, and all of that, because some of them have, mothers that they're dealing with, and some of them are dealing with downsizing themselves. But as I was giving all of the information about ADHD, the heads were nodding and nodding, and you could just see, the spark in their eyes when they're like, "Wait a minute."

So I just wanted to share that with you 

Yeah. Well, I mean, you're educating the world. You educated me. I mean, you educated me and you brought me to this conference, and it really was the first time that I guess I'd say I admitted it among a group that I had ADHD besides you and maybe, some podcasts and everybody around me who knows and also has it.

But it's the first time that I, like, really went forward to a conference to learn not just from you, but learn and be around other people, who I do not know, but I know I have this in common with them. Mm-hmm. So, the takeaways are so many that I'm glad that I took some notes, and I'm glad I have...

I'm glad that I went. I can tell you just getting ready to go is all I could think to myself is, "These are gonna be the funnest people I've ever met." Mm-hmm. And it did not disappoint. We, we met plenty of fun people. Plenty of fun people. I think I just naturally gravitated, um, to some of the fun people that were my age, which I was very happy to see there.

Although I know it's just a fraction of what is actually out there. But there were, some, I wanna say, older ladies who are feeling like We still have a long way... We d- we're only halfway through our lives. We've got a long way to go. 

We've got a long- Well, and really when you think about our contribution and how much energy a lot of us have, we have a lot more to contribute, so I agree with you.

 one of the funniest things is we went to dinner with two other people who also had ADHD, and we were in the Lyft with the driver, and the four of us do not stop talking. We're all talking to him, and I... And one of them was Anita Robertson, who's been on the podcast before, and she's a therapist, and I looked at him and I said, "I just want to let you know you're dealing with, four women with ADHD, just so you're questioning why there's, like, so much going on."

And she, she patted me on the back and she's like, "I just thought that was very good communication of you to, like, let him know sort of what, what he was, involved with." I thought that... Do you... I don't know if you remember that. 

Yeah. Well, I mean, any Uber driver that I've ever gotten in the car with, I feel like I should hand them a little, a little card that says, "By the way, you're gonna know everything about me after this 20-minute ride, and it's gonna be hilarious, and you're welcome."

And so I should walk around with one of those cards, and there's many a Uber drivers that have heard the story about my children and, and my fun, uh, different type of parenting. So I, I definitely shared that with that Uber driver. several other Uber drivers too. So I'm pretty sure the next people that pick- that they picked up, if they were from the same conference, uh, he had a similar experience, so- 

Yeah

you know. One of the other things that I loved is that, um, uh, when they began the conference, they had all of these, like, statements at the, you know, at the, at the beginning, like, on flashing on the screen, like, relatable, like, you started a project and did it for 11 days and then you lost interest. And, it was just, like, little, you know, you overshared or, you know, just to, just to be s- in a room full of people who can just relate to, I hate the word too much 'cause I...

that's got a negative connotation, but the people who have been told their whole lives they're, you know, too much or to tone it down. Um, so I w- I, I, I love being in a space with people where I just can poof, be exactly who I am. 

Yeah, all the quotes came up, and when there was a question, any time that there was a question, "Did your binder look like this with the papers falling out and the pencils?"

Oh, right. There 

was, 

there was- And there were so many people that we just all raised our hands. And, I was looking around the room and, I was like, oh yeah, that's, that's definitely almost 100% of those people. And how through all those years I really thought that I was the only one that couldn't keep the binder together, and I just never knew that everyone else's binder, locker, their desk falling over and everything just sort of spilling out of it is, is definitely, something that I could relate to.

So the binder was a great, a great visual. I did think that, the speakers kicking off what the weekend was going to be all about, with humor and acceptance was the way to go because, you've got some people that, are going to definitely... You know, we were all nodding our heads just within the first five minutes of the conference.

And, sometimes it takes a little while for these conferences to get some steam underneath them, but guess what? Not a neurodivergent conference- No ... because everybody already has steam underneath them. And so we definitely went out of the gate at a very fast pace, and so I'm just kind of looking at, like one of the first things I learned.

 I actually learned something before the conference began because I went to like a little meetup and we were talking about tactics on trying to handle passwords. Um, there was a lot- Oh ... of good input about, which password apps people were feeling were the best ones. which one was better for, Apple versus an Android phone.

Oh. 

So, I missed that. So tell me, because I don't know 

Well, passwords I think was the overwhelming one. Passwords that's on your, on your phone, so just passwords, that one. Mm-hmm. not putting it inside of a Google browser. a lot of people said, "I put it inside of a Google browser, but then that didn't work for everything, so now I've got passwords in two places."

So just knowing that I'm not the only one that has my passwords sort of scattered, and I put a to-do for myself that this is something that I'm going to simplify in my life. And so I left with kind of that to do. 

the- Okay, wait, before you go. Yeah? You need to put that one into the Sparkler Society.

That definitely needs to be one of those tasks that we all take on together. Because I use LastPass, which is decent, but I have... Anyway, I don't want to get into my password thing. I don't want to interrupt you but please- ... make a note of that. 

Yeah, yeah. So that was one of them, both for myself, as we're talking about the Sparkler Society, I wanna, I wanna definitely test it out, make sure it works, and I'm very good at coaching someone through it so they're not alone, as opposed to just, getting on a call and all of us are fumbling around.

I wanna be able to be on there and say, "Click. You have three more clicks left to go, so let's stay-" I love it ... let's stay three more clicks. The 

next- How lucky, how lucky am I that I get to be a Sparkler with your technology help? Even, it was so funny, was another point where every time there was a technology issue, 'cause we were wearing head- We all wore different color headsets, based on which presentation we were going to hear, so it's sort of like doing a silent disco, which I'm gonna leave my comment about putting headsets on when you already have sensitivity, but to be able to hand you the headset and get you to get it to the right color, and show me how to work the volume, I was like, "Oh, I should have Lynn next to me all the time."

Yeah. I, and then of course I was hoping at the very, very end we were truly gonna do a silent disco, but that d- I don't think that happened. But that was a good way to handle the venue, which was a warehouse. So, the open warehouse format, you know, there's only so many walls and soundproofing you can build, so I think they, they had to go with colored headsets given the venue.

But that was a good way to solve it, I thought. The one that, you know, I'm, again, I'm going through in the order of the conference, but one of the ones that I thought was really interesting, and I actually said this to myself today. I did. I said this to myself today, 'cause I had some Goodwill items that I wanted to give away because I am actively trying to down- you know, declutter and make my world simpler.

So the one thing I said today is I was going to be speaking with your employee at 3:45, and I had 20 minutes- That I could have driven to Goodwill, which would have made me late- 

... 

To meet your employee. And so I said, "Nope, I do not have the time to start another task. I am just going to be there for Jamie's employees, that I am not late and disrespectful in any way, and we can, we can work on that."

And so it was. It was, it was that little 10-minute window where I'm like, "Surely..." Okay, this is the funny part. Surely I can get my Goodwill items in a car, I can drive in traffic that I can't control to a Goodwill, waiting for someone to come out to take my box, which again is something I can't control, and I thought I could do all of that in 15 minutes and make it back in time to pick up a call.

No, no. No, I can't. 

Yes. 

I- I mean, 

it's, 

it's too many things. Yeah, too many things. 

Well, that was a really good point that she made. She said, "How many of you suffer from just one more thing?" And then she said, "You know, it's not- It's not illegal to arrive early. It's like, what a concept. But it's, wow. And then there was another point when they were talking about how, you know, and this, I know I do this, like I stack all of my errands in one time, right?

It's like, well, if I know that I've gotta get all of these errands done and I'm going out, I'm gonna just do the, do all of them so that I don't waste my time. But, but then it drains me, and it was like, "You don't have to do all the errands." You know? Right. It was like, oh. You know? So when you hear other people sharing what works for them, and then also, like alleviates, I d- I loved, my favorite speaker, and I don't remember his name, I just remember it was a hottie, Yusef.

And you told him, which is also awesome. You told 

him. I so total- I told him and I took a picture, but I didn't look good and, you know. But anyway, yeah, I totally flirted. But besides the point, he, and I, you know what? I may have to just put a picture up on, somewhere that you guys can see it at some point.

I, and, or, I don't know. But anyway, I, I don't wanna over commit here, but what I do wanna say is that this man, he was an amazing presenter, and he starts off showing you pictures of him sky diving, right? And jumping out of planes and rolling, and then he's scuba diving and you can see fish, biting out of his cheeks, literally.

And then he says, "Do you wanna know the scariest thing I've ever done?" And then it's a picture of a desk, and it just says, "Had to sit still." 

Yeah. Yeah. There were some, there were some great images there and, and I actually, talked about him quite a bit because the, you know, the big takeaway if you were just, taking that big aha moment, was the fact that a pause can actually help you get straight.

Um, so my husband and I talked about that at dinner. There, there was two things we talked about at dinner. When we talk about, you know, oh, I have a little bit of time left, but then another one was, making tasks seem like a big mountain, and if you actually time that task, you'd find out that it's not this huge mountain.

Like it's just, you're making it a big time mountain. And so unloading the dishwasher- That's really five minutes, but my husband and I are always like, "Oh no, we're heading out to dinner. We can't unload the dishwasher right now 'cause we don't have 30 minutes." No, a dishwasher does not take 30 minutes, especially with two people.

So I told him that we're gonna try to actively time some of these activities so that we just both get it out of our heads, because he is ADHD as well, and he was not at the conference. 

Yes. And I have a really good idea for the two of you because of how, your dynamic. So I love competition, but Brian, my fiance, cannot stand it.

So like if you give me a competition and watch me just nail it, right? I could see you and Bruce having who can unload the dishwasher faster k- you know, a competition. So, just to get you motivated to get it done, and then you get like a gold star. 

Yeah. Well, I mean, the thing about it is we also talk each other out of tasks.

So like if I was heading towards the dishwasher and he was feeling like, "Oh, we need to get out the door," that he will actually be like, "No, that's gonna take you too long." But now I'll be able to say, "No, I- I- it takes me five minutes because I'm awesome." And then he may say, "Well, it takes me three." Then I'd be like, "Well, then you do it."

Make that two. 

I can- So maybe we go down that, maybe we go down that one. Um, so I did have sort of a fun thing that we can do in the Sparkler Society, which is really naming those habits that we build mountains on, and then truly timing ourselves so that we get our, our mindset out of building a task to be bigger than it is.

Yes, I understand y- looking at a closet that's full of laundry or something or full of like a bunch of stuff and that, that to me is not the same as Thinking that unloading the dishwasher's gonna take you 30 minutes. I mean, there's only three rows, at the max anyway. so that's one of 'em.

You know, like you just mentioned the life hack of, "I'm late, what should I do?" You know, I, I, I have a few minutes- Yeah ... what should I do with this time? And they're like, "Just leave." What a concept. Just leave. Yeah. Just go. 

Mm-hmm. 

Like, you'll have a little bit more time to put on some makeup, fix your hair up, check the, you know, sit in the car a little bit.

So, just leaving. Yeah, there was another one where, a lot of people talked about just the concept of having other people present. They didn't even need to be in an active body doubling, but just leaving their home and being around other people who are working, even though some of those people may not, be looking at their laptop or anything, or holding them in any way accountable, but just by going to a coffee shop, that helped several people.

Now, I don't know, for me, going to a coffee shop, it would help me, but then I'm also interested in the other people, and so I could see where, I'd have to, I'd have to work on that a little bit. But, 

I thought that was- Yeah, and that, that brings up a good point, Lynn, because one of the things that definitely came out is that what works for me may not work for you, and what works for me today may not work for me tomorrow.

 so but to the coffee pot, the coffee, shop, Addison, before we even knew she had ADHD, if she had a, an assignment or something she needed to work on, she'd say, "Mom, I'm gonna go to the coffee shop." So, we do figure these, like, these, these workarounds out, you know, what works for...

And that's what's really kind of nice is when you are like, "Oh, I figured this one out," and, and then other people are doing it too, and you didn't even know you were giving yourself, an ADHD scaffolding or workaround. But it's, I love, the idea of, like, you sat with other people and learned about the password thing or, you know, so 'cause now I'm really curious about that.

So okay, so give me some other big ones, and then I'll share some of my big ones. 

Oh, okay. I'm kind of going throughout the, This one's interesting. I, you know, I kind of brought it up to my husband because, you know, sleep patterns are really important. And the idea, and it was a, it was one of the presenters, I can't remember which one, but he mentioned kicking his phone out of the bedroom.

I, I think that's- So putting his phone charging in the kitchen so that when, he goes to bed at night, the last thing he's not doing is, scrolling through his phone and getting his mind going or thinking of, of things or ideas. instead, spending time with his loved one. So I thought that was, I thought that was great, and I know we do use our phones sometimes as our alarm.

So a lot of people say, "Well, I have to have it in the bedroom 'cause it's my alarm." But honestly, our house is so quiet and our kitchen's not that far from our bedroom, we could leave our phone- Yeah ... in the kitchen. So I'm gonna try to do that. 

I wanna- Yeah ... I wanna bring up another one for you. You know, like when we were growing up, we didn't have phones.

Yeah. And so you actually got an alarm clock, and you could set it to the radio, and you could wake up to music or the which I don't recommend. but yeah, I definitely... He said that his mental health had improved so much. So here's a question. Have you already moved the phone out of the room? 

I did last night.

last night I was exhausted. I mean, I, I just had gotten home and everything and, obviously there wasn't any food at home, so then we had to go back and eat out again. So it stayed in the kitchen. I did bring it up to my husband that I think it'd be great if he joined me and we stuck, our chargers in the kitchen together.

And, we'll see how that goes. I might have to give him an extra incentive. Then I get, then I'm oversharing, but you know, wink, you know? I mean, I need to get, I need to get him in the bedroom and then I need to get the phone to stay in the kitchen. So I'm going to, I'm definitely gonna give that one a go.

Okay. Do 

you have one? 

Well, maybe that's a challenge that I will do with you because I'm struggling. this is my thing, and this is, maybe a little ADHD and maybe just, I don't know, but, I have two of my children live, far from home, and my youngest is about to leave for college, and every once in a while I do get those middle of the night phone calls, and I would be afraid, you know, if I moved the phone too far.

So I don't wanna like go down the rabbit hole on that one, but that, that's the on- that's the only pause on whether I should do that or not. 

Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think my husband's early morning calls are usually not good morning. They are usually, calls from the owner of his company, who is 85, who I believe gets up at 5:00 in the morning.

So it might behoove him to put it in the kitchen because voicemail is just as good, and you can check those voicemail messages and call people right back. 

Yeah. 

 I don't even know what, what order my thing is. the person that did speak about the phone did it for, wants everyone to try it for, three to five months and he's like, "You'll never go back.

Um, you, you won't feel like you miss out or anything like that." So there was sort of a trial period if you wanna try it. Um, the next one I have is, emotion regulation. Pause and name it, process. You know, choose, act, and accept. I, I just kind of wrote those key words, and Pausing is something I think that I am getting better about finally at 50, but I think a lot of that was because I was in the corporate world and when, I'm in, I was in, I was in the corporate world and someone would say, "What do you think about that idea?"

They got my initial raw emotion of what I thought about their idea. But I've learned then now, to pause because people's ideas, good or bad, are very personal, and so you have to choose your words wisely when providing feedback. So, um, pausing, but this emotion regulation is more like if you're in a death...

I call it a death spiral. Like, if I'm in a death spiral about, um, you know, I don't think I can do this, or I'm not good enough, or I'm feeling like an imposter, that's where I wanna start pausing and really kind of asking myself, "Where's, where is this coming from? Who is talking to me like this?" I mean, why would anybody talk to me like that?

 chances are it's just me. and chances are that, my action could be I need to go get some food. My action could be I need to go for a walk because while I'm walking and I have my dog with me, I can't give the death spiral a chance to continue. So that was kinda mine. 

Yeah. That, there, that brings up one of the things that I wrote down was, move a thought, move a muscle.

So, like, when you're going through those negative thoughts, get up and move. And if you can, get outside. You know, change where you are. You know, breathing is really important. Regulating, ourselves by, you know, box breathing or breathing in and then a slower exhale, you know, whole count.

 So yeah, so I, I got distracted by two things. Um, and so since I got distracted, this is gonna be the best time to take a pause. Okay. Um, because, uh, yeah. Well, because first of all, for all of you who are listening to this podcast, thank you, and how it grows is by you liking it and sharing it.

 and we are at the point with the podcast where it's all organic, so everybody that finds this podcast is because a friend told them about it, or they met me, or they met Lynn. and there, there is a whole game to this podcast, and I am not gonna be able to get the message out unless I either pay for it, which I don't want to do because, this is not making money.

This is just me giving you the information to make your life better because I was put on Earth to make your life better. and it also is a vehicle that I can insert a couple commercials. One is about Silver Linings Transitions so that you, if you are in the San Diego area and you need help decluttering or move management services, then we're here.

But I also am a coach. You can find me at jamishapiro.me, J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me. And then Lynn and I together are starting the Sparkler Society, which you have heard us talk about throughout, and it's really, a community to support, those of us who are discovering ADHD, to build the scaffolding, to know that you are enough, to m- meet other people who get you.

 one of the things I loved about, how they defined the, conference was that it was the difference between being stared at versus being seen. And I thought that was, like, such a good way. Like, for so many of us, we've struggled with, "Oh, what's she doing now?" or look at her, or like trying to cower and hold it in so that we didn't get noticed.

 and there's a difference between, that and then just being able to be exactly who you are, being accepted for it, and having people get you. So we're gonna take a pause, and, uh, then I will come right back. 

I used to dread visiting my mother because of the clutter, the piles, the chaos. We all experience clutter differently. For me, it was a source of anxiety and stress. I'd try to help, and she'd get defensive. We were both frustrated, and it was destroying our relationship. Then we discovered something that changed everything.

My mother had ADHD, and she'd been living with it undiagnosed for over 76 years. Suddenly, it all made sense. The clutter wasn't laziness. The disorganization wasn't a choice. Her brain was wired differently, and no amount of willpower or traditional organizing advice was ever going to work. That discovery became my life's work.

It's why I started the Grandma Has ADHD podcast. It's why I became an ADHD coach and specialist, and it's why I am so passionate about helping women like my mother and maybe like you because here's what I know: clutter affects us emotionally and physically. It damages relationships. It creates shame spirals, and the overwhelm of not knowing where to start keeps you frozen.

But it's okay to ask for help. In fact, it's brave. If you're in the San Diego or Coachella Valley area, my team at Silver Linings Transitions can come to your home. We'll help you tackle the clutter with compassion, not judgment. I also work with women virtually through one-on-one ADHD coaching, and if you are overwhelmed with clutter, I can connect you with trusted resources in your area.

Visit jamishapiro.me to get started or grab my book, This Explains So Much, on Amazon. My mother and I got our relationship back. You can get your piece back, too. That's J-A-M-I-S-H-A-P-I-R-O.me.

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Hi, I'm Jami Shapiro. I am an ADHD coach and the founder of Silver Linings Transitions, where we do home organizing and move management. And, you know, I did not know that I had ADHD for years, and I remember personally hiring an organizing company to come in and help me because I could just never get it together.

And it really wasn't until I understood ADHD and its impact that I realized why. And so I wrote a book, This Explains So Much: Understanding Undiagnosed ADHD, because I just feel like there's so many answers that people don't even know that they're looking for, especially generations of women who grew up thinking that ADHD was just for the hyperactive little boy.

It turns out it's not only a body that can be hyperactive, but it can be a mind that's hyperactive. So you can have a wonderful day, and you can have something wonderful happen, and then that one negative thing that happens is gonna be the thing that takes you into that spiral, and it's gonna be keeping you up at night, and you're gonna be ruminating on it.

And I think that, you know, we as women carry so much shame and so much how it's supposed to be. "I'm supposed to have it together." And I remember that was the case for me. I, I remember, "How is it that all of these women have so much consistency, and their kids get the sticker charts, and everything seems to run well, and I'm the one that's missing parent-teacher conferences, and my house, you know, is always in chaos?"

And, and then again, that negative self-talk. So I- my mission is really to educate people who have no idea that ADHD has the impact that it does, and it's to connect you to other people who get it and who will make you feel that you aren't alone, you're not crazy, you're not lazy, you're not stupid, you're not too much.

You just have a brain that was wired differently. And I can't wait for you to join me in the community that I'm building, the workshops that I'm creating, the book club that I'm hosting, because I know that I am going to make a profound difference in your life.

So we are back. Lynn, I have to tell you why I got distracted. First of all, you keep saying you're 50, I've got such a sense of, of justice that I cannot tell a lie. and if you're 50, then that means I'm 50, because you're 20 days older than I am, and you're not 50. So I don't know, and we keep having this conversation over and over and over again.

So I'm in that, like, thinking about it, and you're talking, and I'm like, I'm thinking about, like, "Why does she keep saying she's 50?" So that, and then the other thing that distracted me was that, Benji, which h- if you've noticed, he has not, he's not been, uh, prowling for snacks, he, but he rang the bell to go outside.

So anyway. All right, I'm back. 

Yeah. So, um, hey, um, it's fine if you wanna correct me that I'm 56, but mentally, it, I still- We're all right ... sometimes forget I'm, I'm, I still f- sometimes forget I'm not 25. I mean, I'm still getting my life together, you know? And so I tend to rhine- round down. I am 56, which is obviously closer to 60, but I say, I say 50s.

I don't know. I think when you say 56, it's like you're s- you're so exacting, whereas, you know, when I'm talking to somebody and I don't really know- You said 

you're in your 50s. I won't correct that. Yeah. But having, having had cancer- 

Mm-hmm ... 

you know, the one thing that you want when you're 34 and facing a cancer diagnosis is to be older 

Yeah.

 and I wanna be, you know, I, I, I'm telling you, people are looking so good these days in their 50s and their 60s. And we were on a tour with some ladies that were friends for 45 years, and they were in their 70s, and man, did they look good. So I, you know, when I am talking to somebody, and I did find my, what I'd like to say, my, my 50s people- Mm-hmm

at this conference. Yes, there were a lot of 20-somethings and 30-somethings, and I love being with 20-somethings and 30-somethings, 'cause I do feel like I can still hang with them. And of course my ch- Oh, yeah ... of course my child was in Austin, and I enjoyed hanging with him and his girlfriend. But, when I see a, an, I wanna say an ADHD 50- 

Yeah.

 I swear they've got, they look more, they look younger. And I don't wanna put my 56 out there when I may be talking to somebody who's 40. I don't know. I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be eliminated from the fun when I say 56. 

 I will agree with you on this. I, I heard it somewhere, and I can't find the evidence, but I, I heard that people who have ADHD, look like there's just they just appear to be younger, and it could be their energy is higher or whatever it is.

And then somebody like downed me and said, "Well, that's because our prefrontal cortex develops three years later, and blah, blah, blah." I'm like, "No, no, no. That is not what I'm talking about." Like, there's an energy. But anyway let's go back to, you know, 'cause there's so much that we learned, and I wanna make sure that we're giving at least the highlight reel to everyone listening to the podcast.

So you wanted to talk about emotional regulation. 

Yeah, this one was an interesting tactic that I hadn't thought about. Saying things out loud. So you know when you're in your head and you can be really kinda mean. what if you said those things out loud? and then you would realize, oh, that is just not, that is just not right.

 they were talking about, you know, in the moments when you obviously are, you know, alone or with someone that you trust that you say, "I'm saying this to myself. This is- I'm saying this thing to myself." And clearly anyone who cares for you would be like, that is just in no way true.

That is a story you're telling yourself. and later on that, yesterday I did have dinner, with my son who does have ADHD, and he's 24 years old, and he said, "Well, what did you learn from the co- the conference?" And I talked about this one, like saying it out loud, and he's "Well, everybody thinks that I'm not mean to myself."

He's like, "But if I said everything out loud that sometimes I say to myself," he's like, "I'm actually quite mean to myself." And that, I mean, that broke my little heart, and I was like, "Well, you know, um, this is a, this is one way that you can do that." The other thing is he's very active in jujitsu. I'm like, "You're probably not saying those things when you're doing jujitsu."

He's like, "No. You know, I have no time to think those things." Mm-hmm. So I was like, "Well, you know, again, get moving. Say those things out loud or write them down 'cause when you look at them, you'll realize how truly ridiculous they, they are." the other one was, You know, there were some other coping skills of, putting Post-Its somewhere, kind of reminding yourself to, be kind to yourself.

I know that's weird, but, No, it's helpful ... what if every day you woke up, you sort of gave yourself a compliment so that you could fight that weird demon that might come into your day, somewhere around 10:00 or 11:00 o'clock. If your demon arrives around 10:00 or 11:00 o'clock, you might wanna Post-It.

Or I've learned some more tricks, and I hope we get to talk about my tech tricks I learned. But if there's a time of day that you find that you're sort of alone and this is when your demon comes out, there are some other tactics that you can do that, you know, that time of day to prompt you to get out of that.

 and then the last one was, scheduling, emotional check-ins with yourself. I thought that was an interesting, like, let me just check in and see where, where I am today. 

Mm-hmm. 

 and then, am I able to kind of get out of, of that death spiral today? Or, you know, is a large part of my day going to be, one of those days where I'm, like, high on my hyper-focus?

That's a day- 

Mm-hmm ... 

that, you know, you love every day. But, the next day sometimes you can have that post-high anx- you know, hangover. Right. So you gotta to kinda- 

The... It's actually, I learned a term called hurry sickness. 

Oh. 

 and so, we go, go, go, go, go. And then we do hit the wall.

And, I don't know, you know, you remember at the conference that I m- I was on, and then I'm done, right? Like, you got to really witness it. And now I have an awareness of I, and I don't have to make myself keep going. Like, I always am so worried that I'm gonna miss something or that, 

And so it's been really helpful to understand, you know, h- h- how I am to myself. By the way, I, I wanna make a comment because I, I talked about that a lot in my book, and I said that was one of the most important things that we could do was to start being kind to ourselves. And I don't know why people with ADHD, have such a negative voice.

The only thing I will say, and I recognize this, is that I am making mistakes, I wish it was just on a daily basis, and some are big and some are little. And, even today, and I posted it on Facebook, when I grabbed the red pepper that I thought was cinnamon and put it all over the top of my cappuccino.

 well that one was a funny one, but when I had to spend $300 'cause I booked the wrong flight for Addison, that was not a funny one. and I'm really trying to like be aware of the fact that my brain has great things and challenges. And so you gotta take the good with the bad, but I love, Alan P.

Brown, who was at the conference, and he's one of my, one of my, the people that I've looked up to the most, and he, in an interview I did with him towards the beginning, he said he gives that voice a New Jersey accent, and he like moves it outside of him, and then he like talks to him.

He gives him a name, and he's like, "Hey buddy," you know? Like, and so that, so you're aware that you're doing it. And then, and the other thing that is really helpful is, and I've done this in my coaching sessions, is to say, "Okay, if your, if you were your friend and your friend was, what would you say to your friend?"

You know, like, because we spend so much time beating ourselves up. and I also picked up the term success amnesia. that we forget all of the wonderful things that we've done because we're so busy, dwelling on what we didn't do or moving on to the next thing. So yeah, that one is, I think that one right there would be, in and of itself, would be game-changing if you could just change that voice in your head.

And I'm sorry to hear that, that your son faces that because, I did call you and Bruce to tell you like, what an amazing kid. So kudos to you and Br- and Sean, if you're listening, y- you, you're you got a great life ahead of you. Okay. 

Okay. Here was another one that I was like- Oh, this one really hits home.

 and it was a visual, and it was a visual of he was in the shower and he had the shower cleaner with him in the shower 'cause he hates cleaning his shower. Now, he did caveat it with, "I don't take a shower and clean my shower at the same time, but I leave the shower cleaner there because if I put it in a cabinet, I hate cleaning the shower so much, I will never go grab the shower cleaner and actually clean the shower."

And I was like, okay, that's a great... That's just one of those life hacks of put something that sort of visually reminds you of a task that you need to do, and then get that barrier of having to remember which cabinet you put it in or, you know, put it closest to where you're doing the action. So I was- I immediately wrote down, "Get my shower cleaner and put it into my shower."

I know people that, they get- they finish their shower and they squeegee, you know, the, the glass right there, and I was never that person. And it's so funny because I actually have a glass squeegee and I found it in the kitchen where there's no glass. Mm-hmm. Like, what am I doing? that's like, that's one of those things that if, as we go through, the Sparker society and we start to do these sort of things together, that I think I'm going to discover and learn and find my little window squeegee and start to put things in the right place where they need to be that works for the way that I work.

So, but great picture of him. I think he had the bottle of the squeegee. I forget who the, the speaker was, but, he did have that. And then he mentioned, you know, there was somebody who took off their socks in the hallway, and then they finally put, a basket in the hallway, so now there weren't this just long pile of socks.

Instead, you know, they were, they were near and dear, but they were contained and that was the compromise between th- them and their partner 'cause they just for some reason just weren't those type of people that walk all the way into the bedroom and take their socks off. 

Yeah, I mean, it's just eliminating any steps, and it's like don't do life on hard mode.

How can I make my life easier? What can I eliminate, to, to just another be- Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. one of the things that I really liked was, was the idea of like kind of observing ourselves, like as a science experiment, and figuring out, where are we meeting with resistance?

Where are things hard? Where are we having, struggling with energy to do something? And then taking that in as like an observation. Okay, so maybe I'm gonna do a workaround for that. And I think one of the better... There were s- a lot of good sessions. but there was one that I wrote down about, especially for people who struggle with, perfectionism.

It's sort of like build your muscle around not doing it perfectly, you know? Yeah. I think that was really good. Like, just try not having it perfect because a lot of us, I mean, again, perfect is the enemy of done, and we think, if we can't do it perfectly, then we're not even going to do it, and then we go into this spiral of, you know- 

Well, yeah, that, that's what happened with me with stand-up comedy.

The first time that I did stand-up comedy, I didn't have enough time to go into sort of a spiral because, there was an open slot and I had to just grab it, and the next thing you know, I was upstage and the microphone was right in my hand. But then I went to an open mic with a friend of mine and I went up, did a very similar set, and I didn't feel like it was as good.

And the next time they asked me, I was starting to go in that, oh, maybe I'm not good at this all the time. But it is something that I enjoy doing, and I just completely stopped going. I did get a text from him again today to be like, "There's an open mic two weeks from now." So I love the persistence of my friend who, who is like, "I don't want you to give up."

But I did, I do have a little bit like, ooh, if I can't be perfect at stand-up, I don't know that I can do it or have the energy to lift myself up if people don't laugh. The other one I thought was really interesting when you talk about perfectionism is when you hit the wall, and you're feeling like, there's too many things that you need to do, to ask AI what the next smallest step is.

I thought that was kind of interesting. I mean, kind of lean it over to something else to say, take this small action. Just one small action can get the motor running again. so you know I want to paint the house. What's one small action you could do? You know, maybe you could just cut one bush.

 you don't have to cut all the bushes and pressure wash the house and then get the paint and then all the things. You just cut the bush back today. 

Yeah. 

And, and that's a good way for you to get out of your head, and get your head to AI. I mean, it's a good sounding board, for something like that when you get stuck.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, that was a big thing that I learned, not just at this conference, but we don't like a lot of the open to-dos. And so if you give yourself the little to-dos and you can check them off, w- when we carry them, they feel heavy. But, I love to just, write something down and check it off.

Like, and so to your point, break it down into little tasks. there were a... I wanna kind of wrap up this, and I think we're probably gonna have to do a two-parter, 'cause there's no way we can get into technology today. 

Oh, no. 

No, we're already at 41 minutes, Lynn. Okay. So that's gonna have to be, and I think that's gonna be, you know, a couple of episodes in and of themselves.

But there were a few things that I wanted to highlight that I learned that I really appreciated. And one was, I talk about future Jami, and I talk about setting future Jami up for success, and even today I had to book a hotel for a conference, and old me would book it, and then I would forget about it.

And then right before the conference I would go scrambling, try to figure out what was the hotel, when had I booked it, what was the... You know, like, g- and sometimes, and I, I learned this one the hard way, realizing that I hadn't booked the hotel. So today I s- I stopped in between going to the next thing, put all the details into my calendar, the confirmation number, the dates, the address, the phone number.

Um, and one of the things that came up is that, and this makes so much sense, that we don't think of our future selves as us, we think of them as a stranger, and we need to just really recognize that, because we're so now and not now, that future self is me, and I'm taking care of me.

 and I had never heard anybody say that, so I loved that. And then, the other one that I heard was, whether it's creativity or it's organizing your house or decluttering, creativity loves limits. you know- Yes ... it's the time, the tools, and the rules. and you know, I liked the example that Dana K.

White used of, a slob comes clean, where she said, everything is a container. And so if I know that this is the container that I have for crayons, if it doesn't fit into this container, then the rule is it's gone, right? So- Yeah ... that was a good example of time, tools, and rules. and then- 

I think the, same person, I got this slogan from them, and I wrote it down 'cause I thought it was so good.

"You can keep anything, but you can't keep everything." And I was like, "Yes," which is why I went to Goodwill and dropped some things off today. 

But you did it after your appointment so that you were on time 

Yes. I did it after my appointment, and it was actually better because I got to enjoy the release of the clutter.

And then I received the containers back so that I could, I could do it again and 

again. D- Dana K. White tells you that you need to have a donatable donation box to just make it easy, and it's just like- Yeah ... one less thing. But you did it, so it doesn't matter. and then the only other things that I took away that are really important, which I know when I say it, but I'm gonna just reiterate, is how important sleep, water, and movement are for our brains, and our mental health and, our emotional regulation.

So what are your biggest ones? 'Cause it, we're at 44. I always get super... Okay, here's my rejection sensitivity. If it goes too long, then people are gonna lose interest, and then they're gonna think it's a bad podcast. And, here I am, just I'm just exposing- 

Oh, okay. Well, I'm gonna leave with a teaser for, probably another podcast that we're going to do.

 you mentioned sleep and you mentioned water. I am not always great about water. I am usually pretty thorough about Diet Coke, but I am not always great about water. And so I learned a great hack for reminding me to drink my water, which I will talk about in a different episode because it's so cool, and I already made one, and I'm gonna be making a whole bunch more.

And I'm learning how to share them so that if somebody else has something like me that they wanna do water or something else, that I can share possibly preprogrammed hacks with them. 

Hmm. So are you telling me that we're gonna talk technology, Lynn? 

Oh, yes. Well, we're gonna talk technology, or you're gonna hear about it in the Sparkler Society.

I don't know what you're, what, if you are all booked for the rest of the month. So I'm just saying that I have got a technology hack that I'm willing to share, and I started using it today, and it has worked for me. 

Yeah. I need to learn that one, too. Okay. Any final words before we end the episode, so that we don't lose everybody that's listening?

I'm glad that, when you get a podcast, it just tells you how many people have listened, not how many people have stopped listening. 

Yeah. Yeah, there's a way to see that, but Jami, don't go look. I will not go looking. 

No, no. I, I think, um, I think, uh, a little bit, like you said, a little bit of a science experiment, but like a good science experiment.

This is really kind of exciting. I'm... I left very excited. I left with, meeting some people, um, that I, I, I, I'm like, "Oh my God, I need to talk to them in, like, two days or they're gonna forget about me." So I'm gonna reach out to them. But I, I made some great connections. I met an opera singer. I've never met an opera singer, so we exchanged, um, phone numbers and everything.

And I, I told her I wanna see an opera. But I'd like to see her in an opera. 

Nice. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, I, I, it, going to these kind of things, and being around other people who are like you is, it is so validating and you will spend so much t- less time beating yourself up and accepting yourself for who you are when you spend time with people like us.

Um, and as I, you know, like to say, none of us chose ADHD. It's not like I said, "Oh, I'd like to have blue eyes, and then I'd like to have ADHD, and then, give me..." Right? "I wanna be 5'8"." no. This is the life that we were born into, and we need to make the rest of our life in this body, the rest of our life, I added the word.

But anything, anything you wanna say since I'm bringing 

it up? Yeah, make this, make the rest of our life the best of our life, from our 50s on. From our 50s. 56-ish she is. 

Thanks for listening. We, we appreciate it, and please, uh, like, subscribe, and share it. Um, you are not alone.

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